And....My Mom

So, since J has started dating Jo, my mother has been acting bazaar. She is obsessed with the relationship and is constantly trying to place herself into it. It's weird. It's strange. I don't know what is going on.

First, since day one my mom has been asking when he will start to support J. Before they were even officially dating, J needed a car and was staying here because she has no home. My mom constantly pushed J to ask Jo to buy her a car and rent her an apartment near him. J continued to push against this, which seemed to anger my mother. When they became 'official' my mom asked when J would be moving in with him. When J pushed back with this, my mom would go on these long diatribes about how a man supports his woman, she if this relationship was serious they would move in together. Mom kept saying how a long distance relationship would never work and continued to harp on moving in together or him renting her a place near by. For reference shake, they do live in separate towns. J usually stays here and Jo lives in a city about 1h15m from here.

If this wasn't bad enough, my mom wants an egagement by February. Yep, I said February. I have no idea why this is so important, or really why it's any of her business, but it's an obsession of hers. With EVERY conversation she and my sister has my mom brings this back up. 'When are you getting married?'...'When are you moving there?' 'Do you have a ring yet?'. It's ridiculous. She is 21 years old and has her whole life ahead of her. If you were her mother would you want her rushing into marriage? Did I mention they only met in October??

If the questions and harassment aren't enough, my mom has become very manipulative. She will cry when talking to J saying she is being left out of the relationship. Why doesn't J bring Jo around more. If your mother was saying the things she was, would you want to bring the boyfriend around? J (and I) are pretty worried about what my mom would say to him as she isn't shy to share her feelings. If J doesn't share personal information about their relationship, or share details about Jo's life - life income, lifestyle etc - she gets mad and will scream and tell J she's a liar or crazy. My mom has even gone as far as to say she needs to get engaged and married now before my grandparents die (they're old, but nothing is wrong with them) because to deny them of seeing that would be selfish. O.M.G.

My mom spends a lot of time researching him online. She knows weird details about him like childhood stuff, even found a picture of him as a child and now has it on display in the house. Her FB feed is covered with stuff about Jo. Most posts reference him, the games, or if J sends her any texts or pictures of them, it get put right up on her wall.

Also, during fights with J, it she has made some statements about my choice of not getting married which are kind of hurtful. Like somehow unless you get married you can't possibly be normal, and not doing so is a selfish choice. Everything my mother says though, comes back to her. We are denying her of a daughter being married. J is denying her access to the relationship. In addition if I ever try to tell her how crazy she sounds she attacks me saying I don't know anything about relationships. Well, I think that's crap, but even if true, her relationship track record...how is that better than mine?

So, this behaviour is driving me nuts for several reasons. I have to hear J freak out over it every night. I have to hear it sometimes. J is actually in the only relationship I have ever though an ounce of positivity about and I am afraid that my mom is going to screw it up. I also worry about my mom. This isn't normal, so why is she acting like this. I know she has been more depressed lately - always that way in the winter. She is also not working right now so she has a lot of time on her hands. I also think there is some weird jealousy thing going on with her sisters. She flat out denies it, but I think it plays a part.

My mom and two of her sisters had baby girls all around the same time, so there are 3 cousins that are all within a year of eachother. Last year one, K announced an engagement. She is engaged to a very wealthy boy. Well, his family is wealthy, not sure about the boy. In fact, they aren't even married yet and the family has bought them a large home as a wedding present. K's mom is the Aunt of mine who is very superficial and materialistic, so I'm sure she couldn't be happier. My mom and her were speaking until a few months ago, so my thoughts are that she said something hurtful to my mom, probably related to K's engagement, and that has set off my mom. The other girl, T, has gotten into a significant relationship and has moved in with her boyfriend. Both of these events took place a few months before J started dating Jo. My belief is my mom is completely jealous, and has a intense need to one up her sisters (at least K's mom) to prove something. Unfortunately J get to be the victim of that insanity.

So if you read through all that - wow - and now I'm sure you think my family is crazier than ever. I hope we can find a way to break through to my mom soon. I really think if this doesn't stop one of two things will happen. (1) J will cave to all the stress/pressure and the best relationship, and potentially a great future husband, will all come crashing down. Or (2) J will become tired of all the bullshit and she will cut off ties with my mom. Neither one is good.

And as crazy as I thought she was acting as I type this up I realize that she is so much worse than I have been thinking. It sounds like my mom is a loon.