Staycation Day #2

Today was another good day. We cheated a little bit and sent M to daycare. I figured if I could have a little less chaos for some of our activities today, I would take advantage. The twins were told to say nothing to M about our plans and the drop off went rather smoothly.

We started our day at a local bounce house play ground for the kids. I met up with a friend who I haven't seen in ages. It was great to sit and have some adult time while the kids ran crazy around us. I need to try and work harder at this, since it seems to do so much for my mood. After two hours of kid frenzy I took the twins to their favorite place for meals...Subway. They both ate an entire 6" sub, a cookie and a drink. Help me when they become teenagers and I have to buy groceries to keep them all satisfied.

We then headed to complete our back to school shopping. Except for shoes for S, I believe we have everything we need. I don't even want to think about how many $100's I've spent in the last week in clothes, shoes and supplies. It would cause me too much pain. I can't even begin to think of how much more it will cost when child #3 is added to the mix. Thank goodness for three paydays in August!!

We ended the night at a community organized Night Out to Play. We joined some friends at the local park and played for about 90 minutes. There were firetrucks and police cars and had we stayed, a movie to be played in the soccer field.

Staycation Day #1

Today we went to our town's Natural Science Center. In the last few weeks they added on a new aquarium we the four of us checked it out. The exhibit was quite nice, but I guess to pay for this nice exhibit they raised the price of admission. Unless I go ahead with a yearly membership, I don't think we'll be back anytime soon.

Present...

So I have kinda given you a rapid overview of the highlights of the last year, mostly about the kids...now, what have I been up to the last year...

Well starting last May I started working more hours at work which eventually turned into an official full time position in January. I like my new role - more leadership/admin - and the hours work well for me. I knew it was time to start working full time and while I would have loved to stay part time forever, I'm glad I was able to stay home most of the time until M was three.

In May I also started to read again. I used to love to read and stopped after the twins were born. In May I installed the Kindle app on my iPad and started with the wildly popular Hunger Games and went on from there. I will have to admit now that reading has now become my obsession. It seems to calm me and take away some of my day to day anxiety. This is good, but also bad because of course I should be doing things like cleaning the house. I am a very fast reader - I can finish a 200 page book in a few hours - and I have been tracking my reading on Goodreads. In the last year I have read 307 books. Don't judge me.

This past fall I started to get into a slump. I was more introverted and really didn't get excited about much of anything. It was hard to power through events for the kids and things like Halloween. While I wouldn't say I was depressed, I definitely had a low period. I started looking at friendships and relationships I had and realized that many of them had seemed broken for awhile. I'm pretty sure I had been posting about this, but my twin mom group who I had been very connected to in the past, seemed to cause more hurt for me, and I often felt like I was left out or intentionally kept out of things. I did try to talk myself out of those feelings but they came to the forefront this winter. Initially it started after none of the friends from the twin group came to the twins party. I did hear from one group, but two other friends who have been at all the other parties just didn't show. It's kind of pathetic to say, but I was literally in tears that night knowing that what I was feeling wasn't off, but hurt that they allowed that to impact our children. The final nail in the coffin was a few weeks later when I was having a hard time keeping up with all my responsibilities due to health/work/school so I emailed the entire officer group - about 9 people, 4 of whom I would have once said were good friends - to let them know everything that was going on and to tell them I had to step down. Only two people, one of whom is not included in the four mentioned above - emailed me back to acknowledge what I had said. I initially wasn't going to completely leave the group...but after that obvious statement on where I stood with them...I haven't been able to go back.

