I reached my breaking point yesterday. Wow. For a few weeks this anxiety has been drilling away. Weighing down my shoulders, causing heaviness in my chest and causing moments of panic throughout the day. A few times I felt like I was about to cry...but even after giving myself 'permission' not a tear would come. There were days where I felt like if I could just cry, I would feel so much better.
Well, yesterday the tears finally came. OMG did they ever come. Big, messy, sobbing, hyperventilating, snotty, puffy eyes, and burning cheeks kind of cry. It was about so many things.
This new adventure I am trying...
The school work that is currently kicking my ass...
The job which has a weird vibe right now...
The knowledge that my best friend is no longer visiting this summer...
And being away from my children for far too long...
I'm sure there were other things too, but these were my predominate thoughts during my breakdown. I actually got to a point where I didn't want to be alone - which right now I am since there are no children in the house. And, of course my list of friends who I can rely on has severely diminished recently - another cause for the breakdown. Luckily one friend, who was busy and couldn't physically be with me, was able to talk with me for awhile and I was able to calm down and even laughed some near the end of the conversation.
Today, while I am still weighed down, I do feel better. I do think that cry was very therapeutic and I released a lot of the pent up frustration. Of course all those listed stressors haven't gone anywhere so the stress is still there. I will continue to work through them, but maybe now that I've had that great big cry, I won't feel so overwhelmed.
Here's to managing a little better and not feeling the weight of the world on my shoulders!!
Showing posts with label Random Thoughts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Random Thoughts. Show all posts
Saturday, July 6, 2013
Thursday, June 27, 2013
Anxiety Sucks
I live with anxiety every day. Most days I can control it and go on. The last week or so I feel like it has taken over. I know that this is a direct result of some of the changes in my life that i am trying to implement, but know that doesn't really make it easier.
I wake up every day trying to tell myself that I will not let this anxiety dictate how I will go through the day. It will not make decisions for me. It will not keep me from doing the things I need to do.
So far, I've done pretty good ignoring it and moving forward. I hope that I can keep this up. Some of the changes coming are things that I really want. I guess I'm just terrified of what to do with them when I have them ;0)
Here's to my continued strength.
I wake up every day trying to tell myself that I will not let this anxiety dictate how I will go through the day. It will not make decisions for me. It will not keep me from doing the things I need to do.
So far, I've done pretty good ignoring it and moving forward. I hope that I can keep this up. Some of the changes coming are things that I really want. I guess I'm just terrified of what to do with them when I have them ;0)
Here's to my continued strength.
Monday, March 12, 2012
Need to Share Something Nice
Last week after my fighting with my insurance company over M's emergency room visit I was quite emotional and rundown. At work the next day, some coworkers noticed it and asked me if something was wrong during our morning meeting. I took the opportunity to share my struggle because they needed to know that there was this clause in our insurance coverage. I warned my co-workers that if they used the ED they were subject to the copay doubling.
Well later in the day I was back eating lunch and found an envelop in my work bag addressed to 'Max's Mommy'. In it was $150 cash to cover the additional copay. It was all computer typed and there was no way to figure out who left it. I confronted a few people who I thought might have been responsible and they are adamantly denied it, and I believed them. So there is some sweet person that I work with who gave me this special gift. It really did lift my spirits.
Today I found out that my appeal was granted so they will remove my additional co-pay. In addition to the long letter, my boss fought for me. She is really sweet and protective that way. Anyway she called today and said it would be removed. Now I am trying to figure out what to do with the $150 my work angel left me. I need to do something meaningful with it since it was given in the spirit to help me. S really wants to attend a week long Dinosaur camp in June which costs $155 so I may use it for that.
There are some nice people out there :0)
Well later in the day I was back eating lunch and found an envelop in my work bag addressed to 'Max's Mommy'. In it was $150 cash to cover the additional copay. It was all computer typed and there was no way to figure out who left it. I confronted a few people who I thought might have been responsible and they are adamantly denied it, and I believed them. So there is some sweet person that I work with who gave me this special gift. It really did lift my spirits.
Today I found out that my appeal was granted so they will remove my additional co-pay. In addition to the long letter, my boss fought for me. She is really sweet and protective that way. Anyway she called today and said it would be removed. Now I am trying to figure out what to do with the $150 my work angel left me. I need to do something meaningful with it since it was given in the spirit to help me. S really wants to attend a week long Dinosaur camp in June which costs $155 so I may use it for that.
There are some nice people out there :0)
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
Trying Hard to be Better
I am trying to re-organize my life. I feel like I spend so much time wasting time and nothing of meaning gets accomplished.
When the twins were little we did weekly play dates. Went to special places on the weekend. Enrolled in about 2 years of gymnastics. We traveled to Canada twice and Florida three times. We were routined and it didn't seem overwhelming to get everything done. I don't feel that way.
I used to say it was the addition of the third child that changed the dynamics. But thats crap. Right now the kids are in school all day and I still do nothing. I am tired all the time. I spend too much catching up on things. I need to change some things.
1.) I am looking into getting the kids - all three of them - into some sort of activity. Swimming, gymnastics, whatever. Get them out of the house doing something. The only limitation here is money, but I will try hard to make something work.
2.) I have started a weekly play date here at the house. I need M to be able to play and relate to kids his age. I did this all the time with the twins and I have been so slack this time. Our first event today went well. I will have it here at the house for a few weeks and then once the weather gets better, we will meet at the park.
3.) I need to sleep better. Go to bed earlier and try not to nap my life away. There are mornings when after we drop the kids at school we come back home and go back to bed. M and I can sleep until 11 or 12p. It's ridiculous. But I guess since we both go to bed at like 1am...it makes more sense. M and I both need to get a better sleep schedule.
4.) I NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT. I'm sure a lot of my fatigue and crappy sleep come from being so overweight. I need to somehow get control of this. I have to figure out a way. Not just for sleep but my health overall. I NEED TO REGAIN CONTROL!!!
5.) Routine. I need to get into some routine. Wake at this time...Get XYZ done....Do this...just something that makes me follow more of a schedule instead of doing things when I feel like it, or get the energy. Doing things this way means a lot of stuff is never gotten to.
6.) I may need to look into another form of work. The 12h shifts are killing me. I spend the weekend physically recovering from them. I know losing weight might help with this, but I really do think with my MS that 12h is too hard on my body. (as a reference I was only working 8h shifts before M was born).
