January 2013

January was a very busy month for our household. There were many changes, most of them good for all of us.

First, I officially took a full time position at work. I had actually put in my notice because I was needing to go full time, and being a floor nurse with 12h hours shifts wasn't going to cut it. When I told my boss of my plans, a position was created for me! I am mostly in administration/leadership now helping with scheduling, compliance, quality, payroll and finance. It keeps me busy and I do occasionally function as the unit charge nurse to keep me at the bedside.

Second, my time had come to move N out of my home. This was a perfect time since I was going full time and really couldn't provide the supervision she needed. After 7 years of her being in my home I was beyond ready to have her gone. Yes...I know that sounds horrible, but until you've been in my shoes, I don't want to hear your thoughts ;0) She moved out and in with my mom. This move alone has made many things so much easier on me,

Third, because I was now full time a nanny wasn't really cost efficient anymore, so the kids moved to a daycare setting. M started full time daycare. I was really worried but it has been such a GREAT thing for him. His speech has improved, he's learning so much and his social skills are coming along great. The twins are watched by a classmates mom in the afternoon. This has worked well since she does homework with all of them when they get home...which leaves me off the hook.

The twins started some after school activities. S wanted to play basketball and K wanted to cheer. The school offered both programs and they both really enjoyed themselves.

Sigh...

It's back to work for me tomorrow. I hate it. I can't believe 12 weeks has gone by. This sucks.

Times like this I am super bitter about not having my children in Canada where I would be getting 12 months of paid maternity leave to be with my little ones.

Can you tell I'm not super happy? Is it Friday yet?

34 Weeks

Well the complaints are still the same, so I will skip those.

Max is still a moving and a shaking. He is now at the size that I think I know what body parts are poking me where and he is a very active little boy. His knees sit right about at my belly button and I often have these weird bulges on my belly in that area. Yesterday people at work were laughing because you could just see the waves of movement across my belly. I can honestly say, this will be the one and only thing I will miss about being pregnant.

I got an unexpected gift today when work called at 5:45am and said I wasn't needed to I could take the day off - YAH! Since my babysitter was paid for, I slept in until 10am and then ran around taking care of some errands that I wanted to do this weekend. I was able to finish getting all three kids their holiday outfits (now all I need are matching pj's), a birthday card for a party tomorrow, the last two Hallmark Ornaments I wanted and even some dirt cheap Halloween costumes for the kids to play dress up in. All that and I was even able to get back home in time to let the sitter go 2 hours early and lay down for a nap with the twins. (yes, I napped even though I slept in until 10am)

This weekend we have a birthday party and a brunch to attend. Next week will be pure HELL as I have a million things scheduled to do. This was partially intentional to get everything done as early in the month as possible so that I could rest for the rest of November, but I'm now thinking I wasn't too bright to do it.

I will probably try to update Monday as I have a doc's appointment and a maternity shoot that day...but with also a full day of work and a twins mom meeting that night...I'm making no guarantees :)

30 Weeks

Yep...today I am 30 weeks pregnant. That means roughly 7-10 more weeks and I'll be holding my little guy in my arms.

Work is getting so hard. Each week is more difficult with feelings like I'm just not going to make it. Pregnant and fat just doesn't work with running up and down hallways and caring for every whim and desire for 5 to 6 sick people. As of right now, I am planning on working 7 more weeks, two of these being out of staffing working on the unit schedule. Keep me in your thoughts that I actually make it these next 7 weeks.

I am also starting to experience feelings of fear and worry. With the twins I was never nervous. I don't know why. I mean I knew how the birth process could be. Maybe they made me so darned miserable inside that I had no worries about how they were going to be leaving. This time I sometimes start to worry a little about this natural, vaginal birth I am asking for. Do I really know what I'm doing? Can I really do this? What happens when they pain is so bad I want to die, but it's too late for medications? You know...the usual stuff I imagine.

As far as after the babies birth, I really don't worry about adding the third to the mix. I figure the four of us will figure out how to navigate our new life. The twins will have a transition and there will be some challenges, but overall I believe will be okay. Although I will still be tired, I will love my new infant to pieces and take in every minute. But I do have one major worry here too....BREAST FEEDING! I was not successful at all with the twins. They didn't want to latch and I didn't have the patience to keep trying. About 10 days after their birth I gave up and went to pumping. I really want a good experience this time, with mostly breastfeeding (obviously bottle when I go back to work) for the first year at least. I did sign up for a breastfeeding class this go round, I have the number to a good lactation consultant and I am more determined to make it work this time. Hopefully these changes will make a difference this time.

So all in all I'm doing pretty normal. I do enjoy being pregnant more now, although I'm still ready to be done. Max is very active and keeps my belly moving for hours at a time. The twins are getting impatient and so is mommy. Hopefully not too long before we all get to meet this little guy.