My health has also been a frustration this past year. My MS is doing fine and in fact, this February marked 5 years since diagnosis with no flares since diagnosis! This is pretty huge!! Unfortunately I have been having problems with cellulitis. Right before Christmas I developed a spot under my arm that spread very quickly. In a matter of days I was admitted to the hospital and given IV antibiotics and had to have an I&D performed. There was no explanation for it other than it just sometimes happens. I was discharged from the hospital on Christmas Eve and thank goodness my parents were able to care for the kids while I was in the hospital and for a week after I got home. Almost exactly a month later, I developed another spot, this time on my abdomen. It followed the same rapid spread and I did everything I could to stay out of the hospital. This time my parents were not available and there was no way I could be admitted. I had a shot of antibiotic in the butt and was on 4 different pills. For a week I was taking over 20 pills a day to stay out of the hospital. Had my parents been here, I would have allowed myself to be re-admitted. After about a week things started to turn and luckily got better. Since that time I have had two more spots come up. Neither have been as bad, nor required medications. I have stopped taking my MS meds because that is the only thing I can think of that might be causing this. I went off them for 2 months and did okay and as soon as I restarted them, a developed another spot. This whole thing has been very frustrating and every time a new spot surfaces it causes me a lot of anxiety not knowing if this time I will need to be hospitalized again.

And because all the above wasn't enough to keep me on my toes...I started school in April as a full time student. Crazy huh? My hospital has a huge focus on all their RN's having their BSN degree...and I don't. They decided that all RN's in higher level positions had to get their degree within a few years or be stripped of everything. So, I am begrudgingly going back to school. I am in a 100% online program and so far it hasn't been too bad, but I would, of course, rather not be doing it. My evenings and weekends are focused on classes now...which stinks. I should graduate in September of 2014 if all goes well.

Otherwise, I think I'm about the same. My weight hasn't changed any...which is bad. It's always on my 'I really need to' list which I never quite seem to do anything about. Money is tight as always. Friendships are even suckier than before, because while I've always had a hard time having close friends, the few I had are gone. Right now I am very isolated and withdrawn. I need to work on this, but I'm not sure how. And...in news probably related to the last point, I have started to feel like maybe I don't want to live my life by myself. I've always been very happy being single and have rarely had thoughts otherwise, but lately I yearn for another adult in my life. The problem is the package I'm offering isn't very appealing and anytime I think I might reach out, I am reminded of the high likelihood of failure and additional hurt.

So...here's my year in a nut shell. I will try to post again before May 2014 ;0)

To leave you, here are a few pics of the kids I took this weekend

March 2013

March was a pretty quiet month. The twins ended up getting sick again and were out of school a week in addition to the week they had for Spring break. Our house, which is usually pretty healthy had a very tough winter and the twins missed a lot of school. I even got a call from the school social workers wanting to know what was up. Luckily, after the pneumonia/pink eye event, they finally seemed to be healthy again.

Here is a picture from Easter Morning

February 2013

Of course the big event in February is the twins birthday! S and K turned 7 this February!!  The day of their birthday stunk :0( S had a horrible ear infection with high fever and K had an ear infection which caused her ear drum to perforate. They were both pretty miserable but perked up for a bit for a little party at home. Luckily they felt much better by the time their big party came. They had a party at a bounce house with all their friends from school.

 All the medications the twins (and M had something too) needed to take for two weeks. It was a nightmare keeping up with all of it!

On their birthday. They both look a little ill, but they're troopers!

January 2013

January was a very busy month for our household. There were many changes, most of them good for all of us.

First, I officially took a full time position at work. I had actually put in my notice because I was needing to go full time, and being a floor nurse with 12h hours shifts wasn't going to cut it. When I told my boss of my plans, a position was created for me! I am mostly in administration/leadership now helping with scheduling, compliance, quality, payroll and finance. It keeps me busy and I do occasionally function as the unit charge nurse to keep me at the bedside.

Second, my time had come to move N out of my home. This was a perfect time since I was going full time and really couldn't provide the supervision she needed. After 7 years of her being in my home I was beyond ready to have her gone. Yes...I know that sounds horrible, but until you've been in my shoes, I don't want to hear your thoughts ;0) She moved out and in with my mom. This move alone has made many things so much easier on me,

Third, because I was now full time a nanny wasn't really cost efficient anymore, so the kids moved to a daycare setting. M started full time daycare. I was really worried but it has been such a GREAT thing for him. His speech has improved, he's learning so much and his social skills are coming along great. The twins are watched by a classmates mom in the afternoon. This has worked well since she does homework with all of them when they get home...which leaves me off the hook.