7.) Continue to work of money. I am doing okay here. It's hard when things like insurance companies continue to screw me, but I am trying.
In one month I will try to revisit these topics and see how I've done. Hopefully I will have made progress on at least half of them.
When the twins were little we did weekly play dates. Went to special places on the weekend. Enrolled in about 2 years of gymnastics. We traveled to Canada twice and Florida three times. We were routined and it didn't seem overwhelming to get everything done. I don't feel that way.
I used to say it was the addition of the third child that changed the dynamics. But thats crap. Right now the kids are in school all day and I still do nothing. I am tired all the time. I spend too much catching up on things. I need to change some things.
1.) I am looking into getting the kids - all three of them - into some sort of activity. Swimming, gymnastics, whatever. Get them out of the house doing something. The only limitation here is money, but I will try hard to make something work.
2.) I have started a weekly play date here at the house. I need M to be able to play and relate to kids his age. I did this all the time with the twins and I have been so slack this time. Our first event today went well. I will have it here at the house for a few weeks and then once the weather gets better, we will meet at the park.
3.) I need to sleep better. Go to bed earlier and try not to nap my life away. There are mornings when after we drop the kids at school we come back home and go back to bed. M and I can sleep until 11 or 12p. It's ridiculous. But I guess since we both go to bed at like 1am...it makes more sense. M and I both need to get a better sleep schedule.
4.) I NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT. I'm sure a lot of my fatigue and crappy sleep come from being so overweight. I need to somehow get control of this. I have to figure out a way. Not just for sleep but my health overall. I NEED TO REGAIN CONTROL!!!
5.) Routine. I need to get into some routine. Wake at this time...Get XYZ done....Do this...just something that makes me follow more of a schedule instead of doing things when I feel like it, or get the energy. Doing things this way means a lot of stuff is never gotten to.
6.) I may need to look into another form of work. The 12h shifts are killing me. I spend the weekend physically recovering from them. I know losing weight might help with this, but I really do think with my MS that 12h is too hard on my body. (as a reference I was only working 8h shifts before M was born).
7.) Continue to work of money. I am doing okay here. It's hard when things like insurance companies continue to screw me, but I am trying.
In one month I will try to revisit these topics and see how I've done. Hopefully I will have made progress on at least half of them.
Making Friends
In the past I have made several posts about my frustrations with friends...or the lack thereof. I am trying to live outside my comfort zone and I have been trying to cultivate the potential relationships I have.
I am making some progress with one friend, L. I met her at the school stop where we pick up our kids in the afternoon. She lives a mile or so away and her son is in the same class as the twins. S likes hanging around him (he was the boy we went to the dinosaur exhibit with) and at one time K was going to marry him; although now I think the relationship is just platonic ;0) As luck would have it, she also has a son a few months younger than M.
Initially we just spoke at the stop, but as the kids relationship has grown, we have spent time together as the kids play after school and on weekends. Her personality jives with mine - the same dark, sarcastic humor and we seem to have similar ideas/beliefs/etc.
Sadly, as I mentioned in the previous post, her father dies very suddenly last Monday. This is a huge loss to her as her family lived in the same home as her parents. He was a huge presence in their life. She is doing pretty well and I have tried to be there for her. I have helped with her son, T, a few times and checked in on her every day or so.
I hope this friendship continues to grow. It would be great since our kids are all the same age and we live so close to eachother. It might also make me a little happier in life :0)
I am making some progress with one friend, L. I met her at the school stop where we pick up our kids in the afternoon. She lives a mile or so away and her son is in the same class as the twins. S likes hanging around him (he was the boy we went to the dinosaur exhibit with) and at one time K was going to marry him; although now I think the relationship is just platonic ;0) As luck would have it, she also has a son a few months younger than M.
Initially we just spoke at the stop, but as the kids relationship has grown, we have spent time together as the kids play after school and on weekends. Her personality jives with mine - the same dark, sarcastic humor and we seem to have similar ideas/beliefs/etc.
Sadly, as I mentioned in the previous post, her father dies very suddenly last Monday. This is a huge loss to her as her family lived in the same home as her parents. He was a huge presence in their life. She is doing pretty well and I have tried to be there for her. I have helped with her son, T, a few times and checked in on her every day or so.
I hope this friendship continues to grow. It would be great since our kids are all the same age and we live so close to eachother. It might also make me a little happier in life :0)
Sunday, March 4, 2012
So Much Going On
Sorry I have been absent. I have had so much to say, but then when I sit to write it, I get overwhelmed and just give up. The last week alone has been very trying. I will give a quick run down.
1. Sunday night while finishing up what seems like my millionth load of laundry, the washer stops working. Not a great feeling. I have actually had a sense of doom about the house for a little while now because after my 12 month marathon of monthly house repairs, it had been rather quiet. Luckily someone came out and found that it was just a simple switch. Repair and all only cost $60. Score one for me.
2. Another Sunday night defeat. Max laid down to take a nap about 5p on the couch. All was well. When he woke around 8p he was covered, once again with MRSA sores. I just wanted to cry. We are all still on special soaps and I did everything I could. First thing Monday morning he was seen by his doc. I expressed how frustrated I was and the doctor really didn't have any further advice for me other than this can be typical, and I was doing everything right. He is now on 2 weeks of high dose antibiotics followed by 4 weeks of low dose. He is also on the nasal treatment and will continue with surgical soap. Since we caught it early there wasn't a lot of drama with fevers or draining this time...so that was great!
3. A few weeks ago, a close acquaintance had premature triplets. 2 boys and a girl were born at 29 weeks but doing rather well. Monday morning I found out that the girl had developed a sudden infection and died Sunday night. News like this always sends me into a depression. I felt like sh!t all day. Boys are doing well and I hope they continue on that path.
4. Monday night while talking to someone who I am starting to develop a good friendship with - will probably post about that at a later time - she mentioned that her dad was being taken to the hospital for shortness of breath. Her dad is somewhat of a celebrity around here and he was speaking at an event. We stopped talking at about 9:40p so that she could meet her dad. At 10:30p I signed onto FB only to see on my news feed people posting about his death. I was in SHOCK. This man was an amazing guy. The twins also knew him well because they are best friends with his grandson, and he volunteered in their classroom several days a week. I saw him the morning he died walking his grandson in.
