And....My Mom

So, since J has started dating Jo, my mother has been acting bazaar. She is obsessed with the relationship and is constantly trying to place herself into it. It's weird. It's strange. I don't know what is going on.

First, since day one my mom has been asking when he will start to support J. Before they were even officially dating, J needed a car and was staying here because she has no home. My mom constantly pushed J to ask Jo to buy her a car and rent her an apartment near him. J continued to push against this, which seemed to anger my mother. When they became 'official' my mom asked when J would be moving in with him. When J pushed back with this, my mom would go on these long diatribes about how a man supports his woman, she if this relationship was serious they would move in together. Mom kept saying how a long distance relationship would never work and continued to harp on moving in together or him renting her a place near by. For reference shake, they do live in separate towns. J usually stays here and Jo lives in a city about 1h15m from here.

If this wasn't bad enough, my mom wants an egagement by February. Yep, I said February. I have no idea why this is so important, or really why it's any of her business, but it's an obsession of hers. With EVERY conversation she and my sister has my mom brings this back up. 'When are you getting married?'...'When are you moving there?' 'Do you have a ring yet?'. It's ridiculous. She is 21 years old and has her whole life ahead of her. If you were her mother would you want her rushing into marriage? Did I mention they only met in October??

If the questions and harassment aren't enough, my mom has become very manipulative. She will cry when talking to J saying she is being left out of the relationship. Why doesn't J bring Jo around more. If your mother was saying the things she was, would you want to bring the boyfriend around? J (and I) are pretty worried about what my mom would say to him as she isn't shy to share her feelings. If J doesn't share personal information about their relationship, or share details about Jo's life - life income, lifestyle etc - she gets mad and will scream and tell J she's a liar or crazy. My mom has even gone as far as to say she needs to get engaged and married now before my grandparents die (they're old, but nothing is wrong with them) because to deny them of seeing that would be selfish. O.M.G.

My mom spends a lot of time researching him online. She knows weird details about him like childhood stuff, even found a picture of him as a child and now has it on display in the house. Her FB feed is covered with stuff about Jo. Most posts reference him, the games, or if J sends her any texts or pictures of them, it get put right up on her wall.

Also, during fights with J, it she has made some statements about my choice of not getting married which are kind of hurtful. Like somehow unless you get married you can't possibly be normal, and not doing so is a selfish choice. Everything my mother says though, comes back to her. We are denying her of a daughter being married. J is denying her access to the relationship. In addition if I ever try to tell her how crazy she sounds she attacks me saying I don't know anything about relationships. Well, I think that's crap, but even if true, her relationship track record...how is that better than mine?

So, this behaviour is driving me nuts for several reasons. I have to hear J freak out over it every night. I have to hear it sometimes. J is actually in the only relationship I have ever though an ounce of positivity about and I am afraid that my mom is going to screw it up. I also worry about my mom. This isn't normal, so why is she acting like this. I know she has been more depressed lately - always that way in the winter. She is also not working right now so she has a lot of time on her hands. I also think there is some weird jealousy thing going on with her sisters. She flat out denies it, but I think it plays a part.

My mom and two of her sisters had baby girls all around the same time, so there are 3 cousins that are all within a year of eachother. Last year one, K announced an engagement. She is engaged to a very wealthy boy. Well, his family is wealthy, not sure about the boy. In fact, they aren't even married yet and the family has bought them a large home as a wedding present. K's mom is the Aunt of mine who is very superficial and materialistic, so I'm sure she couldn't be happier. My mom and her were speaking until a few months ago, so my thoughts are that she said something hurtful to my mom, probably related to K's engagement, and that has set off my mom. The other girl, T, has gotten into a significant relationship and has moved in with her boyfriend. Both of these events took place a few months before J started dating Jo. My belief is my mom is completely jealous, and has a intense need to one up her sisters (at least K's mom) to prove something. Unfortunately J get to be the victim of that insanity.

