And....My Mom

So, since J has started dating Jo, my mother has been acting bazaar. She is obsessed with the relationship and is constantly trying to place herself into it. It's weird. It's strange. I don't know what is going on.

First, since day one my mom has been asking when he will start to support J. Before they were even officially dating, J needed a car and was staying here because she has no home. My mom constantly pushed J to ask Jo to buy her a car and rent her an apartment near him. J continued to push against this, which seemed to anger my mother. When they became 'official' my mom asked when J would be moving in with him. When J pushed back with this, my mom would go on these long diatribes about how a man supports his woman, she if this relationship was serious they would move in together. Mom kept saying how a long distance relationship would never work and continued to harp on moving in together or him renting her a place near by. For reference shake, they do live in separate towns. J usually stays here and Jo lives in a city about 1h15m from here.

If this wasn't bad enough, my mom wants an egagement by February. Yep, I said February. I have no idea why this is so important, or really why it's any of her business, but it's an obsession of hers. With EVERY conversation she and my sister has my mom brings this back up. 'When are you getting married?'...'When are you moving there?' 'Do you have a ring yet?'. It's ridiculous. She is 21 years old and has her whole life ahead of her. If you were her mother would you want her rushing into marriage? Did I mention they only met in October??

If the questions and harassment aren't enough, my mom has become very manipulative. She will cry when talking to J saying she is being left out of the relationship. Why doesn't J bring Jo around more. If your mother was saying the things she was, would you want to bring the boyfriend around? J (and I) are pretty worried about what my mom would say to him as she isn't shy to share her feelings. If J doesn't share personal information about their relationship, or share details about Jo's life - life income, lifestyle etc - she gets mad and will scream and tell J she's a liar or crazy. My mom has even gone as far as to say she needs to get engaged and married now before my grandparents die (they're old, but nothing is wrong with them) because to deny them of seeing that would be selfish. O.M.G.

My mom spends a lot of time researching him online. She knows weird details about him like childhood stuff, even found a picture of him as a child and now has it on display in the house. Her FB feed is covered with stuff about Jo. Most posts reference him, the games, or if J sends her any texts or pictures of them, it get put right up on her wall.

Also, during fights with J, it she has made some statements about my choice of not getting married which are kind of hurtful. Like somehow unless you get married you can't possibly be normal, and not doing so is a selfish choice. Everything my mother says though, comes back to her. We are denying her of a daughter being married. J is denying her access to the relationship. In addition if I ever try to tell her how crazy she sounds she attacks me saying I don't know anything about relationships. Well, I think that's crap, but even if true, her relationship track record...how is that better than mine?

So, this behaviour is driving me nuts for several reasons. I have to hear J freak out over it every night. I have to hear it sometimes. J is actually in the only relationship I have ever though an ounce of positivity about and I am afraid that my mom is going to screw it up. I also worry about my mom. This isn't normal, so why is she acting like this. I know she has been more depressed lately - always that way in the winter. She is also not working right now so she has a lot of time on her hands. I also think there is some weird jealousy thing going on with her sisters. She flat out denies it, but I think it plays a part.

My mom and two of her sisters had baby girls all around the same time, so there are 3 cousins that are all within a year of eachother. Last year one, K announced an engagement. She is engaged to a very wealthy boy. Well, his family is wealthy, not sure about the boy. In fact, they aren't even married yet and the family has bought them a large home as a wedding present. K's mom is the Aunt of mine who is very superficial and materialistic, so I'm sure she couldn't be happier. My mom and her were speaking until a few months ago, so my thoughts are that she said something hurtful to my mom, probably related to K's engagement, and that has set off my mom. The other girl, T, has gotten into a significant relationship and has moved in with her boyfriend. Both of these events took place a few months before J started dating Jo. My belief is my mom is completely jealous, and has a intense need to one up her sisters (at least K's mom) to prove something. Unfortunately J get to be the victim of that insanity.

