Sunday, August 31, 2008

Today Hasn't Been Horrible

I think the build up to Zach's birthday has been worse. I have thought about him a lot. Also explained his story to many. I'm just glad I had him for the time I did. I some days dream of seeing him again when he's older, but honestly, he has no memory of me, so that would be a fruitless reunion. I have so many pictures and keepsakes, including his hospital bracelet, that I would love to give to his family. But of course I would need to find them, and then I would probably hold them hostage until they gave me an update and maybe a picture.

Anyway, another year passed. I hope he had a good day today. I hope he was spoiled rotten and surrounded by people who love him as much as I do. Happy 4th Birthday Zach!

Saturday, August 30, 2008

Tomorrow My First Son Turns 4

On August 31st 2004, my first son, Zachary James was born. I got the call the next day and on September 2nd brought home my beautiful baby boy. I instantly fell in love and life was amazing.

For the next 6 months my life was pretty good. He was a wonderful baby. He slept through the night at about 12 weeks and he was pretty content. He fit right into my family and we were a perfect match.

That all changed a week before he turned 6 months. His social worker called me and said his birth parents had resurfaced and had changed their plans. They were going to give him to someone else. I was devastated and in shock. It infuriated me that the system was allowing these idiots to remove Zach from the only mother he knew and give him to complete strangers with absolutely no connection to him at all. I just don't understand a world that works that way.

Zach was taken on a Friday. I haven't heard about him or seen him since. I still think of him daily and despite the birth of the twins, my heart still has a little hole in it that will never be healed. I know that if I had kept Zach, I wouldn't have ended up TTC and getting pregnant with the twins...but I'd like to believe that in a perfect world, I would still have all three of my children.

And just so you know what kind of parent Zach had, and who the Social Workers let decide the fate of this little boy I'll share a little. Zach father was an abusive drug addict. His mother a borderline retarded woman. Zach was the 6th child that was removed from them. They had none of their children in their custody. They had been charged with child abuse, neglect and actually trying to sell them (which I am convinced what happened in Zach's case). She was actually pregnant with number 7 when this occurred. This couple had had a child roughly every 11-13 months. After 3 and a half years, I am still bitter.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008


It has started raining again. All my hard work is washing away again. I hate my life sometimes.

Rain, Floods and Tornados

That pretty much sums up today. It started raining yesterday and still hasn't stopped. And this isn't the cute, droplet rain. This rain has been coming down hard for over a day. Everything around here is wet or worse, flooded. Half of my driveway was washed away. I just finished shovelling gravel from one end of my driveway to the missing middle part. The best part is, my driveway is about 500ft long. There have been reports of several tornadoes touching down but luckily no major damage or injuries. I'm not sure that will be said about the driving though. People are idiots and can't drive in any sort of weather. I think on my way to work I saw/heard about 15+ accidents.

On the trip from the parking lot to the hospital I got soaked from the knees down - even with an umbrella. My tennis shoes were soaked right through. Oddly enough, by the time I was ready to come home, my shoes were dry but my sock were not? Luckily the hospital has socks for patients so I went home in some snazzy green socks with rubber treads :)

Work was okay. A long day of scheduling and dealing with whiny people. If one more person comes to me asking for a day off I will strangle them. Really, I will.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

A long boring BLECH day

It has nothing but rain here today. From the moment I woke up to right now as I type it has rained. Days like this are only good for staying in your PJ's and lounging around the house all day....which is exactly what I did :D I did make it out to the post office today, and don't tell anyone, but I went in my PJ's.

The kids have been in a pretty good mood today considering they haven't been able to run around and pay like they are used to. They have been ultra competative lately which is driving me bonkers, but I'm sure that will pass soon and they will develop an equally as obnoxious behaviour.

I worked a lot today on my unit schedule - something I do every 6 weeks. I usually do it for many days but because of all my company I have been unable to get to it. I worked on it for about 4 hours today and I will keep working on it until Friday, but physically at work versus here at home. After 4 days at home I both am looking forward to getting out of the house, but also dreading being up at 6am.

Monday, August 25, 2008

Fertility Friend....

So to my shock I am on CD26. How did that happen? It really seems like I just finished AF. I had some slight spotting today so I figured maybe I had O'd. Well I guess not. How on earth does 26 days pass that quickly?

I was going to start charting in September in hopes that I will be able to TTC again in January, so I guess this is my last cycle without all the questions, measurements and second guessing of eveything.

