Tomorrow My First Son Turns 4

On August 31st 2004, my first son, Zachary James was born. I got the call the next day and on September 2nd brought home my beautiful baby boy. I instantly fell in love and life was amazing.

For the next 6 months my life was pretty good. He was a wonderful baby. He slept through the night at about 12 weeks and he was pretty content. He fit right into my family and we were a perfect match.

That all changed a week before he turned 6 months. His social worker called me and said his birth parents had resurfaced and had changed their plans. They were going to give him to someone else. I was devastated and in shock. It infuriated me that the system was allowing these idiots to remove Zach from the only mother he knew and give him to complete strangers with absolutely no connection to him at all. I just don't understand a world that works that way.

Zach was taken on a Friday. I haven't heard about him or seen him since. I still think of him daily and despite the birth of the twins, my heart still has a little hole in it that will never be healed. I know that if I had kept Zach, I wouldn't have ended up TTC and getting pregnant with the twins...but I'd like to believe that in a perfect world, I would still have all three of my children.


And just so you know what kind of parent Zach had, and who the Social Workers let decide the fate of this little boy I'll share a little. Zach father was an abusive drug addict. His mother a borderline retarded woman. Zach was the 6th child that was removed from them. They had none of their children in their custody. They had been charged with child abuse, neglect and actually trying to sell them (which I am convinced what happened in Zach's case). She was actually pregnant with number 7 when this occurred. This couple had had a child roughly every 11-13 months. After 3 and a half years, I am still bitter.