So if you read through all that - wow - and now I'm sure you think my family is crazier than ever. I hope we can find a way to break through to my mom soon. I really think if this doesn't stop one of two things will happen. (1) J will cave to all the stress/pressure and the best relationship, and potentially a great future husband, will all come crashing down. Or (2) J will become tired of all the bullshit and she will cut off ties with my mom. Neither one is good.

And as crazy as I thought she was acting as I type this up I realize that she is so much worse than I have been thinking. It sounds like my mom is a loon.

What Would You Do?

I have a friend who has been extremely helpful to me when it comes to N. This friend, G, used to work with me and she was always been very good to me. She is in her mid 60's and have kind of taken on a grandma role with the kids. Every Sunday she comes to the house and picks up N to take her to church and then lunch. It's very nice as it gives me every Sunday from about 9a to 2p without N here. It's also great for N to get out of the house and be with people her own age. I do know however, that being the way N is, she often goes on and on to G about things that bug her. These are all things that are easily solvable and often things that N encourages, but then likes to complain to other people to look like the 'victim'. I have posted before about how N likes people to feel sorry for her, but does nothing to change it. For the most part I think G gets that this is just a personality thing and that N is not really as 'persecuted' as she likes to make others think. Well yesterday I get this email...

"I'm concerned about N still coughing after two months. I know you are busy
with work and 3 kids, so I'll be glad to take her to the doctor, I just don't
know who to call and make her an appointment."

Well, the whole house has been sick since September. I myself coughed constantly from September to January. Her statement about being busy kind if irks me because she knows that while I may be busy, I get everything I need to done. I makes me think like she is saying that I am ignoring N and her needs. Also, N did see a doc in December and nothing was prescribed. On top of that, while N does have a cough, it is transient and really not bad at all. I would say it is mild in severity. I wrote an email back explaining all the above, therefore N didn't need to see a doctor.

So then today this is the email response

" I understand--it was just because she is 85 that I was concerned. You know how fast that age can go downhill. "

Yes, I absolutely know, I am a nurse. I kind of feel like she is insinuating that I can not, or chose not to take care of her as needed. Um, she rarely coughs, her activity is at baseline and she seems fine,; she actually is better now then before so I have no reason to believe that she isn’t on the upswing of what she had.

Am I being overly sensitive? I guess it’s because I have no idea what N is telling her at church. Maybe she tells G that she coughs all the time and I won’t take her to the doctor. IDK. I just feel like this is kind of my business and she needs to butt out

OMFG

Today has been a bad day.

This morning I woke up and discovered that after one year, one month and five days my period had returned. Sigh. I had sooooo enjoyed the absence and I was dreading this day. I am someone who suffers greatly with my cycle. Heavy flow, severe pain and cramping and I’m sure those around me would say my mood is just peachy. Just a very unhappy person in general. In addition to the symptoms, my thoughts of having a fourth child, where just dreams that could not be acted on. Now, it’s a potential reality. I actually wonder if I sensed that it was coming back because my mind has been racing with the thoughts of a fourth. I have actually posted a few posts about my thoughts and always ended them with, ‘well since I don’t even have my period, it’s not even a possibility right now’. I bet I knew subconsciously I was coming to the time were I needed to decide.

Physically today has been okay. Just some slight body aches and cramping. I am hoping that since I am still breastfeeding the cycles that I have now will be light and a little kinder to me.

My other HUGE issue today has been N. It almost seemed like she decided this afternoon that she was going to push all my buttons. I actually took her out shopping this afternoon and up until then, things were ok. When I served her dinner she sat down and M started to fuss beneath her. She went to pick him up and sit him on the table. I told her ‘no’. She isn’t supposed to be picking up M, there is a hot plate of food on the table, and he doesn’t need to be on the table! She put him down and said ‘I can’t. Mommy said No.’. I looked at her and told her that it wasn’t about me saying no, it was about common sense. A few minutes later she got up and threw most of her dinner in the garbage saying she didn’t like it. It was sweet and sour chicken with rice and pineapple. Maybe if this was the first time she did this, I would have let it slip, but recently she has been doing this a lot. Unless I serve something that is total crap (freezer food, fried food, food that is generally considered unhealthy) she fusses and says she doesn’t like it and throws it away. After she did that I just kind of looked at her and said that I wouldn’t be cooking any dinners anytime soon since she didn’t seem to appreciate them. Right after that, she picked M up, put him on the table and gave him some of her gingerale from her straw (did I happen to mention that she is sick?) I removed the straw from his mouth, put him back on the floor and literally had to scold her like a 3 year old.