The news has been in the media all week. I was able to attend the visitation which I was grateful for and then even able to watch the funeral service streaming online. The more I learned about him the sadder I felt. Not only did this community lose a great man, but I felt guilt for not getting to know him better while he was here. Its been a tough week with the emotions but also talking to the twins who have had lots of questions.
So today is Sunday...one week exactly from when the chaos started. I'm hoping for a quiet week. I will try to post more as I have some plans for change in place. I am just hoping I succed in them.
1. Sunday night while finishing up what seems like my millionth load of laundry, the washer stops working. Not a great feeling. I have actually had a sense of doom about the house for a little while now because after my 12 month marathon of monthly house repairs, it had been rather quiet. Luckily someone came out and found that it was just a simple switch. Repair and all only cost $60. Score one for me.
2. Another Sunday night defeat. Max laid down to take a nap about 5p on the couch. All was well. When he woke around 8p he was covered, once again with MRSA sores. I just wanted to cry. We are all still on special soaps and I did everything I could. First thing Monday morning he was seen by his doc. I expressed how frustrated I was and the doctor really didn't have any further advice for me other than this can be typical, and I was doing everything right. He is now on 2 weeks of high dose antibiotics followed by 4 weeks of low dose. He is also on the nasal treatment and will continue with surgical soap. Since we caught it early there wasn't a lot of drama with fevers or draining this time...so that was great!
3. A few weeks ago, a close acquaintance had premature triplets. 2 boys and a girl were born at 29 weeks but doing rather well. Monday morning I found out that the girl had developed a sudden infection and died Sunday night. News like this always sends me into a depression. I felt like sh!t all day. Boys are doing well and I hope they continue on that path.
4. Monday night while talking to someone who I am starting to develop a good friendship with - will probably post about that at a later time - she mentioned that her dad was being taken to the hospital for shortness of breath. Her dad is somewhat of a celebrity around here and he was speaking at an event. We stopped talking at about 9:40p so that she could meet her dad. At 10:30p I signed onto FB only to see on my news feed people posting about his death. I was in SHOCK. This man was an amazing guy. The twins also knew him well because they are best friends with his grandson, and he volunteered in their classroom several days a week. I saw him the morning he died walking his grandson in.
The news has been in the media all week. I was able to attend the visitation which I was grateful for and then even able to watch the funeral service streaming online. The more I learned about him the sadder I felt. Not only did this community lose a great man, but I felt guilt for not getting to know him better while he was here. Its been a tough week with the emotions but also talking to the twins who have had lots of questions.
So today is Sunday...one week exactly from when the chaos started. I'm hoping for a quiet week. I will try to post more as I have some plans for change in place. I am just hoping I succed in them.
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Random Update
M is on the mend. We are now done all our antibiotics and M is feeling better. His skin is all clear - except for the scars left behind. Please hope with me that this infection stays away. We do not want it back.
In just a few days the twins will be six!? WHAT!? Yep...six. I don't know how it happened, but it did. It's been a great six years. My only hope is the next six don't pass nearly as fast.
Work is going well. Same old, same old. Scentsy is coming along too. Just closed a Basket Party and I have a Home Party scheduled for February. I am trying to make some positive changes to my Scentsy 'business' that will hopefully bring in more customers, or at least increase orders. I would love to be able to put new carpet in another room and any extra cash would be great.
Tax refund money is here and I am doing my best to pay off some things, get some much needed things, and stock up on things that I can. Hopefully I'll make some good decisions.
So...how about this boring, lame a$$ post. Just thought I would check in to let you know I'm still here :0)
In just a few days the twins will be six!? WHAT!? Yep...six. I don't know how it happened, but it did. It's been a great six years. My only hope is the next six don't pass nearly as fast.
Work is going well. Same old, same old. Scentsy is coming along too. Just closed a Basket Party and I have a Home Party scheduled for February. I am trying to make some positive changes to my Scentsy 'business' that will hopefully bring in more customers, or at least increase orders. I would love to be able to put new carpet in another room and any extra cash would be great.
Tax refund money is here and I am doing my best to pay off some things, get some much needed things, and stock up on things that I can. Hopefully I'll make some good decisions.
So...how about this boring, lame a$$ post. Just thought I would check in to let you know I'm still here :0)
Monday, January 23, 2012
Well That Stinks!
I just completed and submitted my tax return for last year. The last two years I have received roughly the same refund, so I made a rough plan of my debt payoffs with this amount in mind. Unfortunately, when all was done, I was looking at over $1000 less!
It seems as though in the last year I made a bit more money. This was a surprise to me as I didn't notice any extra money in my monthly budget, but it had to have been there. My exemptions and deductions were the same, but this little bump in income, took me to the next tax bracket - I guess - which resulted in the decreased refund.
BOOOOO
Okay, I will get over my self pity and move on. I am getting money back and that's more than a lot can say. Now onto paying off some debt and making a budget plan for the year that allows me to keep paying of debt!!
It seems as though in the last year I made a bit more money. This was a surprise to me as I didn't notice any extra money in my monthly budget, but it had to have been there. My exemptions and deductions were the same, but this little bump in income, took me to the next tax bracket - I guess - which resulted in the decreased refund.
BOOOOO
Okay, I will get over my self pity and move on. I am getting money back and that's more than a lot can say. Now onto paying off some debt and making a budget plan for the year that allows me to keep paying of debt!!
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
One Goal
One of my goals this year is for M to transition to sleeping without me. We have pretty much co-slept since day one and for the most part it worked wonderfully. Breastfeeding and a bedtime ritual was so much easier with him next to me but now that M is weaned - he stopped nursing around 22 months - I long for the days where not only do I get to sleep by myself, but nights were I have a few hours without a child clung to my body.
You see, M does not only like to sleep by my during the night, but it is virtually impossible for him to go down for the night unless my body is right next to his. This has caused a few problems.
One, I don't go to bed until around midnight. This means that this little ball of energy is also usually up until midnight. He stays strong, rarely falling asleep before I hit the sack. He can even be sitting in a dark room watching TV and stay awake just fine until I get there. Now, there is the huge payoff. He will sleep until 11-12 the next day. So, he gets his required 12h of sleep, just not when normal people do.
Two, because he is up when I am up, I don't get a break. I loved when the twins were little. I put them to bed at 7:30-8p and I had 2 or 3 hours of me time. No one to bug me. I could watch tv, play on the computer or post to my blog (M being awake all the time has also probably effected my posting numbers). I haven't had me time in a long time.
