A New Baby is on the Way!!

Not me...I wish!

Our little donor family is growing. One of our families is expecting another baby in April. I've know for a few weeks but she finally had an US today and it showed a healthy little bean.

This will be baby #13 for us. We have 8 families with a current total of 12 children. There are 6 boys and 6 girls. So far I am the only one with twins. Me and another mom each have three a piece. This new baby will be baby number three for this family, but the second with our donor.

I am excited! There is another family who is TTC baby #14. Maybe I will sneak in baby #15 at some point :)

Insanely Jealous

Okay, what's the deal? I know a handful of people who were pregnant at about the same time as me (with M). I think I can rattle off 5 or 6 of those people who have recently announced their pregnant again. Every time I read one of these announcements I get green with envy!!!

The silly thing is, I couldn't imagine being pregnant right now with as busy and with as much needs as M still has. He still breastfeeds, wakes at night, prefers to be carried everywhere. In many way he is still a baby. So while being pregnant right now would be impossible, I am still envious!

And...I will be back later for a better post once the Mook is in bed :0)

I'm So Excited

I have been so happy all day. I can't believe I actually have what I have been thinking about for over a year, and working hard towards for the past 2 months. It also makes me feel better about all the symptoms I've been having. I was starting to think I was going crazy :)

Along with the excitement is this feeling like "What the hell have I just done" Although I want this more than anything, the thought of being pregnant again, after my horrible last pregnancy, and reality of three kids is a little crazy! But of course, this feeling is easily pushed away by my happiness!

I hope this is the beginning of a healthy nine months!

:)

Guess who saw a very faint second line today?

I am thrilled :) I will keep testing until I get a nice dark line....but as of right now...I'm pregnant!!

Still Fairly Optimistic

Despite the negative test this morning I am still feeling optimistic. I know that 10dpo is early, although it was still a little painful to see that negative test. I would feel more bummed out if it weren't for all the continued symptoms that I am having.

My breasts are killing me and I am so tired that I yawn all day and feel as though I could have a nap at any time. I also have lots of CM - TMI I know, but it is a pregnancy sign. I feel VERY similar to the way I did when I got pregnant with the twins. I tested positive with them on 12dpo, however, that was the first day I tested.

I am about 90% confident that I am pregnant right now. It will be a big blow if I'm not, but I really think I am.

10dpo...Negative

:(

Still early. I keep telling myself that. Still early. I will test again on Saturday. I still have my symptoms so I am trying to keep my head up.

Maybe Saturday will be my day?

Back to Being More Positive

My temps went up this morning - good sign

My breast are sore...not just tender...but sore

I have tons of CM

I will take an early detection pregnancy test tomorrow morning. It will still be a little early, but I am really hoping I get the result I want.

Don't Know What To Feel

I am feeling down today. I don't think it's necessarily because of the negative test. I'm not having any symptoms today. I am starting to get worried that I have been so hopeful these past few days and I'm just setting myself up for a HUGE let down. Maybe I am trying to protect myself by feeling more negative now. I don't know.

I've said it before and I'll say it again. TTC is just a big mind Fu@k and I hate it.

As Expected...

Negative

I tested with a dollar store test. I am trying not to get bummed out. Like I said, I think I am closer to 8dpo and that is really WAY too early to test. I think I am going to hold out until Thursday to test again.

Please don't let me fall too hard!

I Think I'm Crazy

But I'm going to test tomorrow. I know my ticker says 10dpo but I'm pretty sure it's closer to 8dpo. I know it's early, but I am having a lot of symptoms. My mind just tells me that if these are true symptoms, and there is enough hormone in my body to cause these symptoms, it should be detectable by a test. I won't let myself get bummed if it's negative, but I am giving into my testing urges :)

I am still having a lot of heartburn and nausea pretty much every time I eat or wake up. This is odd for me. I haven't thrown up and no one around me is sick, so I have to assume it might be something else. I also have slightly tender breasts - although this was a major symptom last month which of course was nothing.