A short while later we were all in the living room watching TV. I was drinking my diet pepsi. Let me start by saying that there is nothing that bugs me more than when someone touches my food or drink. This has been the case since I was small, and everyone is well aware. When my back was turned, N picked up my drink and took a sip. As I turned around to see her, she quickly dropped the drink and tried to hide what she had done. OMFG. I wanted to explode! I just looked at her. I was actually speechless. I just shook my head and walked away. I didn’t even know what to say. But this is the clincher...she has the balls to take the drink, which she knows I will no longer touch, and drink the rest of it in front of me. Looking back I should have taken it and dumped it...but like I said, I was dumbfounded.

And this is not dementia people. Patients with dementia don’t try to hide their actions because they don’t know that what they’re doing is wrong or weird. No, N is well aware that what she is doing is unacceptable. She knows it is pissing me off, but she doesn’t care. Lately she is making an issue out of everything (and this could be in some degree be related to her mental illness’) she doesn’t like the food, she fusses that she can’t pick up M, she acts like she is always being persecuted against. She has always been this way, but as she ages and mentally declines, it is definitely accentuated and multiplied in severity.

I think after the pepsi incident she clued in that I was about to snap and she left to go to bed. She will be at church most of the day tomorrow...thank goodness. A few hours I won’t have to deal with her!

Banging My Head Against a Wall

Remember me posting just before Christmas, on how the hospital that K had her surgery at had waived my bill 100% and that I didn't owe a thing. Well guess what? I got a letter from them today saying that they were sending my account to collections because I haven't addressed their last three requests for payment.

So I guess I get to spend a grand old time on the phone tomorrow - while at work - trying to figure out what is going on, and save myself before the account goes to collections or ruins my credit score.

I am going to scream.

Sigh....

Oh how I wanted my first post of 2011 to be a positive one...but it looks like it won't be so.

I'm going to fore warn you that many of my rants will come across as judgmental, and maybe even offensive to some, but this is my blog and therefor I can type what I want :0)

My Sister J is driving me insane. I used to think she was a lost soul, but now I really think she is nuts. I'm not sure that I mentioned this before, but she is currently 'dating' a guy. I use the term dating loosely because in all honestly, it's more like a booty call relationship. He doesn't comitt to her in any way, and they usually only spend every couple weekends together. Well, J has been having unprotected sex and has basically admitted that she would love to get pregnant. When she does, W (her guy) will totally man up and they will move in together. WTF!?!?! I am beyond angry with her behavior because (1) she is so incredibly immature and any baby that she has right now, I would feel horrible for. And (2) pregnancy may be the least of her worries, when she can't even say 100% that he's only with her.

She has burned all her bridges with everyone. She has no home, no job, no desire to get either one. She lives with different friends until they get sick of her. She finds people to mooch off of for things she wants. My parents are so sick of her that they are basically at the point of turning their back in her. She owes $$$$ to different people (Verizon, Car Insurance, Friends, Parents, Multiple Traffic Tickets) and when the heat was getting too much a few months ago, she ran away to Venezuela to where her biological father lives.

Well, J hasn't been there in probably 10 years so she is this perfect princess to them. She has been spoiled rotten since being there. They treat her like the princess she thinks she is and totally feeds into her mental illness'. A few weeks ago, her dad actually paid for her to have liposuction with body sculpting. Now J isn't as overweight as I am, but definitely over indulges and eats too much/never exercises. So he pays like 5K for this procedure that she didn't need, and that she will eat her way out of in a few months. Even dumber is she is trying to keep this surgery a secret but at the same time posting pics all over her FB account telling people that she worked herself into this shape!