In an effort to get M on a better schedule I have put him down to bed at the same time as the twins - 8p, last night and tonight. Because I am trying to get the boys in the same room, and have been for a few months, I actually sleep in the same room as the kids. Now, I will also include at this time that K also sleeps in this room. This fall I redecorated the nursery into a beautiful new room for a little girl. It turned out great...but the child won't sleep in it. She wants to be with everyone else. So that makes three bedrooms upstairs with everyone sleeping in one room. Crazy huh?
Okay, back to M. So last night and tonight he has gone down at 8-ish. To my surprise he has gone to sleep right away. No fighting it. It has been great. Although...very deceptive. You see, M has now decided that his nap time is now from 8p to 11p. This means that now I have an even more active toddler up at midnight and still next to me for the remainder of the night.
I will keep trying. I know he will eventually get it. I probably need to control the time he wakes up a bit more too. For that I need to get into gear...because sadly after getting us all up and the twins to school, both M and I like to sleep until 11 or 12p. I know...horrible.
In the end, I guess this sleep training is for both of us. If I want to continue my mornings in bed than I guess I need to accept a night owl for a child.
Right now, I am off to do some work online. M...well he's now up after his refreshing nap and enjoying some great cartoons.
You see, M does not only like to sleep by my during the night, but it is virtually impossible for him to go down for the night unless my body is right next to his. This has caused a few problems.
One, I don't go to bed until around midnight. This means that this little ball of energy is also usually up until midnight. He stays strong, rarely falling asleep before I hit the sack. He can even be sitting in a dark room watching TV and stay awake just fine until I get there. Now, there is the huge payoff. He will sleep until 11-12 the next day. So, he gets his required 12h of sleep, just not when normal people do.
Two, because he is up when I am up, I don't get a break. I loved when the twins were little. I put them to bed at 7:30-8p and I had 2 or 3 hours of me time. No one to bug me. I could watch tv, play on the computer or post to my blog (M being awake all the time has also probably effected my posting numbers). I haven't had me time in a long time.
In an effort to get M on a better schedule I have put him down to bed at the same time as the twins - 8p, last night and tonight. Because I am trying to get the boys in the same room, and have been for a few months, I actually sleep in the same room as the kids. Now, I will also include at this time that K also sleeps in this room. This fall I redecorated the nursery into a beautiful new room for a little girl. It turned out great...but the child won't sleep in it. She wants to be with everyone else. So that makes three bedrooms upstairs with everyone sleeping in one room. Crazy huh?
Okay, back to M. So last night and tonight he has gone down at 8-ish. To my surprise he has gone to sleep right away. No fighting it. It has been great. Although...very deceptive. You see, M has now decided that his nap time is now from 8p to 11p. This means that now I have an even more active toddler up at midnight and still next to me for the remainder of the night.
I will keep trying. I know he will eventually get it. I probably need to control the time he wakes up a bit more too. For that I need to get into gear...because sadly after getting us all up and the twins to school, both M and I like to sleep until 11 or 12p. I know...horrible.
In the end, I guess this sleep training is for both of us. If I want to continue my mornings in bed than I guess I need to accept a night owl for a child.
Right now, I am off to do some work online. M...well he's now up after his refreshing nap and enjoying some great cartoons.
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
A New Year
So it's a new year. I could do this long, detailed post about how much I am going to change; all the great things I will accomplish; how I will emerge as a better, happier person by the end of 2012. But let's face it. It would all be bullshit. It would all likely fall apart within a few weeks...maybe even days. I do have several things I need to work on this year. They are similar goals from the past, but I hope to do better with them this time. Not because it's a new year, or because I am doing some grand makeover of myself, but because I am tired of some aspects of my life, and the only one who can change that is me.
As far as this blog goes, I will say this. I hope to be here more. I hope to post more. When I started this blog, I posted nearly every day. I shared thoughts, ideas, pictures, successes and failures. As time past, I started to wonder....does anyone care that I brought the children to the museum today?...does anyone care that I want to do 'xyx'?...are people tired that I am once again bitching about something, complaining about someone, or venting my world beliefs about some random subject?
Well...here's the thing. The answer to all the above may be 'no', but when I made this blog, it was to be a safe place for me to share. Whether that has a happy, sad, pissed off, angry, judgmental or any other type post this was where I was going to share it with the world. I have realized in the last few days that I miss this place. I don't have a spouse, boyfriend or other adult constant in my life that I can vent to. I don't have a partner to smile and laugh at all the crazy things my kids do. So here I am. Here is where I will come when I need to 'talk'. It doesn't matter who is out there to listen or care, but this is the place for me to get it all out, let go, release it from me so that I don't keep it quiet anymore.
That is all for tonight. I hope to be back tomorrow :0)
As far as this blog goes, I will say this. I hope to be here more. I hope to post more. When I started this blog, I posted nearly every day. I shared thoughts, ideas, pictures, successes and failures. As time past, I started to wonder....does anyone care that I brought the children to the museum today?...does anyone care that I want to do 'xyx'?...are people tired that I am once again bitching about something, complaining about someone, or venting my world beliefs about some random subject?
Well...here's the thing. The answer to all the above may be 'no', but when I made this blog, it was to be a safe place for me to share. Whether that has a happy, sad, pissed off, angry, judgmental or any other type post this was where I was going to share it with the world. I have realized in the last few days that I miss this place. I don't have a spouse, boyfriend or other adult constant in my life that I can vent to. I don't have a partner to smile and laugh at all the crazy things my kids do. So here I am. Here is where I will come when I need to 'talk'. It doesn't matter who is out there to listen or care, but this is the place for me to get it all out, let go, release it from me so that I don't keep it quiet anymore.
That is all for tonight. I hope to be back tomorrow :0)
Monday, November 28, 2011
I Found My Parenting Achilles Heel
Reading...or I should say, learning to read. It stresses me out. I don't know how to deal with it. It sounds stupid to say that, but seriously, I can't do it.
I hate that I respond the way I do. I try to go into it differently. I try to remind myself of how hard this is, but in the end, often the twins and I are left in tears.
I think part of it is I never had to 'learn' to read. By three I was reading books and I was never taught. My moms said it was like I just figured it out on my own. And so when we go over reading words over and over and then 10 minutes later they have forgotten everything we did, I stress.
