N...

So let me introduce my blog world to N. N is my 82yo senile great-aunt who lives with me. There are days I want to run screaming from the house.

When the twins were first born, N who lived in FL was found on her front porch. She was incoherent and couldn't even walk on her own. The docs still don't really know what happened, but it was clear she could no longer live on her own. We my mom offered to take her in instead of her going to a nursing home. So when the twins were 7 weeks, we drove down to FL to pick up N. She initially went to my mom's house but, as typical for my mom, she couldn't deal with it much longer then a few months. At about that same time I realized that physically and mentally I could not continue to work full time with infant twins. So, N came to live with me. After a few months N actually came around both physically and mentally. She was able to keep up with minor housework and enjoyed playing with the twins.

The only problem with her 'coming around' is that she was now much more intrusive into my life. Per my family, N has always been a very controlling, obnoxious person. I guess due to the dementia, this behaviour has only amplified. She constantly picks on things I do, say or wear. I ignore it because I can, but I feel horrible for my nanny Q. Q has to sit here all day and listen to her. N thinks she is in control and tried to tell Q every little thing. She controls what she feeds the kids, how she dresses the twins, even stupid things like how you should brush S's hair. UGH! I am constantly telling N to butt out of Q's business and that I completely trust her decisions, but it doesn't seem to do any good.Q is such a godsend for me and if N ever runs her off I'm in real trouble.

The other thing is N has a nice little pad. She has the master bedroom. She has her own bathroom. In her room is even a little sitting area with a chair and TV. She is never in there. I would love it if just a few hours a day she went into her room and stayed out of what I was doing. Part of the problem with her being so controlling is she is also very nosey and can't stand to be out of the loop. It is even at the point that if I have friends over I hang out in my bedroom because she will sit right there on the couch next to us when we are trying to have a visit. I get the sense from several of my friends that they are uncomfortable being here.

As her caretaker I am also responsible for trying to keep her healthy. She is overweight and has issues with her cholesterol. So she is supposed to be on a diet. Well I cook for that diet but she is constantly sneaking the kids food. I have gone so far as to put it all in a box up on the top shelf and she still reaches it. I mean my kids deserve to have some snacks in the house without her getting into them all the time. I also found out recently that she has Q buy her cookies and bring them into her each week. WTF?? I constantly see her with food in her pockets and she will hide in the kitchen trying to sneak around. Nothing drives me more crazy then people who deliberately tries to hide things. And then when called out on it, she flat out lies.

The other thing is she will not accept her limitations. I constantly tell her not to carry the kids around. Don't' run around the table chasing the toddler. Don't go near the stairs. Anytime I say something like this, she goes out of her way to do it!! Last year she got into a snit because I wouldn't let her go upstairs. Then one day she fell down the stairs and broke her ankle. She had to spend 2 months in rehab! She gets angry when I get a babysitter when I go out. She doesn't understand why she can't babysit. She spends most of her day trying to prove me wrong.

Okay so I know this post makes me sound hateful, but I dare anyone to take in a demented family member and then you tell me how you feel after 2 years. I know a lot of people have also said well she doesn't know better, but that's the thing, she does. Yes she suffers from dementia but her meds control her and she knows exactly what she's doing and knows that some of the things she does is wrong.

Okay, maybe this rant will let me feel better for a day or two. It's funny because when people ask me how many kids I have, I usually respond that I live with three toddlers.