I was also comparing the cycle I conceived the twins and it's very similar
- Probably ovulated on CD18
- Ovulated from the same side
- The month before conception it was assumed I didn't ovulate (last month that is a definite possibility)

I really, really hope I'm not setting myself up for a HUGE disappointment. I will let you know what the test tomorrow shows, although logically, I know it will be negative.

Symptoms

I am still having some symptoms. The heartburn comes and goes...and this is not normal for me. My breasts are a little tender and today for about an hour I was very nauseous. I am going to hold out until Wednesday or Thursday to test, but I am feeling slightly optimistic.

**4/6 am UPDATE**
I am so nauseous right now. I just want to throw up. Also another rough night with heartburn. I hope these are all good signs.

Hmmm...

So this morning, 2:30a to be exact, I wake up and I don't feel well at all. I kind of sit there for a few minutes and then realize I am going to throw up. Run to the bathroom, vomit, and everything feels better.

I know it's almost too early to be experiencing any true symptoms...but it definitely has me thinking.

Insemination Two

Despite being incapacitated by a horrible migraine, I managed to complete my second insemination this morning. I again couldn't do IUI so ICI was done. The insemination went smoothly and I am pretty happy with the timing. I surged with both my monitor and OPK's. My saliva scope and temps indicate that I probably Ovulated within the past 24hours, or within the next 24 hours.

Now I am left to obsess and over analyze the next two weeks. Ah...the joy. And for those who are interested, I will probably start testing on Wednesday, April 8th. Wish me luck!

Insemination One - Friday

I decided to inseminate for the first time on Friday night. I think in retrospect I jumped the gun. Although I had many fertility signs, I still hadn't surged on the OPK's. Since I was now at CD15 I felt like maybe I would never surge and to just go ahead with the insemination. I wasn't able to do the IUI again, so it was just ICI. I just don't remember having this difficulty with IUI last time, but I guess pregnancy does change your reproductive anatomy, so maybe it's in a different place now - LOL.

Here are some pics of the equipment, because a friend of mine was interested in what it looked like.

The Box, which contains the dewer. My guess would be that it weighs about 25 pounds.

Here is the box opened, showing the sealed dewer.

The dewer with the top open. You can really tell in the pic, but it's smoking from the dry ice.

The container which contains the vials. You can see the 'smoking' better in this pic.

The stick with my vial.

My Frosty Vial :)

OPK's Suck and Other Musings

I am so tired of peeing on sticks and waiting for lines to show up! It's CD14 which should mean a surge any time. My cervix and CM appear to be pointing to signs of fertility but those damn OPK's are still negative. Temps are still down and I haven't felt any true ovulation pain yet. I know I need to be patient but it's very hard. I just keep worrying that I will miss my window.

I thought this go round I would be less stressed since I already have the twins, but truth be told I think its more stressful. I think it's mostly due to limited vials and my need to have all the children by the same donor. I really hope I get a surge soon and I can inseminate.

I had my meeting at work today and my job is fine. No changes...at least not in position. Now my sitter has her meeting tomorrow. All signs point to her keeping her same job and position too, but until I hear it from her mouth, and know that my nanny is still mine...I will be a little worried.

Well...here's to a nice clear surge tomorrow and my nanny keeping her position. That would truly make a good Friday.

Cycle Update

Today is CD11. My shipment should be here on Wednesday. I am thinking I will probably inseminate on Thursday or Friday.

Initially I was freaked out this cycle because I registered high on CD9. I never register high until CD11 or later. I thought I would ovulate before my vials could arrive and therefore this cycle would also be a bust. Well, the monitor has stayed on high and so far my OPK's have been negative, so I think I'm okay.