I need to figure out how to deal though. I do not want my kids to stress about reading or dread it because of how it all goes down. Tonight I had my sister do the reading with them and it went much better. I may need to look into paying someone else to do it though, when my sister isn't here. That will be another great financial stress...sigh.
So, I feel horrible. I feel like I am failing my kids. I need to get a handle on this though...or sacrifice some bill to pay for the private tutor.
I hate that I respond the way I do. I try to go into it differently. I try to remind myself of how hard this is, but in the end, often the twins and I are left in tears.
I think part of it is I never had to 'learn' to read. By three I was reading books and I was never taught. My moms said it was like I just figured it out on my own. And so when we go over reading words over and over and then 10 minutes later they have forgotten everything we did, I stress.
I need to figure out how to deal though. I do not want my kids to stress about reading or dread it because of how it all goes down. Tonight I had my sister do the reading with them and it went much better. I may need to look into paying someone else to do it though, when my sister isn't here. That will be another great financial stress...sigh.
So, I feel horrible. I feel like I am failing my kids. I need to get a handle on this though...or sacrifice some bill to pay for the private tutor.
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Baby Steps
I am slowly working at getting my financial life into order. It will be at least another year before I think I will be able to say that I am where I want to be, but I am taking the steps now that will get me there.
This week I turned in all my stuff to finalize my refinancing. I should be able to reduce my payments by almost $400! In addition to that, I am shopping around for new home owners insurance which should result in slightly more savings. My car should be paid off by the end of the year. That's an additional $300 a month. So I am super excited that next year I will have an additional $700 a month to pay down my other debt.
Who knows. If I can get my weight loss going, by this time next year maybe I will be ready to TTC again!
This week I turned in all my stuff to finalize my refinancing. I should be able to reduce my payments by almost $400! In addition to that, I am shopping around for new home owners insurance which should result in slightly more savings. My car should be paid off by the end of the year. That's an additional $300 a month. So I am super excited that next year I will have an additional $700 a month to pay down my other debt.
Who knows. If I can get my weight loss going, by this time next year maybe I will be ready to TTC again!
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
A New Baby is on the Way!!
Not me...I wish!
Our little donor family is growing. One of our families is expecting another baby in April. I've know for a few weeks but she finally had an US today and it showed a healthy little bean.
This will be baby #13 for us. We have 8 families with a current total of 12 children. There are 6 boys and 6 girls. So far I am the only one with twins. Me and another mom each have three a piece. This new baby will be baby number three for this family, but the second with our donor.
I am excited! There is another family who is TTC baby #14. Maybe I will sneak in baby #15 at some point :)
Our little donor family is growing. One of our families is expecting another baby in April. I've know for a few weeks but she finally had an US today and it showed a healthy little bean.
This will be baby #13 for us. We have 8 families with a current total of 12 children. There are 6 boys and 6 girls. So far I am the only one with twins. Me and another mom each have three a piece. This new baby will be baby number three for this family, but the second with our donor.
I am excited! There is another family who is TTC baby #14. Maybe I will sneak in baby #15 at some point :)
Friday, September 9, 2011
Baby Stats
I stole this from another blog. I thought it was cute :0)
1.Age? 5
2. Name? S-amuel K-eegan
3. Birthday? Feb 14th 2006
4. Time of birth? 1:01p
5. How long did labor last? Scheduled Section
6. Who was in the room when baby was born? Doctors & Mom
7. How long did you push? No pushing!
8. Weight? 6lbs 8oz
9. Length? 19"
10. Any hair? Dark Brown/Black Hair
11. Who does baby look like? My guess would be me
12. Be honest…how much weight did you gain during pregnancy? Lost 60 pounds
13. Was baby early or late? Born at 36w4d
14. Who drove you home from hospital? I drove myself home
15. How many baby showers did you have? two
16. When did baby start sleeping through the night? Um...4yo maybe?
17. Did you breastfeed? Wouldn't latch :( I pumped for 3 months
18. If not, what kind of formula? Enfamil
19. Who keeps your baby the most? Mom at first, but Nanny Q
20. When do you wanna have another? I liked the idea of another right away but didn't seriously consider it until around 2yo.
21. How did you pick the name? Always loved the name. Middle is after a child I loved who died from SIDS.
22. How did you know when it was time to go to hospital? I was admitted a week before the birth due to illness.
23. What was your pain management? Spinal
24. Did you go home or somewhere else when you left the hospital? Home
25. Anyone spend the night with you first night home? Mom, Me, twins
1.Age? 5
2. Name? K-aidyn A-shlyn
3. Birthday? Feb 14th 2006
4. Time of birth? 1:03p
5. How long did labor last? Scheduled Section
6. Who was in the room when baby was born? Doctors & Mom
7. How long did you push? No pushing!
8. Weight? 5lbs 8oz
9. Length? 18"
10. Any hair? Barely any hair - reddish blond
11. Who does baby look like? Who knows!
12. Be honest…how much weight did you gain during pregnancy? Lost 60 pounds
13. Was baby early or late? Born at 36w4d
14. Who drove you home from hospital? I drove myself home
15. How many baby showers did you have? two
16. When did baby start sleeping through the night? Um...4yo maybe?
17. Did you breastfeed? Wouldn't latch :( I pumped for 3 months
18. If not, what kind of formula? Enfamil
19. Who keeps your baby the most? Mom at first, but Nanny Q
20. When do you wanna have another? I liked the idea of another right away but didn't seriously consider it until around 2yo.
21. How did you pick the name? Just loved the names
22. How did you know when it was time to go to hospital? I was admitted a week before the birth due to illness.
23. What was your pain management? Spinal
24. Did you go home or somewhere else when you left the hospital? Home
25. Anyone spend the night with you first night home? Mom, Me, twins
1. Age? 1
2. Name? M-ax G-rayson
3. Birthday? December 10th 2009
4. Time of birth? 3:14a
5. How long did labor last? 9 hours
6. Who was in the room when baby was born? Doctors & Mom
7. How long did you push? About 5 minutes
8. Weight? 8 pounds
9. Length? 20.25"
10. Any hair? Dark Brown/Black Hair
11. Who does baby look like? Me
12. Be honest…how much weight did you gain during pregnancy? About 30pounds
13. Was baby early or late? Born at 38w6d
14. Who drove you home from hospital? Dad
15. How many baby showers did you have? two
16. When did baby start sleeping through the night? He sleeps through the night if I am with him. Started around 18 months.