So if you read through all that - wow - and now I'm sure you think my family is crazier than ever. I hope we can find a way to break through to my mom soon. I really think if this doesn't stop one of two things will happen. (1) J will cave to all the stress/pressure and the best relationship, and potentially a great future husband, will all come crashing down. Or (2) J will become tired of all the bullshit and she will cut off ties with my mom. Neither one is good.

And as crazy as I thought she was acting as I type this up I realize that she is so much worse than I have been thinking. It sounds like my mom is a loon.

Ugh...Thanks for the Education

My mom watched the kids this past Sunday while I worked. While watching them she watched one of her true crime shows. You know the Dateline, 48 Hour Mystery ones where the wives kill their husbands. Well I guess the twins were with her because they started asking about 'killing' and my mom gave them a whole lesson on death. She included a lot of stuff like everyone dies; you get buried in a box; you die when your older, etc. This was not a good thing.

K has been worried since. She has asked me a few times if she's getting older. She worries that she will die before she can get a job or be a mommy. She said today that she needs to find a husband because if she doesn't, there will be no one to bury her when she dies. Many of these concerns are expressed while she is tearful and visibly worried.

I told my mom today what has been going on and my mom has the nerve to say that K has an anxiety problem and maybe needs counselling or medication! WTF? She's four and was given way too much information on a subject she can't process right now. I asked my mom not to do that again. She stated she wasn't going to lie to the kids. I told her I didn't expect her to lie, but the information she provides needs to be age appropriate. My mom just didn't understand and said I was shielding the kids from reality.

What is even more aggravating is the last time she watched them, my mom watched one of these shows involving a pregnant woman who was abducted and her baby stolen from her womb. How do I know this? K told me in vivid detail the story, peoples names, who went to jail etc. I talked to my mom after this incident and expressed some concern. K is a very smart little girl and is very aware of what is said around her. She sucks up everything like a sponge and I don't want her little head filled with this crap.

Sigh...why are mothers so difficult. I don't remember watching this kind of stuff when I was four?

Finally Alone

I haven't mentioned this here, but my parents had been living with me.

As you may remember my dad came the week of Thanksgiving to help me with the twins and impending birth. My mom arrived the next week and the plan was for them to stay until Christmas. Well my dad, who was laid off work in November of 2008, ended up with a job interview and offer about 30 miles from here. So while my parents looked for and purchased a home, they stayed here with me. They just moved out this past Saturday.

If you had told me 4 months ago that my parents would be coming to stay with me for 3 months I would have freaked. My mom and I tend to not get along too well when we are together for too long, but honestly, it worked out really well.

My parents helped me with the kids in the morning so that I could sleep in with Max...sometimes until 10 or 11. I also had free babysitting at night which I took advantage of several times. I was able to have naps without worrying and if I wanted to have a hot bath...I had someone to hold the baby. It actually all worked out very well. Really the only problem we had was that N hates my mom...and my mom hates N so that got fun sometimes.

Now that they are gone I have mixed feelings. It's nice to have the house to myself again. I am trying to organize and clean. I am working on getting M into his own room and crib (see post below) I need to whip the kids back into shape and get back onto a routine. Of course the lack of adults here to watch the kids while I sleep in, do needed chores or have that oh so wonderful hot bath does stink...but I guess that's the reality of having three kids as a single mom.

Very Busy Day Today

We started by going to gymnastics. Then a play date here at the house and then a quick drive (well 1.5hour) to where my parents are. My mom had a hysterectomy today and I decided that we better go visit. I can't even imagine the wrath she could lay on my if I didn't.

She looked like most patients the day of surgery. Crappy. She was in a lot of pain and her PCA wasn't really covering it. She went in and out of sleep the entire time so I don't think she remembers too much of our visit.

The twins were cute. Obviously very concerned for her, but also very curious as to what was going on. Of course they probably couldn't completely grasp the situation. When we left K told grandma to make sure she took her medicine to get better.

