January 2013

January was a very busy month for our household. There were many changes, most of them good for all of us.

First, I officially took a full time position at work. I had actually put in my notice because I was needing to go full time, and being a floor nurse with 12h hours shifts wasn't going to cut it. When I told my boss of my plans, a position was created for me! I am mostly in administration/leadership now helping with scheduling, compliance, quality, payroll and finance. It keeps me busy and I do occasionally function as the unit charge nurse to keep me at the bedside.

Second, my time had come to move N out of my home. This was a perfect time since I was going full time and really couldn't provide the supervision she needed. After 7 years of her being in my home I was beyond ready to have her gone. Yes...I know that sounds horrible, but until you've been in my shoes, I don't want to hear your thoughts ;0) She moved out and in with my mom. This move alone has made many things so much easier on me,

Third, because I was now full time a nanny wasn't really cost efficient anymore, so the kids moved to a daycare setting. M started full time daycare. I was really worried but it has been such a GREAT thing for him. His speech has improved, he's learning so much and his social skills are coming along great. The twins are watched by a classmates mom in the afternoon. This has worked well since she does homework with all of them when they get home...which leaves me off the hook.

The twins started some after school activities. S wanted to play basketball and K wanted to cheer. The school offered both programs and they both really enjoyed themselves.

What Would You Do?

I have a friend who has been extremely helpful to me when it comes to N. This friend, G, used to work with me and she was always been very good to me. She is in her mid 60's and have kind of taken on a grandma role with the kids. Every Sunday she comes to the house and picks up N to take her to church and then lunch. It's very nice as it gives me every Sunday from about 9a to 2p without N here. It's also great for N to get out of the house and be with people her own age. I do know however, that being the way N is, she often goes on and on to G about things that bug her. These are all things that are easily solvable and often things that N encourages, but then likes to complain to other people to look like the 'victim'. I have posted before about how N likes people to feel sorry for her, but does nothing to change it. For the most part I think G gets that this is just a personality thing and that N is not really as 'persecuted' as she likes to make others think. Well yesterday I get this email...

"I'm concerned about N still coughing after two months. I know you are busy
with work and 3 kids, so I'll be glad to take her to the doctor, I just don't
know who to call and make her an appointment."

Well, the whole house has been sick since September. I myself coughed constantly from September to January. Her statement about being busy kind if irks me because she knows that while I may be busy, I get everything I need to done. I makes me think like she is saying that I am ignoring N and her needs. Also, N did see a doc in December and nothing was prescribed. On top of that, while N does have a cough, it is transient and really not bad at all. I would say it is mild in severity. I wrote an email back explaining all the above, therefore N didn't need to see a doctor.

So then today this is the email response

" I understand--it was just because she is 85 that I was concerned. You know how fast that age can go downhill. "

Yes, I absolutely know, I am a nurse. I kind of feel like she is insinuating that I can not, or chose not to take care of her as needed. Um, she rarely coughs, her activity is at baseline and she seems fine,; she actually is better now then before so I have no reason to believe that she isn’t on the upswing of what she had.

Am I being overly sensitive? I guess it’s because I have no idea what N is telling her at church. Maybe she tells G that she coughs all the time and I won’t take her to the doctor. IDK. I just feel like this is kind of my business and she needs to butt out

OMFG

Today has been a bad day.

This morning I woke up and discovered that after one year, one month and five days my period had returned. Sigh. I had sooooo enjoyed the absence and I was dreading this day. I am someone who suffers greatly with my cycle. Heavy flow, severe pain and cramping and I’m sure those around me would say my mood is just peachy. Just a very unhappy person in general. In addition to the symptoms, my thoughts of having a fourth child, where just dreams that could not be acted on. Now, it’s a potential reality. I actually wonder if I sensed that it was coming back because my mind has been racing with the thoughts of a fourth. I have actually posted a few posts about my thoughts and always ended them with, ‘well since I don’t even have my period, it’s not even a possibility right now’. I bet I knew subconsciously I was coming to the time were I needed to decide.