17. Did you breastfeed? Still breastfeeding
18. If not, what kind of formula? None
19. Who keeps your baby the most? Nanny Q
20. When do you wanna have another? I wanted another one right away. Still do :0(
21. How did you pick the name? This name would have been K's name if she was a boy
22. How did you know when it was time to go to hospital? I was told to go for an induction.
23. What was your pain management? Staydol.
24. Did you go home or somewhere else when you left the hospital? Home
25. Anyone spend the night with you first night home? Dad, Mom, Twins
1.Age? 5
2. Name? S-amuel K-eegan
3. Birthday? Feb 14th 2006
4. Time of birth? 1:01p
5. How long did labor last? Scheduled Section
6. Who was in the room when baby was born? Doctors & Mom
7. How long did you push? No pushing!
8. Weight? 6lbs 8oz
9. Length? 19"
10. Any hair? Dark Brown/Black Hair
11. Who does baby look like? My guess would be me
12. Be honest…how much weight did you gain during pregnancy? Lost 60 pounds
13. Was baby early or late? Born at 36w4d
14. Who drove you home from hospital? I drove myself home
15. How many baby showers did you have? two
16. When did baby start sleeping through the night? Um...4yo maybe?
17. Did you breastfeed? Wouldn't latch :( I pumped for 3 months
18. If not, what kind of formula? Enfamil
19. Who keeps your baby the most? Mom at first, but Nanny Q
20. When do you wanna have another? I liked the idea of another right away but didn't seriously consider it until around 2yo.
21. How did you pick the name? Always loved the name. Middle is after a child I loved who died from SIDS.
22. How did you know when it was time to go to hospital? I was admitted a week before the birth due to illness.
23. What was your pain management? Spinal
24. Did you go home or somewhere else when you left the hospital? Home
25. Anyone spend the night with you first night home? Mom, Me, twins
1.Age? 5
2. Name? K-aidyn A-shlyn
3. Birthday? Feb 14th 2006
4. Time of birth? 1:03p
5. How long did labor last? Scheduled Section
6. Who was in the room when baby was born? Doctors & Mom
7. How long did you push? No pushing!
8. Weight? 5lbs 8oz
9. Length? 18"
10. Any hair? Barely any hair - reddish blond
11. Who does baby look like? Who knows!
12. Be honest…how much weight did you gain during pregnancy? Lost 60 pounds
13. Was baby early or late? Born at 36w4d
14. Who drove you home from hospital? I drove myself home
15. How many baby showers did you have? two
16. When did baby start sleeping through the night? Um...4yo maybe?
17. Did you breastfeed? Wouldn't latch :( I pumped for 3 months
18. If not, what kind of formula? Enfamil
19. Who keeps your baby the most? Mom at first, but Nanny Q
20. When do you wanna have another? I liked the idea of another right away but didn't seriously consider it until around 2yo.
21. How did you pick the name? Just loved the names
22. How did you know when it was time to go to hospital? I was admitted a week before the birth due to illness.
23. What was your pain management? Spinal
24. Did you go home or somewhere else when you left the hospital? Home
25. Anyone spend the night with you first night home? Mom, Me, twins
1. Age? 1
2. Name? M-ax G-rayson
3. Birthday? December 10th 2009
4. Time of birth? 3:14a
5. How long did labor last? 9 hours
6. Who was in the room when baby was born? Doctors & Mom
7. How long did you push? About 5 minutes
8. Weight? 8 pounds
9. Length? 20.25"
10. Any hair? Dark Brown/Black Hair
11. Who does baby look like? Me
12. Be honest…how much weight did you gain during pregnancy? About 30pounds
13. Was baby early or late? Born at 38w6d
14. Who drove you home from hospital? Dad
15. How many baby showers did you have? two
16. When did baby start sleeping through the night? He sleeps through the night if I am with him. Started around 18 months.
17. Did you breastfeed? Still breastfeeding
18. If not, what kind of formula? None
19. Who keeps your baby the most? Nanny Q
20. When do you wanna have another? I wanted another one right away. Still do :0(
21. How did you pick the name? This name would have been K's name if she was a boy
22. How did you know when it was time to go to hospital? I was told to go for an induction.
23. What was your pain management? Staydol.
24. Did you go home or somewhere else when you left the hospital? Home
25. Anyone spend the night with you first night home? Dad, Mom, Twins
Sunday, September 4, 2011
Updates
Sigh...I have totally sucked at the blog thing lately. I really need to work on that.
So...what's going on with everyone...
S - He is doing well. He started school 2 weeks ago - kindergarten - and so far he really likes it. He is REALLY into dinosaurs. I think we watch Jurassic Park III about once a day and when he's not watching it, he's reading his books or playing in his 'Dinosaur World' that he created in his room. Right now his desire is to be a Dinosaur Scientist and dig up dinosaur bones. He is growing quickly. While he can fit into M's shorts, he needs a size 7 pants for length and his feet are a size 1.
He is really a cool kid. He is so smart in science. He seems to struggle though with writing and reading and I worry that this will stifle him in school and cause him not to reach his full potential. Around here there are several schools with 'special focus' and one is a science focused school. Once he is a little older this may be a good option for him.
K - She is also doing very well. Of course she also started Kindergarten recently. Her and S are in the same class. She likes her teachers but talks more about the friends she is making. K seems to enjoy social interaction more than toys or any specific subject. She likes to play reading and grammar games with me, but won't sit and play these same games on her own. She says she will be a vet when she's older. She is also growing quickly. She is in a size 6 pants for length and a size 12 shoe.
K seems so mature for her age. She is also very smart and has an incredible memory. She is doing well with writing and pre-reading skills. She is making lots of friends and always asks me to sit and just talk with her.
M - My goodness, what to say about the Mook. He is hilarious and such a handful! He is receiving speech therapy twice a week and his vocal skills are improving week to week. He usually picks up a new word every day or two. Mook is very charming and cute...and he totally knows it! He can manipulate himself out of any situation! He is fiercely independent and thinks he can and should be able to do anything the twins do. He loves his sister, but he idolizes his brother. It is amazing to see the boys together. M has even picked up the love of dinosaurs so that he can spend time with his S. It's really just too adorable to describe.
