The Close to Perfect Zoo Trip

On Monday, my friend L and I took our kids to the zoo. Despite one hiccup (read post below) the trip was really nice. The weather was perfect, the kids were pretty well behaved and most the animals were out.

M really liked the visit. He has been a few times before but I think this was the first time he really knew what was going on. He loved seeing all the animals, and chasing after the big kids. It was a great trip and great company!

We will be headed back in a few weeks to see a new Dinosaur exhibit they will have this summer. S can't wait ;).

I'll Start With the Bitching

On Monday me and a friend took the kids to the zoo (which will be my next post) and everything went really nice. The kids got along pretty well, the weather was wonderful, and the animals were out.

We were finishing up our visit when we stopped to get a drink. I pulled out my phone to check the time, got two cokes and then headed for the tram. We rode the tram back to the entrance where we were going to check out one more exhibit. We got to the exhibit and I again reached for my phone to check the time...only...it was gone. :( :( :( In a matter of 15 minutes my phone disappeared.

I filed all the reports and have called them everyday hoping for a miracle, but none was to be found. I can't believe I lost my phone. My virtually new iPhone4 with a ton a pictures, apps, data, videos and all my contact info. Of course, it also wasn't insured, so now I'm screwed. I can't even get the darn thing replaced.

I was able, thanks to my sister J, to get another phone, but it's not an iphone. I can no longer call and text with the twins and their ipods. I don't have all my cool apps. I can text limitless with my other iphone friends. I know it sounds stupid, but this has really set an additional funk on my already depressed mood.

Lesson learned. Make sure I keep better tabs on my phone and make sure I find some way to back up all my info.

Oh Holy Hell

They qualified him. I can't friggin believe it. He qualified for OT services.

Through out my life I have been around children. My mom ran a daycare from her home. I never had a job at a physical location as a teen; I always babysat. According to this, more than half the children I cared for, or observed had some sort of problem.

Early intervention has lost a lot of respect from me today. We live in a culture that wants to label everything. Everyone needs to live within a very small margin of 'normal' and if you don't, then there must be a problem.

Since this is the same agency that provides M with his speech services, I feel I have no choice but to accept OT services. If I don't I will also be labelled, I'm sure. I will tolerate the therapy for a few months and then cut it out. As it is...I don't even know what I'm looking for to know whether or not is is helping.

Absolutely ridiculous!

OT Evaluation

A few months ago, M's social worker came by to observe his speech therapy session. He was pretty typical during this session with his behavior. Sometimes, he is hard to keep interested in a specific activity; he doesn't like to remain sitting for the entire thirty minutes; and if he is asked, or pushed to do something he doesn't want, he will often break down into a mini-tantrum.

I feel most these behaviors to be pretty consistent with two year olds. He does act out a little more than the twins. He is hard headed and stubborn. And he is very physical - loves to climb, jump, throw etc. Again, fairly typical for a two year old boy. Well, his social worker didn't think so.

She immediately started to throw around words like 'sensory seeking' and intervention. I will be honest, as she was talking she really got my defenses up because she was talking like my kid had a sensory disorder after watching him for thirty minutes. Really, in the end, it pissed me off. She immediately wanted to schedule an evaluation for him. While I really wanted to tell her to shove it, I didn't want to be 'that parent' who is in denial over what could potentially be wrong with her child. I begrudgingly agreed.

The OT evaluation was this week. In the end, the therapist said that she would need to 'score' it to know for sure where M fell and if he qualified for services, but that overall she felt he had typical two year old behavior with some sensory seeking behavior. Do you want to know what his sensory seeking behavior was??

• Playdoh. He liked to play with it. Apparently it is weird for two year olds to want to play with it. My impromptu FB poll would say otherwise.
• Co-sleeping. M still co-sleeps and won't sleep in his own bed.
• Being Cuddly. I told the therapist he was my cuddly baby who liked to be held and snuggled on.
• Lining Up Cars. I told her that he liked to line up his cars and race them. Now I know there can be problems with kids who like to line up objects or otherwise categorize things, but M does this with one thing, and not that often. I told her this, but it was still note-worthy.

Now, while I completely understand that there are children in the world with Sensory Processing Disorders (SPD) I do not believe my child to be one of them. If we have gotten to the point where children who display the above behaviors are labelled as sensory seeking, then it's no wonder to me that diagnosis' such as SPD and autism are going through the roof. It is almost getting to the point that the 'typical' kids are in the minority.

I promise. I am not one of those moms who can't see the issues their child has. I am the one who recognized and fought for services for all three of my children for speech therapy. I asked for S to have an OT evaluation last year for concerns with fine motor. I constantly watch my children and believe completely in early intervention and the utilization of resources available to you. I just have a huge problem with labels and diagnosis being thrown around easily and nonsensically. To me, this gives a huge disservice to those who truly have these problems. If after scoring M, it shows he qualifies for services...god help me.

And for the record...his behaviors are no different than all the other children his age that we play with, and any of the adults that are constants in his life are shocked at the notion that he has anything sensory related.

Another Dentist Appointment...Another Follow Up Appointment for Cavities

Today all three kids had their 6 month dental appointment. In this area, my children are quite consistent.