Physically today has been okay. Just some slight body aches and cramping. I am hoping that since I am still breastfeeding the cycles that I have now will be light and a little kinder to me.

My other HUGE issue today has been N. It almost seemed like she decided this afternoon that she was going to push all my buttons. I actually took her out shopping this afternoon and up until then, things were ok. When I served her dinner she sat down and M started to fuss beneath her. She went to pick him up and sit him on the table. I told her ‘no’. She isn’t supposed to be picking up M, there is a hot plate of food on the table, and he doesn’t need to be on the table! She put him down and said ‘I can’t. Mommy said No.’. I looked at her and told her that it wasn’t about me saying no, it was about common sense. A few minutes later she got up and threw most of her dinner in the garbage saying she didn’t like it. It was sweet and sour chicken with rice and pineapple. Maybe if this was the first time she did this, I would have let it slip, but recently she has been doing this a lot. Unless I serve something that is total crap (freezer food, fried food, food that is generally considered unhealthy) she fusses and says she doesn’t like it and throws it away. After she did that I just kind of looked at her and said that I wouldn’t be cooking any dinners anytime soon since she didn’t seem to appreciate them. Right after that, she picked M up, put him on the table and gave him some of her gingerale from her straw (did I happen to mention that she is sick?) I removed the straw from his mouth, put him back on the floor and literally had to scold her like a 3 year old.

A short while later we were all in the living room watching TV. I was drinking my diet pepsi. Let me start by saying that there is nothing that bugs me more than when someone touches my food or drink. This has been the case since I was small, and everyone is well aware. When my back was turned, N picked up my drink and took a sip. As I turned around to see her, she quickly dropped the drink and tried to hide what she had done. OMFG. I wanted to explode! I just looked at her. I was actually speechless. I just shook my head and walked away. I didn’t even know what to say. But this is the clincher...she has the balls to take the drink, which she knows I will no longer touch, and drink the rest of it in front of me. Looking back I should have taken it and dumped it...but like I said, I was dumbfounded.

And this is not dementia people. Patients with dementia don’t try to hide their actions because they don’t know that what they’re doing is wrong or weird. No, N is well aware that what she is doing is unacceptable. She knows it is pissing me off, but she doesn’t care. Lately she is making an issue out of everything (and this could be in some degree be related to her mental illness’) she doesn’t like the food, she fusses that she can’t pick up M, she acts like she is always being persecuted against. She has always been this way, but as she ages and mentally declines, it is definitely accentuated and multiplied in severity.

I think after the pepsi incident she clued in that I was about to snap and she left to go to bed. She will be at church most of the day tomorrow...thank goodness. A few hours I won’t have to deal with her!

Mommy With a Fever + Sick Baby x Energetic Twins = One Grumpy Mama

It seems like this house just can't get healthy. I don't know if it's just a bad year, or the fact that the twins are now in school and bringing everything home. But it SUCKS. The twins and Max seemed to stay sick most of September with a runny nose and cough. It seemed to go away a week or two ago, then M was vomiting all day Saturday and now most of us are sick again.

I have a sore throat and this afternoon had a low grade fever and body aches. I was able to get some rest off and on, but mostly just kept popping the Ibuprofen and continued on.

N is also sick. She has pretty much been in bed for two days. She says she has a sore throat and stays cold. I literally have gone into her room a few times just to make sure she's breathing.

Mookie is pretty miserable. He has a constant, nasty runny nose. I am constantly cleaning his nose and the poor thing now has little open sores on the outside of his nose. He starts to panic every time he sees me grab the Kleenex. He also has 6 hard, white bumps on his gums. So, in addition to being sick, I believe that in a matter of days he will go from zero to six teeth. I have also kept a steady stream of Ibuprofen in him.

Surprisingly the twins seem fine. A little cough or sneeze here and there but overall seem healthy. Hopefully they will stay that way because at least while they're at school I can get a little peace and quiet while the baby and I sleep.