Mook can be quite the handful. Even though he doesn't speak he is quite opinionated and has an attitude that can fill a room. His favorite word is 'Uh-uh' (NO) and he uses it often. He tests his limits constantly and will do something he's not supposed to, until you walk towards him and he runs away laughing. He is a HUGE fan of Bubble Guppies and Team Umi Zoomie. He will dance to the music and completely zone out on the couch when they are on.
Of course, sadly, my baby is growing up too. He will be headed into 24/36 month clothes and size 6 shoes. He still nurses to sleep, but even that is hit or miss lately so we may be completely weaned soon.
There isn't too much exciting going on with me. I fear that if I tried to write an update it would be filled with more bitching than anything so I will leave it for now.
So...what's going on with everyone...
S - He is doing well. He started school 2 weeks ago - kindergarten - and so far he really likes it. He is REALLY into dinosaurs. I think we watch Jurassic Park III about once a day and when he's not watching it, he's reading his books or playing in his 'Dinosaur World' that he created in his room. Right now his desire is to be a Dinosaur Scientist and dig up dinosaur bones. He is growing quickly. While he can fit into M's shorts, he needs a size 7 pants for length and his feet are a size 1.
He is really a cool kid. He is so smart in science. He seems to struggle though with writing and reading and I worry that this will stifle him in school and cause him not to reach his full potential. Around here there are several schools with 'special focus' and one is a science focused school. Once he is a little older this may be a good option for him.
K - She is also doing very well. Of course she also started Kindergarten recently. Her and S are in the same class. She likes her teachers but talks more about the friends she is making. K seems to enjoy social interaction more than toys or any specific subject. She likes to play reading and grammar games with me, but won't sit and play these same games on her own. She says she will be a vet when she's older. She is also growing quickly. She is in a size 6 pants for length and a size 12 shoe.
K seems so mature for her age. She is also very smart and has an incredible memory. She is doing well with writing and pre-reading skills. She is making lots of friends and always asks me to sit and just talk with her.
M - My goodness, what to say about the Mook. He is hilarious and such a handful! He is receiving speech therapy twice a week and his vocal skills are improving week to week. He usually picks up a new word every day or two. Mook is very charming and cute...and he totally knows it! He can manipulate himself out of any situation! He is fiercely independent and thinks he can and should be able to do anything the twins do. He loves his sister, but he idolizes his brother. It is amazing to see the boys together. M has even picked up the love of dinosaurs so that he can spend time with his S. It's really just too adorable to describe.
Mook can be quite the handful. Even though he doesn't speak he is quite opinionated and has an attitude that can fill a room. His favorite word is 'Uh-uh' (NO) and he uses it often. He tests his limits constantly and will do something he's not supposed to, until you walk towards him and he runs away laughing. He is a HUGE fan of Bubble Guppies and Team Umi Zoomie. He will dance to the music and completely zone out on the couch when they are on.
Of course, sadly, my baby is growing up too. He will be headed into 24/36 month clothes and size 6 shoes. He still nurses to sleep, but even that is hit or miss lately so we may be completely weaned soon.
There isn't too much exciting going on with me. I fear that if I tried to write an update it would be filled with more bitching than anything so I will leave it for now.
Monday, July 11, 2011
Intentional Defiance
Do you ever want to run out and do something just because someone tells you, or assumes you can't?
Okay, I know that sounds immature, but sometimes it's how I feel. Today I heard my grandparents talking. I don't even know what about, but something must have been mentioned about me having more kids and they responded "Oh gosh no, she won't have any more"
Really?
It was kind of a puzzling response because I have never, ever talked to them about any of my TTC plans. I never went to them before the twins nor M and I haven't once mentioned my intentions since M. I assume they said it because they are old fashioned and probably don't really understand why I've done what I've done to this point, but it still really rubbed me the wrong way. And of course they aren't the first person I have heard say this. I have heard my mom also declare my 'being done' even though I HAVE told her that I would like more.
Maybe they think if they tell me enough that I'm done, or convince me that I can't have another I will start to believe them and truly be done. Well, the immature child in me wants to go run out and get pregnant just to 'show them!'
Of course I would never do that. Am I done? I don't know. I might be. Everyone here knows I want more, but also knows that I have several requirements for that to happen, and they haven't yet. In a few years I may decide I am done, or I may be pregnant again, but the only ones who will play a part in that decision will be me, and the needs of the three children I have now. NO ONE ELSE.
Okay, I know that sounds immature, but sometimes it's how I feel. Today I heard my grandparents talking. I don't even know what about, but something must have been mentioned about me having more kids and they responded "Oh gosh no, she won't have any more"
Really?
It was kind of a puzzling response because I have never, ever talked to them about any of my TTC plans. I never went to them before the twins nor M and I haven't once mentioned my intentions since M. I assume they said it because they are old fashioned and probably don't really understand why I've done what I've done to this point, but it still really rubbed me the wrong way. And of course they aren't the first person I have heard say this. I have heard my mom also declare my 'being done' even though I HAVE told her that I would like more.
Maybe they think if they tell me enough that I'm done, or convince me that I can't have another I will start to believe them and truly be done. Well, the immature child in me wants to go run out and get pregnant just to 'show them!'
Of course I would never do that. Am I done? I don't know. I might be. Everyone here knows I want more, but also knows that I have several requirements for that to happen, and they haven't yet. In a few years I may decide I am done, or I may be pregnant again, but the only ones who will play a part in that decision will be me, and the needs of the three children I have now. NO ONE ELSE.
Saturday, June 25, 2011
Where Am I?
I don't know why I have been missing from the blogging world. I often think through out the day about a topic I need to share or something I want to talk about. But then the evening comes and I forget or it doesn't seem as important as it once did. I know part of it is that with summer here, the kids aren't going to bed early anymore which means I don't have my several hours of alone time. That was when I did most of my blogging. I was able to put some thoughts together without the constant noise or interruption from three little ones. So, I guess what I'm saying is I don't think this limited posting will change much. At least not until school starts again :0)
Friday, May 27, 2011
Missing In Action
Wow. I haven't posted in forever.
I am here. Daily I think about topics I want to blog about but then I open this site and my motivation leaves or I'm just not interested enough any longer to put an effort into it.
I have been in a weird funk. Not depressed. Tired. Stressed. I feel like I am running on empty. Like I have nothing else to offer. Hopefully this will change soon, for everyone's sake.
I will be back to blogging soon. Don't give up on me yet!
I am here. Daily I think about topics I want to blog about but then I open this site and my motivation leaves or I'm just not interested enough any longer to put an effort into it.
