OMFG

Today has been a bad day.

This morning I woke up and discovered that after one year, one month and five days my period had returned. Sigh. I had sooooo enjoyed the absence and I was dreading this day. I am someone who suffers greatly with my cycle. Heavy flow, severe pain and cramping and I’m sure those around me would say my mood is just peachy. Just a very unhappy person in general. In addition to the symptoms, my thoughts of having a fourth child, where just dreams that could not be acted on. Now, it’s a potential reality. I actually wonder if I sensed that it was coming back because my mind has been racing with the thoughts of a fourth. I have actually posted a few posts about my thoughts and always ended them with, ‘well since I don’t even have my period, it’s not even a possibility right now’. I bet I knew subconsciously I was coming to the time were I needed to decide.

Physically today has been okay. Just some slight body aches and cramping. I am hoping that since I am still breastfeeding the cycles that I have now will be light and a little kinder to me.

My other HUGE issue today has been N. It almost seemed like she decided this afternoon that she was going to push all my buttons. I actually took her out shopping this afternoon and up until then, things were ok. When I served her dinner she sat down and M started to fuss beneath her. She went to pick him up and sit him on the table. I told her ‘no’. She isn’t supposed to be picking up M, there is a hot plate of food on the table, and he doesn’t need to be on the table! She put him down and said ‘I can’t. Mommy said No.’. I looked at her and told her that it wasn’t about me saying no, it was about common sense. A few minutes later she got up and threw most of her dinner in the garbage saying she didn’t like it. It was sweet and sour chicken with rice and pineapple. Maybe if this was the first time she did this, I would have let it slip, but recently she has been doing this a lot. Unless I serve something that is total crap (freezer food, fried food, food that is generally considered unhealthy) she fusses and says she doesn’t like it and throws it away. After she did that I just kind of looked at her and said that I wouldn’t be cooking any dinners anytime soon since she didn’t seem to appreciate them. Right after that, she picked M up, put him on the table and gave him some of her gingerale from her straw (did I happen to mention that she is sick?) I removed the straw from his mouth, put him back on the floor and literally had to scold her like a 3 year old.

A short while later we were all in the living room watching TV. I was drinking my diet pepsi. Let me start by saying that there is nothing that bugs me more than when someone touches my food or drink. This has been the case since I was small, and everyone is well aware. When my back was turned, N picked up my drink and took a sip. As I turned around to see her, she quickly dropped the drink and tried to hide what she had done. OMFG. I wanted to explode! I just looked at her. I was actually speechless. I just shook my head and walked away. I didn’t even know what to say. But this is the clincher...she has the balls to take the drink, which she knows I will no longer touch, and drink the rest of it in front of me. Looking back I should have taken it and dumped it...but like I said, I was dumbfounded.

And this is not dementia people. Patients with dementia don’t try to hide their actions because they don’t know that what they’re doing is wrong or weird. No, N is well aware that what she is doing is unacceptable. She knows it is pissing me off, but she doesn’t care. Lately she is making an issue out of everything (and this could be in some degree be related to her mental illness’) she doesn’t like the food, she fusses that she can’t pick up M, she acts like she is always being persecuted against. She has always been this way, but as she ages and mentally declines, it is definitely accentuated and multiplied in severity.

I think after the pepsi incident she clued in that I was about to snap and she left to go to bed. She will be at church most of the day tomorrow...thank goodness. A few hours I won’t have to deal with her!