Let's Try to Find Some Positive...

My last few posts have been kind of negative so it's time to share some positive.

Today was M's 9 month well baby check-up. He did very well. Still a tall, lean baby. He is 19 pounds and 29". He is at or ahead of all his developmental milestones and there were no causes for concern. He got the first of two flu shots this year, which I really didn't want to do, but I felt since the twins were now in pre-school they were a much greater risk than when they were cared for at home. The twins will go this Friday for their first round and then I will be able to bring all three for their second shot in November. I'm thinking I might need reinforcements.

After his appointment I headed over to work for a few minutes (work is right across the street from the ped). Everyone at work loves little M and just melts all over him. I haven't brought him in since his 6 month visit so many people were shocked at how much older and bigger he was.

We then headed over to the shopping center to have lunch with an old friend who I just don't have time to connect with much. It was a great lunch. I am very glad that we planned this last week. It was exactly what I needed after the events of this week. After lunch we window shopped at the Toy Store and found some good Christmas Gift ideas for our kids.

I got back JUST IN TIME to pick the kids up from school. S was crying next to the wall when I got him. This is the first time there has been any problem. I asked him why he was upset and all he would say was he missed me. Sometimes he gets very sensitive and his feelings can be easily hurt. I imagine something hurt his feelings but it was just easier to blame on missing me. I hope this doesn't cause any problems with his desire to return to school tomorrow.

My day was almost ruined by N when we came home. S had a handful of papers in his hand that I needed to look at. When we walked through the front door, N told S to give her the papers and she sat down and started to read them. WTF? They aren't for you! I took them from her and told her they were for me. They included all of S's speech work and the Calendar for October/November. When I finished reading them, I put them on my desk and N had the nerve to tell S to get them and give them to her! I so wanted to get into it, but instead I took the kids upstairs for a late nap.

My sister J came over a little bit later and cooked some special soup for dinner that K LOVES! So that was nice not having to cook. She hung out for awhile and the visit was nice. The kids like seeing her and since she doesn't come often, she pretty much hold Max the entire time which allows me to do some stuff.

As I write this all three kiddos are in bed sleeping, and I think once I finish the dishes, I will head there myself. Work tomorrow, but then off again Friday.

When it Rains, it Pours

This week is K's surgery. I have been getting more anxious as time goes by and the date gets closer. I was hoping for busy, but calm days leading up to surgery but life had other plans.

Friday night while looking in M's mouth I see some small white patches. Great. Thrush. The twins had it horrible as infants. Two rounds of Nystatin and then Diflucan to get rid of it. It was miserable. I didn't want to go through that again, so I decided to call the pediatrician first thing Saturday morning to get an appointment to get started on treatment early.

So Saturday morning I wait for 9am so that I can call the doctor. While waiting K comes into my room and says 'my toe hurts'. I look and on K's right big toe there is a huge grape size blister filled with pus. Great. An Abcess. I call the doctor and make appointments for both. While we were getting ready, the abcess breaks and (TMI) a huge pool of pus drains out.

We get to the doctor. M does have thrush. It's early though and very mild (Yeah!) He is started on Nystatin Mouth Wash and I am started on Nystatin Cream - since he is still breastfeeding. K does have an abcess. Since it's already broken, no need to drain, but we do get 10 days of antibiotics. K has a slight temperature but I'm told as long as it doesn't get worse, she should be fine for surgery.

And, you would think that would be enough. But no. Tonight (Sunday) N is complaining that she is in so much pain she can't walk. She is using her walker, the one she hasn't used since the twins were born, to help her around the house. She has intense pain to her right side, she denies she ever fell, but I don't know what else would have caused this. So while I am at work tomorrow, a friend will be taking her to the urgent care to see if we can figure out whats wrong with her.

Please...no more...I can't handle it.

I Want to Hurt N

Back Story...