I have also tracked my temperatures this month, which, I think, drives me more crazy then anything, but I am seeing if that sheds any more light on my cycle. All other fertility signs are slowly heading in the right direction. I hope this means my body is doing what it is supposed to and I will ovulate correctly and after my vials arrive.

In other news, I went to my neuro doc today for a routine follow up. He can't find anything wrong with my neurological exam and says I am doing great. He does however want to do another MRI just to see whats going on. Of course it will be scheduled in the next few weeks, a time period in which I wont know if I'm pregnant. Everything says MRI's are safe during pregnancy, but I have a feeling when I tell this to the radiologist, he won't want to do it. Oddly enough, that would be okay with me. In a way, I don't want to know whats going on. My life is fine right now and I have no MS symptoms. I don't want to ruin that by hearing that I have more lesions - ykwim? I assume that most likely, since I am symptom free, that I don't have any new activity, but there is always a chance. In a case like this...I truly believe ignorance is bliss.

Shipment #2 is on It's Way

I ordered my next two vials. I had a moment of panic last night thinking I had just 2 more tries before I have to involve a doctor. I am really, really hoping for success this time.

To try and nail down timing better I am temping, I will chart CM and Cervical position. I have a hand full of OPK's and I bought a saliva scope. I also bought some better IUI catheters. My insemination technique was my biggest 'failure' last cycle so I hope these will help.

Here's to that Christmas Baby!

Hiding All Evidence of TTC

Thank goodness I was talking to my mom, and thank goodness she mentioned the possibility of coming to the house tomorrow while I was at work. My mom does not need to know about my plans. She is a very high stress person and would drive me crazy with her 'what-ifs' and 'what about nows'. I just can't handle that. So upstairs to my room I went and put away all testing materials, sticks, cups, syringes, etc. Luckily I am only on CD5 so I don't need any of that stuff right now.

Interesting story on how my mom found out I was TTC with the twins.

She knew that I was thinking about this route and of course I had just lost Zach, but for the same reasons above I didn't want to involve her in the process. Well on my second cycle she was over at the house. At the time I had two dogs, one of which was a PITA! Well I had my garbage on the front porch and that stupid dog tore into it. My mom decided to clean it up for me and of course what was one of the items that spilled out into the porch...a pregnancy test! UGH!

This time I only have one dog - who doesn't tear into the garbage. I have hidden all my supplies. The twins and N have no idea what I am doing. There should be no way that my mom will figure this out tomorrow! I plan on telling her when I am good and pregnant :)

CD1...Finally

Well I finally started today and you know what, it was a relief. Finally I can move on to other things and focus on this cycle. I have already mapped out my 'probable' schedule, I have some supplies on hand which I need to practise a little on using and I've decided that when I order my sperm I will also order a saliva scope. I want to use as many fertility signs as possible. I have also started temping, which in the past, tends not to work, but I'm going to try again.

So...cycle #2. This one can work. This one will work :)

Feeling Better Today

I am still spotting with no flow. I finally broke down and called my OB. They thought it could be a few things
1.) Annovulatory Cycle
2.) Chemical Pregnancy
3.) Stress
Nothing they can do about any of it so I need to just keep waiting. If Monday comes and I'm still spotting with no flow, then I go in for some work-up. I'm also supposed to take a pregnancy test every other day until AF shows up even though both the nurse and I are certain I'm not pregnant.

I am really ready for this cycle to be done. I want to move on and start planning the next one. I;m not sure if I mentioned it here, but I have always said that I never want a Christmas baby. I just think its a horrible time of year to have a baby and that the kids then gets jipped when it comes to their birthday. Well guess what...if I start AF within the next few days, if I get pregnant next cycle, I will be due the week of Christmas!! I almost considered holding off next cycle...but we all know I'm way too inpatient.

I received my IUI catheters in the mail today. A good sign. A sign that I need to move on and focus and plan on the upcoming cycle. No use being angry with something I can't control and that is behind me.

So here's to the next cycle and a dratted Christmas baby :)