Saturday, May 24, 2014

So Much to Tell


That was the date of my last post. A post full of despair and hopelessness. Here it is almost 7 months later, and while life still throws me challenges and frustration, I couldn't be further from despair and hopelessness.

Not too long after that post was composed, a wonderful thing happened. I met M. We both came together damaged and weary. We both made broad statements at the start, of how we didn't need anything serious and that we were both looking for more of a companionship and friendship. Neither of us were in a place to expect anything more, not only from each other, but also from ourselves.

BUT from our first meeting I knew something was different. There was a connection, a *feeling* that was so unique to him. I felt safe, comfortable, open. We talked for hours. It was easy to be me with him. I felt like I could trust him right away. I remember telling a friend after our first date "You know...I don't believe in love at first sight...but if I did, it would feel something like this"

About six weeks in, we both abandoned our initial stubbornness and recognized what was in front of us. A very special, extraordinary bond. We gave in to our hearts and took the leap. I have never been more scared in my entire life.

Those who know me, know that I'm not all fluffy or emotional. M, however, can make me go there. I could write paragraph after paragraph explaining how amazing he is, how amazing the relationship has been and how he has turned this very independent, stubborn, fiercely self sufficient female into a pile of mush. But I won't :0)

There are challenges ahead, but we have already stomped through some. M moved in a few months ago. Yes, this was quick, and if it were me looking in, I would judge. There were circumstances that sped up this process, but I don't regret our decision. He has two children and an ex who isn't making things easy. We are continuing to work through this together and I'm confident that things will get easier...not easy, but easier.

The children have taken to M wonderfully. He loves them, and they love him. He is fully committed to being their dad. We are just taking it slow and letting the kids set the pace.

And there has been talk of marriage. For this reason alone, Hell should be freezing over with pigs flying over. Again, I'm not one for love at first sight, or soul mates or anything like that, but this relationship seems to support those notions. We've yet to have our first argument...we click on nearly every level...our thoughts, belief, values and morals are almost one in the same.

So, I am happy. I feel safe. I feel loved. He treats me better than anyone has. He makes me feel all the things I never thought possible. Still...I am still more terrified than I can put into words. That's one thing that a life full of struggle, challenge of emotional abuse can do to someone. When this wonderful thing comes your way, you spend a great deal of time trying to convince yourself that it won't all blow up in your face.

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