When the twins were one I made them each a small quilt with squares from memorable outfits from their first year. While K liked hers, but never really carried it around, S became super attached to his and it became his 'onnie'. He has carried that thing around from the age of one to present day. He sleeps with it, he plays with it and there is a fight every time we leave the house about how onnie needs to stay home. S even refers to it as 'he'. Like as in 'onnie needs to come in the car or he will get lonely'.

Well needless to say, this onnie is not in great shape. It's no longer the vibrant blue and other colors it was, it has many stains, rips and holes, but to me this is what gives it it's personality and what makes it all the more special to him. The blanket shows the love it has received.

Today, while at the hospital with K, N felt it was necessary to take the blanket apart so that she should crochet a new cover to it. WTF!!?? S's special onnie and she destroys it?? Something sentimental and special to both S and I and she takes it apart!! I am so livid. I almost started to cry. I just looked at her and said 'its not his onnie anymore. You should have asked me before touching it' and I walked away. I haven't said another word to her tonight because I can't. If she wanted to crochet something for S, fine, but don't involve the old one.

This is a perfect example of why it's hard to live with N. This has nothing to do with her dementia. This is her personality. Her way is the better way and she spends most of her time changing things when I'm not looking to fit her way. She saw a ratty blanket and took it upon herself to mess with it. She would never for a second think of talking to me about it first.

I'm sure the anger will fade, but right now I am just trying to figure out a way to save S's onnie :0(

Everyone is Sick

Ugh...over the course of two or three days, everyone in this house has become sick...

Of course my sickness has nothing to do with any virus but man am I wiped out. The nausea is getting bad. Pretty much 24/7 now. I just feel like throwing up all the time. I think I am doing better at managing it this time. Last time I would just stay in bed all day and do nothing...leading of course to dehydration and hospital stays. Now I am doing better at forcing fluids and food. As of now, thats been working.

N and S have the flu. S has had a nasty cough and high fever since Saturday. I guess if it lasts much longer we will be making a trip to the doctor. The only thing that keeps me from worrying about it now is he is eating and drinking normally and his fever responds right away to meds. N is the same way...so for now we wait it out.

K woke up this morning and threw up all over herself. She then threw up a few more times, but then seemed fine. She hasn't vomited since about 10a and she has eaten and drank since then so hopefully she had a quick passing thing.

I am too worn out to be dealing with all these sick people...everyone needs to get better!

I Need to Change Things....

Maybe it's because I am depressed. Maybe it's because I'm stressed. Maybe it's because N shit all over my car and house tonight and didn't feel the need to tell me about it. I need to get my life in order to where I don't need her here.

Right now I am dependant on the income she provides me. That needs to change. I need to sell my house and downsize. I need to get back into full time work. I need to trim some of the 'fat' off my monthly bills. I need to do something. I just don't think I can do it much longer.

Another Little Rant

Okay, I am really not this bitter but now that I have an outlet for my frustration, I am using it. I used to hold it inside and let it fester so I am convincing myself that this is healthier.

We went out to dinner tonight. When we got out it is expected that N pay her part. We tonight she ordered a salad which was $5.50. When the dinner was done she gave me $6. Here's the part that pisses me off. She also had a drink, extra dip and dessert plus her share of the tip. WTF!?

Okay, rant over.

N Rant Part II

So tonight I was talking to a friend of mine that babysits for me as a fill-in. The topic shifts to N and some things she has been saying lately. Apparently N has been sharing this real sob story that makes it seem like everyone in her life has forced her into things. I know I shouldn't care, but I do. I mean this is my friend and if she believed what N had said what would she have thought of me. Plus, if N is saying this to her, who else is she sharing these stories with. Some of the crap she is spreading.

-One of the things N said is she was made to move her. WTF? Due to her mental state she cannot live alone. She did not want to live in a nursing home, so she was offered here and took it.

- She complained that her brother sold all her things including her house, car and belongings. Um, yes he sold the car - she can't drive, he sold the house - she begged him to because she wasn't living in it but had to pay taxes and fees on it. And as for belongings my grandparents drove an entire van up here full of her crap and she threw most of it away.