I have been in a weird funk. Not depressed. Tired. Stressed. I feel like I am running on empty. Like I have nothing else to offer. Hopefully this will change soon, for everyone's sake.
I will be back to blogging soon. Don't give up on me yet!
Sunday, May 1, 2011
A Quick Catch Up
Despite wanting to deviate from the blog challenge a little, I didn't. I held true to the daily topics and since most my 'off topic' posts were just going to be huge rants, I kept them to myself. But now that the challenge is over...watch out!
The biggest events of the past few weeks have been another round of illness in the house. M started with a few days of symptomless fevers which I have now determined was teething related. The weekend before Easter a GI bug hit the house and so began my ever rising levels of stress and exhaustion.
N started with it first. Saturday night she went to bed early. She barely left her room Sunday and on Monday it became evident that she was just laying in bed and stooling all day without changing or cleaning. By Tuesday morning I was worn out with all the bed changes, showers and clean ups along with the fact that my house was rank! The smell downstairs was unreal and I couldn't help but be frustrated with N for letting it get that way.
Sunday night S started to vomit. He was up into the early hours and had to stay home Monday from school. Luckily the vomiting was short lived and he felt better by Tuesday.
On Wednesday it seemed like the home was starting to feel better. N was weak but up and moving around some and the kids seemed healthy. I started to breath a sigh of relief...oops. Too soon.
Thursday while I was at work N fell and started to look poorly. Since I was at work and couldn't assess the situation, I called EMS and had her brought to the hospital. I could no longer handle N at home with her weak, falling, incontinent and not improving like she needed to. She was admitted to the hospital that night. In addition, K and M started vomiting too.
Friday the children were getting back to being healthy again. No more vomiting but some loose stools. N was doing a little better in the hospital and while I didn't feel great, I was functional too. That night however, after I had left the hospital, the doctor ordered N some pretty powerful narcotic meds and when I came back on Saturday to visit, N was CONFUSED as can be. So the weekend was spent trying to figure out what the heck to do with N and what we were going to do with discharge. I was able to get away for a few hours on Sunday to my parents so have an Easter celebration and Egg Hunt.
N was discharged from the hospital to a nursing home for rehab on Monday. She is still there now - it will be a week tomorrow. She is getting daily therapy. Her mental state is back to baseline now that her routine meds have been restarted and no more narcotics. She is getting back to her baseline physical state too and will probably be back here sometime this week.
I am going to strangle the next person who says "It must be nice to get a break" referring to N not being in my home. I'm not sure why daily (or more) trips to the hospital or nursing home, organizing therapies, talking to doctors, being the go between for the rest of my family and her friends, making special trips because she wants clothes, or her TV or whatever is considered a break. At least here when she's at home I can escape.
I am ready for all this to be behind me! The kids have seemed healthy this week. I am fine (other than the frequent migraines I've been getting) and N is on the right track. Please let this all continue for at least a few weeks!
The biggest events of the past few weeks have been another round of illness in the house. M started with a few days of symptomless fevers which I have now determined was teething related. The weekend before Easter a GI bug hit the house and so began my ever rising levels of stress and exhaustion.
N started with it first. Saturday night she went to bed early. She barely left her room Sunday and on Monday it became evident that she was just laying in bed and stooling all day without changing or cleaning. By Tuesday morning I was worn out with all the bed changes, showers and clean ups along with the fact that my house was rank! The smell downstairs was unreal and I couldn't help but be frustrated with N for letting it get that way.
Sunday night S started to vomit. He was up into the early hours and had to stay home Monday from school. Luckily the vomiting was short lived and he felt better by Tuesday.
On Wednesday it seemed like the home was starting to feel better. N was weak but up and moving around some and the kids seemed healthy. I started to breath a sigh of relief...oops. Too soon.
Thursday while I was at work N fell and started to look poorly. Since I was at work and couldn't assess the situation, I called EMS and had her brought to the hospital. I could no longer handle N at home with her weak, falling, incontinent and not improving like she needed to. She was admitted to the hospital that night. In addition, K and M started vomiting too.
Friday the children were getting back to being healthy again. No more vomiting but some loose stools. N was doing a little better in the hospital and while I didn't feel great, I was functional too. That night however, after I had left the hospital, the doctor ordered N some pretty powerful narcotic meds and when I came back on Saturday to visit, N was CONFUSED as can be. So the weekend was spent trying to figure out what the heck to do with N and what we were going to do with discharge. I was able to get away for a few hours on Sunday to my parents so have an Easter celebration and Egg Hunt.
N was discharged from the hospital to a nursing home for rehab on Monday. She is still there now - it will be a week tomorrow. She is getting daily therapy. Her mental state is back to baseline now that her routine meds have been restarted and no more narcotics. She is getting back to her baseline physical state too and will probably be back here sometime this week.
I am going to strangle the next person who says "It must be nice to get a break" referring to N not being in my home. I'm not sure why daily (or more) trips to the hospital or nursing home, organizing therapies, talking to doctors, being the go between for the rest of my family and her friends, making special trips because she wants clothes, or her TV or whatever is considered a break. At least here when she's at home I can escape.
I am ready for all this to be behind me! The kids have seemed healthy this week. I am fine (other than the frequent migraines I've been getting) and N is on the right track. Please let this all continue for at least a few weeks!
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
30 Days of Blogging
Got this idea from a fellow blogger! Its the 30 days of blogging... So I will be participating starting tomorrow :0)
Day 1-Introduce, recent picture, 15 interesting facts Day
2-Meaning behind your blog name
Day 3-Your first love
Day 4-Your parents
Day 5-Your siblings
Day 6-A picture of something that makes you happy
Day 7-Favorite movies
Day 8-A place you’ve traveled to
Day 9-A picture of your friends
Day 10-Something you’re afraid of
Day 11-Favorite TV shows
Day 12-What you believe
Day 13-Goals
Day 14-A picture you love
Day 15-Bible verse
Day 16-Dream house
Day 17-Something you’re looking forward to
Day 18-Something you regret
Day 19-Something you miss
Day 20-Nicknames
Day 21-Picture of yourself
Day 22-Favorite city
Day 23-Favorite vacation
Day 24-Something you’ve learned
Day 25-Favorite memory
Day 26-Picture of your family
Day 27-Pets
Day 28-Something that stresses you out
Day 29-3 Wishes
Day 30-a picture
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