K - Teeth, as always look fine. She still has yet to have a single cavity. Her teeth are nice and straight. Her 6yr molars have mostly come in. In three months we will return to the dentist to have sealants placed in all permanent molars. Hopefully, since these are permanent teeth, insurance will pay for it this time.

S - Sigh...As always, he has cavities. S has NEVER had a visit which doesn't end up with new found cavities. This time we found two more. We go back in 2 weeks to have those ones fixed. His 6yr molars have not yet poked through. I am curious to see how his adult teeth come in since all his baby teeth have had nothing but problems.

M - his exams are still not extremely comprehensive. But he did get a fluoride treatment with oral exam. His two front teeth are 'directionally challenged' another possible side effect from that darn pacifier. I really need to get that stink'in thing away from him. It seems to be causing too many problems. My goal is to have it completely gone by three!

Need to Share Something Nice

Last week after my fighting with my insurance company over M's emergency room visit I was quite emotional and rundown. At work the next day, some coworkers noticed it and asked me if something was wrong during our morning meeting. I took the opportunity to share my struggle because they needed to know that there was this clause in our insurance coverage. I warned my co-workers that if they used the ED they were subject to the copay doubling.

Well later in the day I was back eating lunch and found an envelop in my work bag addressed to 'Max's Mommy'. In it was $150 cash to cover the additional copay. It was all computer typed and there was no way to figure out who left it. I confronted a few people who I thought might have been responsible and they are adamantly denied it, and I believed them. So there is some sweet person that I work with who gave me this special gift. It really did lift my spirits.

Today I found out that my appeal was granted so they will remove my additional co-pay. In addition to the long letter, my boss fought for me. She is really sweet and protective that way. Anyway she called today and said it would be removed. Now I am trying to figure out what to do with the $150 my work angel left me. I need to do something meaningful with it since it was given in the spirit to help me. S really wants to attend a week long Dinosaur camp in June which costs $155 so I may use it for that.

There are some nice people out there :0)

Well that Hurt...

Another post about crappy friends and feeling like s#it.

On the way to my twin club meeting tonight I ran into Panera to get some dinner. As I walked in I found my three friends having dinner together before the meeting.

I used to really enjoy this club. I got a lot of friendship and support from it but now it seems to cause more hurt and feelings of seclusion. Maybe I need to reevaluate my membership.

I am starting to wonder what hurts more. The feeling of loneliness from not having any good, close friends, or being constantly hurt by the people I think are good friends.

Sigh...

Few More Pictures...

Trying Hard to be Better

I am trying to re-organize my life. I feel like I spend so much time wasting time and nothing of meaning gets accomplished.

When the twins were little we did weekly play dates. Went to special places on the weekend. Enrolled in about 2 years of gymnastics. We traveled to Canada twice and Florida three times. We were routined and it didn't seem overwhelming to get everything done. I don't feel that way.

I used to say it was the addition of the third child that changed the dynamics. But thats crap. Right now the kids are in school all day and I still do nothing. I am tired all the time. I spend too much catching up on things. I need to change some things.

1.) I am looking into getting the kids - all three of them - into some sort of activity. Swimming, gymnastics, whatever. Get them out of the house doing something. The only limitation here is money, but I will try hard to make something work.

2.) I have started a weekly play date here at the house. I need M to be able to play and relate to kids his age. I did this all the time with the twins and I have been so slack this time. Our first event today went well. I will have it here at the house for a few weeks and then once the weather gets better, we will meet at the park.

3.) I need to sleep better. Go to bed earlier and try not to nap my life away. There are mornings when after we drop the kids at school we come back home and go back to bed. M and I can sleep until 11 or 12p. It's ridiculous. But I guess since we both go to bed at like 1am...it makes more sense. M and I both need to get a better sleep schedule.

4.) I NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT. I'm sure a lot of my fatigue and crappy sleep come from being so overweight. I need to somehow get control of this. I have to figure out a way. Not just for sleep but my health overall. I NEED TO REGAIN CONTROL!!!

5.) Routine. I need to get into some routine. Wake at this time...Get XYZ done....Do this...just something that makes me follow more of a schedule instead of doing things when I feel like it, or get the energy. Doing things this way means a lot of stuff is never gotten to.

6.) I may need to look into another form of work. The 12h shifts are killing me. I spend the weekend physically recovering from them. I know losing weight might help with this, but I really do think with my MS that 12h is too hard on my body. (as a reference I was only working 8h shifts before M was born).

7.) Continue to work of money. I am doing okay here. It's hard when things like insurance companies continue to screw me, but I am trying.

In one month I will try to revisit these topics and see how I've done. Hopefully I will have made progress on at least half of them.

Making Friends

In the past I have made several posts about my frustrations with friends...or the lack thereof. I am trying to live outside my comfort zone and I have been trying to cultivate the potential relationships I have.

I am making some progress with one friend, L. I met her at the school stop where we pick up our kids in the afternoon. She lives a mile or so away and her son is in the same class as the twins. S likes hanging around him (he was the boy we went to the dinosaur exhibit with) and at one time K was going to marry him; although now I think the relationship is just platonic ;0) As luck would have it, she also has a son a few months younger than M.