- She says she never gets to go anywhere. One of my friends picks her up every Sunday and takes her to church and lunch. N has already started to complain about this. My friend also asked her to do the same on Wednesday but N said no. Some times when I do take her places, she acts like she is not very happy. I will not take her to things I do with my friends because I do need some social time that does not include N. And finally, twice when I took her shopping she fell or passed out. I am already a single mom, shopping with twin toddlers. I can't also be concerned about a falling elderly woman - I'm sorry if that sounds mean.

UGH....can you tell I'm steamed.

N...

So let me introduce my blog world to N. N is my 82yo senile great-aunt who lives with me. There are days I want to run screaming from the house.

When the twins were first born, N who lived in FL was found on her front porch. She was incoherent and couldn't even walk on her own. The docs still don't really know what happened, but it was clear she could no longer live on her own. We my mom offered to take her in instead of her going to a nursing home. So when the twins were 7 weeks, we drove down to FL to pick up N. She initially went to my mom's house but, as typical for my mom, she couldn't deal with it much longer then a few months. At about that same time I realized that physically and mentally I could not continue to work full time with infant twins. So, N came to live with me. After a few months N actually came around both physically and mentally. She was able to keep up with minor housework and enjoyed playing with the twins.

The only problem with her 'coming around' is that she was now much more intrusive into my life. Per my family, N has always been a very controlling, obnoxious person. I guess due to the dementia, this behaviour has only amplified. She constantly picks on things I do, say or wear. I ignore it because I can, but I feel horrible for my nanny Q. Q has to sit here all day and listen to her. N thinks she is in control and tried to tell Q every little thing. She controls what she feeds the kids, how she dresses the twins, even stupid things like how you should brush S's hair. UGH! I am constantly telling N to butt out of Q's business and that I completely trust her decisions, but it doesn't seem to do any good.Q is such a godsend for me and if N ever runs her off I'm in real trouble.

The other thing is N has a nice little pad. She has the master bedroom. She has her own bathroom. In her room is even a little sitting area with a chair and TV. She is never in there. I would love it if just a few hours a day she went into her room and stayed out of what I was doing. Part of the problem with her being so controlling is she is also very nosey and can't stand to be out of the loop. It is even at the point that if I have friends over I hang out in my bedroom because she will sit right there on the couch next to us when we are trying to have a visit. I get the sense from several of my friends that they are uncomfortable being here.

As her caretaker I am also responsible for trying to keep her healthy. She is overweight and has issues with her cholesterol. So she is supposed to be on a diet. Well I cook for that diet but she is constantly sneaking the kids food. I have gone so far as to put it all in a box up on the top shelf and she still reaches it. I mean my kids deserve to have some snacks in the house without her getting into them all the time. I also found out recently that she has Q buy her cookies and bring them into her each week. WTF?? I constantly see her with food in her pockets and she will hide in the kitchen trying to sneak around. Nothing drives me more crazy then people who deliberately tries to hide things. And then when called out on it, she flat out lies.

The other thing is she will not accept her limitations. I constantly tell her not to carry the kids around. Don't' run around the table chasing the toddler. Don't go near the stairs. Anytime I say something like this, she goes out of her way to do it!! Last year she got into a snit because I wouldn't let her go upstairs. Then one day she fell down the stairs and broke her ankle. She had to spend 2 months in rehab! She gets angry when I get a babysitter when I go out. She doesn't understand why she can't babysit. She spends most of her day trying to prove me wrong.

Okay so I know this post makes me sound hateful, but I dare anyone to take in a demented family member and then you tell me how you feel after 2 years. I know a lot of people have also said well she doesn't know better, but that's the thing, she does. Yes she suffers from dementia but her meds control her and she knows exactly what she's doing and knows that some of the things she does is wrong.

Okay, maybe this rant will let me feel better for a day or two. It's funny because when people ask me how many kids I have, I usually respond that I live with three toddlers.