So, yesterday, I find out, that when J asked her dad for this procedure, he told her that if he paid for it, he would be unable to send any money to our brother and his two kids for xmas. This brother (also a total loser) has no job and lives off the system in Canada. So what does she choose...the surgery! So now not only is it a immature and shallow decision, but it also took money from our niece and nephew who really could use it.

Yes, her father is also an ass for letting J choose to get a surgery instead of telling her 'no' and making sure all his kids get taken care of, but this is the man who physically/mentally/emotionally abused me for years, so his judgment really isn't something we can count on.

In addition to all the above, she has sent me multiple messages since being there about how wonderful her father is and how he loves me so much and doesn't understand why I have turned my back on him. He is a wonderful father and she just can't imagine how what I have said about him could possibly be true. Do you know how much something like this hurts? It's like I'm being victimized all over again by him. She has sure been sucked into the shallow and superficial life over there.

Anyway, I just needed to spew that somewhere. I am honestly at the point that I hope she stays over there. Her presence here will just be too chaotic on my parents and myself. I haven't posted everything about her, but with these recent behaviors it is obvious that she more ill/unstable than I previously thought. At this point I feel like shutting the door on her. She is a loose cannon and I don't need my kids to be exposed to that craziness.

Hopefully she will start to see her own behaviors and how they are sabotaging her life. Otherwise it will only get much worse for her.


****And I didn't even get to my other topic to rant about. I will leave it at this tonight, and maybe after a nights sleep won't feel the need to spew again...but don't count on it****

Frustration

I am steaming hot right now. So pissed that I could spit fire.

I actually had a FB "friend" send me a message tonight that if my news feeds were going to continue being about Scentsy, that she would have to de-friend me. WTF?

First off, I did post about Scentsy last week, when my party was open, to try and increase sales for my consultant. This was before I joined. In fact, since I joined I have posted one post...to announce my new endeavour, and about 4 or 5 posts about the kids. Is this a little much, perhaps, but this friend could easily have ignored my posts. I wasn't posting them to her, or sending them to her. They were my thoughts at that time that I shared with my 400+ friends.

Friends post things everyday which I don't agree with, things that offend me, views and opinions that I do not share. But you know what, those are theirs to post. It is their FB page and their right to post whatever they feel at that moment. If I don't like it I can ignore it, block it, or even defriend them, but it is absolutely not my place to send them a message to tell them to alter who they are. Obviously there are people out there who feel the need to control others. Well honey, you are on FB. There are no rules. There is no control. If you don't like it...crawl back into your hole and defriend me. I won't change for you...and I won't change for anyone else.

Is It Just Me...

Or do you find it rude when someone commits to something, and then backs out for frivolous reasons.

I admit that I take commitment to a high level. It is extremely important to me that you follow through with what you say you're going to do. Regardless of what that commitment is, if you say you're going to do it, and you don't, I have a really hard time maintaining a relationship with that person. Some of it I think is common courtesy, but I think I can also make it a bigger issue because of my trust issues.

Today was a perfect example. This Birthday Party that I mentioned yesterday. Long story, but we did end up going. The event was on FB so I could see that 8 people had RSVP'd. It was a Birthday/Playdate for a little boy who turned one yesterday. The invite went out about a month ago, and most the RSVP's had been there for a few weeks. Today, only me and one other person showed.

I felt horrible for E. She planned this event to celebrate her son's huge milestone and only 2 of her friends came. And I'll be honest, me and the other girl who came, aren't even that close of friends to her. Reasons others didn't come - Doctors Appointment; Other Appointment; Morning Got Busy; Child Not Feeling Well (totally understandable) and 2 who just didn't come. And the worse thing, they posted this on FB just this morning but never bothered calling E personally to tell her. So I actually was the one who mentioned it because I had to go on the page this morning for directions to her home.