The twins started some after school activities. S wanted to play basketball and K wanted to cheer. The school offered both programs and they both really enjoyed themselves.

November 2012

Time to pose for Christmas Card photos!

September 2012

Normally we have our trip to the cabin every July, but this year it had to be postponed until Labor Day. Here are some pics of the kids enjoying themselves at Grandpa and Pop-Pop'

s cabin.

August 2012

Big exciting event for August...first day of First Grade!!

The Close to Perfect Zoo Trip

On Monday, my friend L and I took our kids to the zoo. Despite one hiccup (read post below) the trip was really nice. The weather was perfect, the kids were pretty well behaved and most the animals were out.

M really liked the visit. He has been a few times before but I think this was the first time he really knew what was going on. He loved seeing all the animals, and chasing after the big kids. It was a great trip and great company!

We will be headed back in a few weeks to see a new Dinosaur exhibit they will have this summer. S can't wait ;).

Few More Pictures...

Some Candid Shots

I was going through the computer looking for some recent pictures and to my dismay I have SUCKED at taking pics. I have no decent picture of M since Christmas!! So while the kids were playing today I took some pics :) Enjoy!

Happy Birthday!!!.....Part 3...or maybe even 4

Today was two special days. I celebrated my 30 something birthday and we had the twins birthday party!

The day started with my parents coming over with lunch and cake. We casually ate at home and really just hung out for a few hours - honestly a perfect way to spend the afternoon. In the evening it was time to celebrate S and K's 6th birthday with all our friends! I rented out a local roller rink and ordered pizza for dinner. About 30 kids were invited and about 28 were supposed to come.
Well, mother nature decided to be a pain in the ass. All winter we have had mild and above average temperatures. Yesterday, infact, it was warm enough to go out in short sleeves and play outside without feeling even a little cold. Today, it was 30 some degrees and by 5pm (the start of the party) heavy sleet was coming down. Unfortunately, some kids didn't come because of this. We still had a good showing, but it was very frustrating that the one day I had something really important plan...winter decides to show up :0/

Anyway, the party was very nice. One friend made some really cute birthday shirts and another one made an amazing cake. The kids all seemed to have fun and they got some cute gifts.

And I'll include and picture of our 'storm'. And just because Mother Nature needed to screw with me a little more...it was 60 degrees today and all the snow is gone. Grrrrrrr

Happy Birthday!!

Today my first babies turn six. I am in disbelief. I am in denial.

When they woke up each got hugs and kisses. I told them both Happy Birthday to my BIG kids and K responded with "I am the same size I was yesterday" They went off to school very excited that they could share their day with their friends. I went back to the school at 12:30p to help celebrate a little with pudding cups and drinks.
When they got home, two more presents had been left at the door from a special friend. S got a Kinex Dinosaur and K got a cotton candy maker. She has been asking for one for over a year (I couldn't find one last year for her birthday). We had just enough time to open these, and some clothes from mom - I know...boring! - before heading to dinner. They chose their favorite place to eat and after dinner we spurlged and went to Cold Stone for dessert.
It was a good day. Not too much activity, but a nice time spent together doing special family things.

Par-tay Number One

My parents came over today to celebrate the twins birthday. They just arrived home yesterday from Mexico - if your keeping track they were there 3 weeks!

The kids were not only excited to celebrate their birthday, but they had missed their grandma and pop-pop very much and couldn't wait to see them. Me...I was most excited about giving them their dog back ;0)
S received more Lego sets and some clothes. I have spent a lot of time impressing upon him the importance of keeping up with the Lego. They are not cheap and I have made it clear to S that he needs to start caring for his toys. I am hoping he 'listened' and I will see a change in him. I really think Lego is perfect for him, but I will not be wasting money on it.
K received some clothes and some My Little Pony stuff. The best gift?? A little girls bra. You should have seen the smile on her face when she opened the gift. At first, she saw Dora the Explorer on it and tossed it to the side. When my mom explained what it was, she was smitten. She has worn it all day, and has said she wants to wear it every day. Not sure what I'm going to do with that girl.