I Hope This is A Good Sign!

So on my way to work this morning, I realized I forgot to take my Zofran!! (my nausea med) I have been on Zofran daily since about 5 weeks pregnant and have never forgotten a dose. I was really scared at how I would feel.

I went to work and actually felt okay. I did get a little queasy when I ate lunch, but never felt like I was going to vomit. I am pleasantly surprised. Maybe I am turning a corner :o) Now I'm too chicken to try this too often, but maybe on days I don't work, I can try and see if I can avoid the meds.

Also, after putting in all those extra hours at work on Monday at meetings, there was a surplus of nurses today at work, so I was sent home at 11:45am vs 3:30pm.

A Very Good Day!!

And tomorrow will be another shopping day...hopefully will be fun. I am also going to finally print up the photos from the twins last two photo sessions. I really need to start organizing my life because in about 4 months I don't think I'll have much time :)

Sometimes My Job Really Sucks!

Today I was witness to something I hope I never have to comprehend or personally understand.

I had a 25yo patient today. I had to sit next to the doctor while he explained to the patients mother that it was time to make him a No Code and focus on comfort. In this doctors opinion, this young man only has 2 to 3 weeks left before the cancer that invades his body, takes his life.

His mother was so incredibly strong. She barely shed a tear as the doctor went over the scans. The CT that showed huge melon sized tumors that had taken over his abdominal cavity. She just sat and nodded her head, acknowledging her understanding of the situation and her agreement of the doctors suggestions. She was basically working out the final details of her sons death and was able to handle it with such grace.

I later heard her talking to her two daughters about their brothers fate. They both did not handle the news well and leaned to their mother for strength. She selflessly said that although this patient was her son, that he was suffering, and she did not want to see that any more. The girls held onto her tight and then wiped the tears from their faces, composed themselves and went to see their brother.

This family is so strong. They are holding it together for their unfortunate brother who is succumbing, at such a young age, to testicular cancer. I hope they can continue to draw strength and love from each other once this young man has passed. I have a feeling that his mother, who is so incredibly poised right now, will be the hardest to fall.

Work Can Be So Frustrating!

I have already put in my three days this week, but signed up to help my unit today. We have been having low census so I was almost certain they wouldn't need me, and according to policy, then I would be called off.

Well, got to work this morning puzzled as to why I hadn't been called off, and found out that I had been re-assigned to another unit - WHAT!? I called the hospital supervisor and was basically told that there were other needs, so I was reassigned and there was nothing I could do...I was working my shift. Nice.

So, where do I get sent...the H1N1 quarantine unit - ha! Luckily there are 2 sides to the unit. The flu side and the regular patient side. I got the regular patients and actually found out while I was there that pregnant employees will not be caring for flu patients. Hey...at least that's one benefit to being pregnant right now...right?

Welcome Early Morning Call

This morning I got a phone call from work at 5:30am. It turns out they didn't need me and I got to stay home :). Since Q was already scheduled for the day, I took advantage of her being here and stayed in bed until 12:30pm!! It's been a long time since I have been able to do that.

OPK's Suck and Other Musings

I am so tired of peeing on sticks and waiting for lines to show up! It's CD14 which should mean a surge any time. My cervix and CM appear to be pointing to signs of fertility but those damn OPK's are still negative. Temps are still down and I haven't felt any true ovulation pain yet. I know I need to be patient but it's very hard. I just keep worrying that I will miss my window.

I thought this go round I would be less stressed since I already have the twins, but truth be told I think its more stressful. I think it's mostly due to limited vials and my need to have all the children by the same donor. I really hope I get a surge soon and I can inseminate.

I had my meeting at work today and my job is fine. No changes...at least not in position. Now my sitter has her meeting tomorrow. All signs point to her keeping her same job and position too, but until I hear it from her mouth, and know that my nanny is still mine...I will be a little worried.

Well...here's to a nice clear surge tomorrow and my nanny keeping her position. That would truly make a good Friday.

I Think it Will be Okay

We had the first meeting today at work and I think everything will be fine. I will know for sure tomorrow, but I am pretty confident that I can rest without worrying. Right now work is 'restructuring' all their positions and I was really freaked out that I might loose my part time 8 hour shifts, or even worse my position completely. Also, my babysitter, who also works with me at the hospital (but on weekends) appears to be safe with her position too.

I hope by the end of Friday I am still as relieved.

More To Come...

Right now I believe work is going to screw me over big time. I have been in a very crappy mood and my stomach has been in knots. I won't say more...because I'm just going to get upset about it. I will find out this week and share the results with you.

My Heart Just Can't Take It...