To me this is incredibly rude and if this happened to me, I would be pissed. Those who had appointments had known about the party for weeks, and even if nothing could be done about the scheduling of said appointments, I'm sure they realized the conflict before this morning. Morning got busy - WTF?! And then 2 no shows...extremely rude.

I am so glad I went. It was pretty uncomfortable being there because of everyone who didn't show. I just hope her friends make it up to her. I know if I were her right now I would be pretty upset.

I Want to Hurt N

Back Story...

When the twins were one I made them each a small quilt with squares from memorable outfits from their first year. While K liked hers, but never really carried it around, S became super attached to his and it became his 'onnie'. He has carried that thing around from the age of one to present day. He sleeps with it, he plays with it and there is a fight every time we leave the house about how onnie needs to stay home. S even refers to it as 'he'. Like as in 'onnie needs to come in the car or he will get lonely'.

Well needless to say, this onnie is not in great shape. It's no longer the vibrant blue and other colors it was, it has many stains, rips and holes, but to me this is what gives it it's personality and what makes it all the more special to him. The blanket shows the love it has received.

Today, while at the hospital with K, N felt it was necessary to take the blanket apart so that she should crochet a new cover to it. WTF!!?? S's special onnie and she destroys it?? Something sentimental and special to both S and I and she takes it apart!! I am so livid. I almost started to cry. I just looked at her and said 'its not his onnie anymore. You should have asked me before touching it' and I walked away. I haven't said another word to her tonight because I can't. If she wanted to crochet something for S, fine, but don't involve the old one.

This is a perfect example of why it's hard to live with N. This has nothing to do with her dementia. This is her personality. Her way is the better way and she spends most of her time changing things when I'm not looking to fit her way. She saw a ratty blanket and took it upon herself to mess with it. She would never for a second think of talking to me about it first.

I'm sure the anger will fade, but right now I am just trying to figure out a way to save S's onnie :0(

Frustration Part One

Why part one you ask? Because I'm sure this will be the start of a long frustrating process.

I still haven't heard from the specialist for K's leg. I called her ortho doc back and he hadn't even sent the consult yet. He is waiting for his dictation to return!? WTF! Why do you need a typed up piece of paper to call a pediatric orthopedist and tell them they need to see my daughter. I let my feelings be known but I don't think it got very far. The crappy thing is this office is only open Monday and Wednesday. So, with next Monday being closed for the 4th of July holiday, it will most likely be next Wednesday before anyone is even called about K's leg.

I can already tell this is going to be a fun ride.

Ugh...Thanks for the Education

My mom watched the kids this past Sunday while I worked. While watching them she watched one of her true crime shows. You know the Dateline, 48 Hour Mystery ones where the wives kill their husbands. Well I guess the twins were with her because they started asking about 'killing' and my mom gave them a whole lesson on death. She included a lot of stuff like everyone dies; you get buried in a box; you die when your older, etc. This was not a good thing.

K has been worried since. She has asked me a few times if she's getting older. She worries that she will die before she can get a job or be a mommy. She said today that she needs to find a husband because if she doesn't, there will be no one to bury her when she dies. Many of these concerns are expressed while she is tearful and visibly worried.

I told my mom today what has been going on and my mom has the nerve to say that K has an anxiety problem and maybe needs counselling or medication! WTF? She's four and was given way too much information on a subject she can't process right now. I asked my mom not to do that again. She stated she wasn't going to lie to the kids. I told her I didn't expect her to lie, but the information she provides needs to be age appropriate. My mom just didn't understand and said I was shielding the kids from reality.

What is even more aggravating is the last time she watched them, my mom watched one of these shows involving a pregnant woman who was abducted and her baby stolen from her womb. How do I know this? K told me in vivid detail the story, peoples names, who went to jail etc. I talked to my mom after this incident and expressed some concern. K is a very smart little girl and is very aware of what is said around her. She sucks up everything like a sponge and I don't want her little head filled with this crap.

Sigh...why are mothers so difficult. I don't remember watching this kind of stuff when I was four?