Initially we just spoke at the stop, but as the kids relationship has grown, we have spent time together as the kids play after school and on weekends. Her personality jives with mine - the same dark, sarcastic humor and we seem to have similar ideas/beliefs/etc.

Sadly, as I mentioned in the previous post, her father dies very suddenly last Monday. This is a huge loss to her as her family lived in the same home as her parents. He was a huge presence in their life. She is doing pretty well and I have tried to be there for her. I have helped with her son, T, a few times and checked in on her every day or so.

I hope this friendship continues to grow. It would be great since our kids are all the same age and we live so close to eachother. It might also make me a little happier in life :0)

Insurance Rant #45982710

I received the medical bill for M's emergency room visit in January. It was quite a bit more than I thought it should be. Per my insurance, I pay a $150 co-pay for an emergency room visit, and an initial co-insurance of $400 per person. When I read through the bill, my co-pay was listed as $300.

I called my employer and was told that my insurance had made the determination that my emergency room visit was non-emergent and therefor I was being charged an additional $150.

Um....Say the Fuck what?

Children die every year from MRSA sepsis and my child was now on day three of fevers, spreading wounds and an abscess that was threatening circulation to his right leg. This was on a Sunday night, after office hours and after urgent care hours. How is this not emergent? Should I have waited until he was non-responsive, lethargic with other vital sign changes before bringing him in? The doctor was concerned that M might need to be admitted to the hospital. This wasn't urgent?

So needless to say I am launching an appeal and complaint. (1) It should not be up to the insurance company to look at a billing code and decide whether or not the care was warranted and (2) if my child's physician tells me to take my child to the emergency room I should not have to question whether or not my insurance will concur with his direction.

I'm not sure I will win this one, but I will fight tooth and nail for it. The thing that ABSOLUTELY SUCKS is I work for the hospital system that's screwing me and, if I refuse to pay, they just take it from my paycheck.

This just might be a catalyst that makes me look into pulling the kids from my insurance and having them cared for by the tax payers. As horrible as that is, I see no choice. I am trying to do the right thing and yet I am drowning in medical bills. This plain sucks!

***I have no idea why this post is formatted weird. I have tried to fix it with no luck***

Some Candid Shots

I was going through the computer looking for some recent pictures and to my dismay I have SUCKED at taking pics. I have no decent picture of M since Christmas!! So while the kids were playing today I took some pics :) Enjoy!

6 Year Stats

The twins had their 6 year check up today. They are both healthy and doing well. No identified problems and hopefully no reasons to go back for another year.

S:
50 pounds (73rd %) and 48.5" (93rd%)

K:
40 pounds (21st%) and 45.5" (55th%)

Both still skinny - thank goodness!

So Much Going On

Sorry I have been absent. I have had so much to say, but then when I sit to write it, I get overwhelmed and just give up. The last week alone has been very trying. I will give a quick run down.

1. Sunday night while finishing up what seems like my millionth load of laundry, the washer stops working. Not a great feeling. I have actually had a sense of doom about the house for a little while now because after my 12 month marathon of monthly house repairs, it had been rather quiet. Luckily someone came out and found that it was just a simple switch. Repair and all only cost $60. Score one for me.

2. Another Sunday night defeat. Max laid down to take a nap about 5p on the couch. All was well. When he woke around 8p he was covered, once again with MRSA sores. I just wanted to cry. We are all still on special soaps and I did everything I could. First thing Monday morning he was seen by his doc. I expressed how frustrated I was and the doctor really didn't have any further advice for me other than this can be typical, and I was doing everything right. He is now on 2 weeks of high dose antibiotics followed by 4 weeks of low dose. He is also on the nasal treatment and will continue with surgical soap. Since we caught it early there wasn't a lot of drama with fevers or draining this time...so that was great!

3. A few weeks ago, a close acquaintance had premature triplets. 2 boys and a girl were born at 29 weeks but doing rather well. Monday morning I found out that the girl had developed a sudden infection and died Sunday night. News like this always sends me into a depression. I felt like sh!t all day. Boys are doing well and I hope they continue on that path.

4. Monday night while talking to someone who I am starting to develop a good friendship with - will probably post about that at a later time - she mentioned that her dad was being taken to the hospital for shortness of breath. Her dad is somewhat of a celebrity around here and he was speaking at an event. We stopped talking at about 9:40p so that she could meet her dad. At 10:30p I signed onto FB only to see on my news feed people posting about his death. I was in SHOCK. This man was an amazing guy. The twins also knew him well because they are best friends with his grandson, and he volunteered in their classroom several days a week. I saw him the morning he died walking his grandson in.

The news has been in the media all week. I was able to attend the visitation which I was grateful for and then even able to watch the funeral service streaming online. The more I learned about him the sadder I felt. Not only did this community lose a great man, but I felt guilt for not getting to know him better while he was here. Its been a tough week with the emotions but also talking to the twins who have had lots of questions.

So today is Sunday...one week exactly from when the chaos started. I'm hoping for a quiet week. I will try to post more as I have some plans for change in place. I am just hoping I succed in them.