Remember that patient with end stage liver failure from drinking, well I had her again yesterday. She was in much better spirits and doing better. Her three year old daughter was coming to visit and my patient was just giddy with excitement. She wanted her bath early and made sure we got her dressed and in her chair. You could see her beaming with pride and she could barely contain herself.

I happened to be in the room when her daughter got there. This toddler shrieked with joy and ran to her mother. She was touching and rubbing all over her saying "mommy, mommy" over and over again. She took her face and started rubbing it against her mommy's arm. It was the most amazing display of love that this little girl had for her mommy. As I walked out of the room I could feel myself well up.

As touching and amazing as this scene was, it tears me up knowing this woman is dying and this three year old will not have her mom for very long. This is one of the things I hate about my job.

Not Much to Say...

I am done working for a few days. I am exhausted. I can't wait to sleep in tomorrow - well until 7:30. Even though I am off, I have a meeting at work for a few hours and then a meeting of the twin group. So, I don't have a totally free day, but at least not busy.

So how is this for a pointless entry :D

Why Are People So Self Destructive?

Today at work I cared for a 33 year old woman who had end stage cirrhosis. She is an alcoholic and killed her liver. She can barely feed herself, she is confused, her eyes are bright yellow and she wears a diaper because she is incontinent. Sadly she has two children including a toddler. They will be calling in palliative care to help her and the family during her period of death. The whole time I'm in the room I just think about how pitiful the situation is. She has chosen to drink herself to death - and yes I know addiction is a disease and it's a hard one to overcome - I'm not trying to deny that. Heck, I use food as my outlet and if I don't get that under control in several years when I have my first heart attack or have some great diabetic complications, I will be just as responsible.

On other news, this great hurricane Hanna 'hit' last night. It rained until about 10 am this morning and stopped. The sun came out, the clouds went away and the skies turned blue. No flooding, no heavy rains, no wind. In fact, if I didn't know it was a hurricane, I would have just assumed it was a rainy day. I hope we are as lucky with Ike.

And the final note for the day....I am getting sick. I just know it. K has had a cough for a few days. Now I am getting a tickle in my throat and my left ear is really hurting. CRAP! I hate getting sick when I have so much to do!

Nothing Very Important to Say...

Went back to work today after 5 days off. It sucked. I was so tired after only sleeping about 3 hours. I should go to bed early tonight, but I'm sure I won't. I have to work tomorrow and the weekend too. ARGH. For the most part I like my job and then there are other times I don't want to work at all. This is one of those times.

Hurricanes Hanna and Ike are threatening the coast and there is talk about severe weather here. We got dumped on by Fay and we still haven't dried out. I am a little concerned about flooding especially since it got so bad so recently. And then of course 2 hurricanes back to back isn't good either. My life can't take a direct financial hit so I just hope that whatever happens, any long term or expensive damage does not occur. I will already be out $500 when I finally get the gravel dumped here to repair the driveway. I think I will wait until the end of hurricane season to do that.

Rain, Floods and Tornados

That pretty much sums up today. It started raining yesterday and still hasn't stopped. And this isn't the cute, droplet rain. This rain has been coming down hard for over a day. Everything around here is wet or worse, flooded. Half of my driveway was washed away. I just finished shovelling gravel from one end of my driveway to the missing middle part. The best part is, my driveway is about 500ft long. There have been reports of several tornadoes touching down but luckily no major damage or injuries. I'm not sure that will be said about the driving though. People are idiots and can't drive in any sort of weather. I think on my way to work I saw/heard about 15+ accidents.

On the trip from the parking lot to the hospital I got soaked from the knees down - even with an umbrella. My tennis shoes were soaked right through. Oddly enough, by the time I was ready to come home, my shoes were dry but my sock were not? Luckily the hospital has socks for patients so I went home in some snazzy green socks with rubber treads :)

Work was okay. A long day of scheduling and dealing with whiny people. If one more person comes to me asking for a day off I will strangle them. Really, I will.

A long boring BLECH day

It has nothing but rain here today. From the moment I woke up to right now as I type it has rained. Days like this are only good for staying in your PJ's and lounging around the house all day....which is exactly what I did :D I did make it out to the post office today, and don't tell anyone, but I went in my PJ's.

The kids have been in a pretty good mood today considering they haven't been able to run around and pay like they are used to. They have been ultra competative lately which is driving me bonkers, but I'm sure that will pass soon and they will develop an equally as obnoxious behaviour.

I worked a lot today on my unit schedule - something I do every 6 weeks. I usually do it for many days but because of all my company I have been unable to get to it. I worked on it for about 4 hours today and I will keep working on it until Friday, but physically at work versus here at home. After 4 days at home I both am looking forward to getting out of the house, but also dreading being up at 6am.