The plan is to send her home tomorrow. Lets hope for a quick recovery.

Still Not Time...

Still no peak. In fact, when I test using regular OPK's I don't even have a faint line. I'm starting to tell myself I already O'd but that is virtually impossible. Today is CD14. I usually O on day 15 or 16. I have just been totally thrown off my the peak on the meter so early.

Talked to my mom tonight and she pissed me off...whats new right? I mentioned in passing that I still had a desire to adopt and she just started harping on me about how I already had 2 kids and I needed to stop, blah, blah, blah. She knows I will be trying again, but has no idea that I'm trying now. I think she is in denial though and hopes I won't go through with it. She seems to think that she will have to do something if another baby comes. It will be nice to have her support and help, but not necessary.

She also started getting on me about being single again. My mom is someone who has to be with someone. She cannot fathom why on earth I'm not searching the city looking for a husband. An old boyfriend from Canada posted "Happy Birthday" on my facebook page and my mom jumped on me saying that I needed to email him and see if he was single yada, yada, yada. She seems desperate for me to find someone. I wish she could understand that I am happy and I don't want anyone. Sadly...I don't think she ever will.

My Mom Drives Me Crazy

My parents have been in Mexico since the 31st. They will be back this Saturday. After they left I did email my mom to tell her what had happened to K. We emailed back and forth until last Wednesday. Today I get this email

"Hi. Thanks for e-mailing and checking to see how are trip was going over the past two weeks! Sorry, they say sarcasm is anger turned outward. I guess I'm hurt."

What the fuck!? Um...would you consistently email a person on vacation when you had absolutely nothing to tell them? I know my sister has been talking to them, so they were fine. I asked like 10 people at work today and all but one said they wouldn't have been emailing.

Are our lives so enmeshed that I can't go a week without talking to my mom and it not being a huge deal? Wow, I so look forward to seeing her this weekend at the twins birthday.

Crazy Stuff

So this morning I woke up with a sore throat. That progressed into full body aches and a slight fever. I hate being sick.

While at work my mom sent me two emails. One to tell me she fell off a ladder and the other to show me the pics...except one thing, I didn't get the email telling me she fell and only got these pictures:

Of course I was freaked out trying to figure out what the hell happened. I had to take a break and call her. Needless to say I wasn't pleased with the email snafu, but at least a little relieved with how she hurt herself - not attacked or something like that. She is very sore, obviously, but she should be fine. Nothing is broken, but of course she isn't very mobile.

Also just to add, when I came home today, all four of my fish were suddenly dead :( Nothing seemed to be wrong. Since I have had so much trouble, this is the end of the fish.

???

I am so busy lately. I am beyond tired and I feel like I am being pulled in ten different directions. I just invested $600 into a small business and I have yet to turn out a product. I have a million things on my to do list.

Well last week my mom asks me to build her a webpage for her new "spur of the moment" business idea. I gave her some ideas, but she kind of turned those down and wanted me to build the page for her. I haven't even got my business started but she wants me to work on hers. So I emailed her and told her that despite me wanting to help, that this was not a good time and that maybe in a few weeks I could do it for her. This was her response

"I have to say that I was very hurt with your response to helping me with my webpage. Everyone always wants something from me but when it comes to me wanting or needing something from someone else they are always too busy or just ignore the request completely. I don’t think I ask a lot and when I do ask it’s because I’m stuck and have no where else to turn.

I know it would take time and effort but with all you do in your life surely you can find some time for me.

Dad has completely rejected my request as well. Right now I feel like crying because it has hit me square in the face that everyone thinks I am here to serve them and they owe me nothing in return.

I never have anyone that I can go to when I need help because everyone seems to see me as only the one that helps others when they need someone, never the other way around.

I am very hurt and disappointed and at this point don’t feel like ever doing anything for anyone ever again."