Visits from friends are great...

Well M came to visit this week. She got here Saturday evening and will leave tomorrow morning. I am so glad she came and I had a great time.

I met M a few years ago off a donor website. She was always very supportive and active until about 6 months ago when that site started to become over run with trolls. She broke off and formed her own board which I then joined and helped her develop and run. She has been a great friend online and we decided to meet. I must say I was a little nervous joining the online world with the real one, but I decided to go for it.

M has been great and the twins LOVE her. She is so good with them which breaks my heart because she has struggled for years to have one of her own without success to this point. We went to the Science Center, walked in the Gardens and then went out for dinner on Sunday. Today we hung around the house, mostly because it was raining. We did go to Walmart where I talked her into buying a GPS :) and then Kohl's where I got some great deals on some kids clothes. We ended the evening with dinner out again. The past few days have been a lot of fun and I will be sad to see her go. She lives about 6 hours from here so it will be awhile before we meet again. Next time, hopefully I will be able to visit her.

Here is K, S and M during our Walk.

Now it's just time for J and her brood to come visit....which I am promised will be next year :)

Saturday, August 23, 2008

So tired this morning

This morning I woke up more tired then when I went to bed. It's one of those mornings UGH. I spent it half asleep on the floor while the twins played. I don't know if it's the MS or just life. Both my arms ache like crazy - my shots have been in my arms the last 2 days and I have had a slight headache. Days like this really make being a SMBC a challenge.

It doesn't help matters that my house is a mess and M will be here this afternoon. I will take a short nap and then clean like a crazy woman this afternoon.

Friday, August 22, 2008

Weight Loss Sucks

Last May I made the decision to lose weight. I was/am very overweight. Last year I was able to lose 90lbs!! I still had at least another 90lbs to go this year but after my diagnosis of MS I lost all desire to lose weight and sunk into a depression. I actually gained about 20lbs back and horrible as that was. Since April I have tried probably 50 times to restart my diet without success. I do okay for a few weeks but it seems like my body is fighting me this time. Last year I would lose 2-3lbs per week. This year I can be good with my eating and exercise and then weigh in only to find that I weigh the same or even slightly higher. It doesn't make any sense and it is extremely discouraging. Add to that my sucky month and I will just say that I have been doing a lot of emotional eating lately.

The biggest reason this sucks is I want to be a certain weight before I start TTC again in January. At this rate, I will never make it :(

This month has FU@KING sucked!

August has been a month from HELL. Probably had a lot to do with why I haven't posted in so long, however the blogging may have helped with the stress!

This month we had a ton of play dates scheduled. Then the kids have gymnastics. We got the membership to the YMCA so we are trying to go swimming once a week. Then I belong to a local walking club and we walk 2 miles 3 days a week. Then I am the moderator to 2 local mommy groups (single mommies and mommies with depression). I also moderate 2 online forums. And just because I didn't think I was busy enough I am now the President, Web Site Designer and Treasurer to my local Mommies of Multiples (MOM) group. And did I mention I also work :P

Hopefully some of these things will calm down soon. This month MOM had their consignment sale which took a lot of my time and me and the Vice President are also working very hard to get advertising up around the community so maybe once those 2 projects are done my life will calm down a bit. Oh and just one comment and I will move on....some women are just catty bitches.

Last weekend I had my Grandparents stay with us. They live in Florida and we see them about once a year. Then this weekend an Internet friend will come and visit! This will be the first face to face we have had. I am very excited about this. :)

My stupidity...

So I created this blog as a anonymous way of posting my feelings and random thoughts. Well I didn't really think that through very well, because of course when I left comments on my friends blog, it lead her straight here - I am such a dumb ass!

Let me say that I REALLY don't have a problem with this, or other friends reading this blog, I guess I just had this attraction to complete anonymity. Ah well. I knew it wouldn't last forever and really any of my friends who are creative with Google would have found me anyway.

J, I welcome you here :) Don't worry about finding this blog. As you can read, there is really nothing all that interesting here any way :)

Get use to it....

My lack of posting that is. This is very typical of me. I will start something and think I will post everyday and keep up some great conversations, but then I peter out and go days or weeks without posting. So basically, don't count on this being updated very frequently...although I will try!

FEEDJIT Live Traffic Feed


How Crazy Can One Woman Be? Copyright 2009 All Rights Reserved Baby Blog Designed by Ipietoon | All Image Presented by Online Journal

This template is brought to you by : | Blogger Templates