Okay....what!!?? I am so pissed right now! Also, what the hell is she talking about me always wanting her for something! She hasn't done shit for me in months!! In fact the last 2 times I asked for her help (one time I even offered to pay) I was flat out told no. I am so freaking tired of this type of bullshit from my mom.

Today was Good

Today was one of those days that reminded me how lucky I am and how much I value being a mother. This morning the twins slept in a little. They crept into my bed about 8am this morning. S asked me to put 'George' (Curious George) and all three of us snuggle in my bed while we watched George. Well the twins watched, mommy caught some extra Z's :) We then played a little downstairs for the remainder of the morning.

This evening the kids had a birthday party at Chuckie Cheese. They had never been there before so I was a little nervous. They did great. At first S was scared to death of the mechanical puppets, but warmed up to them quickly. They loved riding all the cars and pulling tickets from the machines. They ate all their pizza and listened well. They really, really seemed to enjoy themselves.

The kids were very sweet on the way home asking me to find the moon for them and telling me they loved me. I wish I could have kept them up late and just cuddled but it was already late enough by the time we got home.

I often wonder what I did that was so good to deserve them...

My Mom is Pissing Me Off

My mom called today. At first we chatted no problem. Then we stared talking about her 'new' self-diagnosed illness. My mom has a tendency to self diagnose herself with things all the time. Well I brought up the fact that I thought most of her symptoms were psycho-somatic and she went crazy. Apparently I'm self righteous and ignorant. Me saying that I think some of her illness' may be psychological is like her saying my MS is on my head. I'm not sure how since I have MRI's, blood and spinal fluid that tells me what I have. Anyway I tried to end the conversation saying let's agree to disagree and she said that wasn't acceptable. Even though I am a grown woman with my own mind, I am un-educated if I don't believe what she does.

I'm sure I'll get a nasty email some time tonight about what a horrible person I am. How I demand support (which she always says but I never understand) and that I am never willing to 'give'.

I am a BAD Momma...and my friends suck

I woke up this morning really just wanting to stay in my PJ's all day long and I ended up running all over. We decided to go swimming at the Y. One of my friends was supposed to meet me there with her son. Well a few minutes before we left, she bailed. Ok, fine, whatever. I was going to go anyway. The twins had a great swim and I enjoyed myself too.

On the way home I get a call from another friend asking us to go to the final ballgame of the season. I really didn't want to, but I gave in because I had never taken the kids to a ballgame and everything was $1. So we get home, change and then leave again for downtown. Parking was a nightmare and I waited in line for what must have been 30 minutes for tickets. We get there and look for my friend and find a nice area with chairs. The only problem is it's not in the shade and dumb ass mommy forgot sunscreen. So anyway after we are there for an hour in the heat and sun I decide to leave because, get ready...my friend never shows up!? WTF? I didn't even want to go, then all this hassle and she doesn't even come!!

We got home about 2pm. When I went to get S out of the car seat I found that I didn't remember to buckle him in....Nice. We went inside, laid down for a nap, and of course the kids woke up sunburned. Not as badly as me, but enough to make me feel bad about the whole thing.

I didn't do anything tonight. I have a shit load of stuff to do tomorrow and I'm not looking forward to it.

So How's This for a Guilt Trip

My parents have a home in the mountains. I have only been like twice since they built it 6 years ago. I just don't like the mountains plus the 5+ hour drive. I also think the twins are still a bit young to have a good time at the mountains without driving me crazy. My mom is constantly inviting us and I always tell her that it's not my thing. They are there now and here is the email I got.

It's beautiful here. We walked to the lake this morning and took the pedal boat out. The dogs follow us along the shore while we pedal the boat. Too bad you don't enjoy the cabin and the outdoors. I always have, even when I was young. I always loved being at Pam's cottage. I guess you don't have those genes. I always dreamed of the kids and grandkids visiting us here and enjoying themselves but I guess it's just a dream.

Oh brother.