Holy F'ing Shit!!

I know I have been self destructive. I know I have been out of control. I know I have been eating way beyond what any normal person should. What I didn't know was that in the last 2 months, my behaviour has gained me twenty pounds. I am so disgusted with myself. I hate myself. I don't even know where to go from here.


I have to do something. I have decided to call my regular doctor and change my meds. Obviously what I'm on is not controlling my depression and anxiety. I just hope that I don't end up getting the run around. My GP not wanting to prescribe anything, referring me to a psychologist who charges me tons of money and won't prescribe me anything without the therapy. I just don't have the time or patience for the run around.

I might even start going back to my nutritionist. She seemed to help me. She kept me honest and accountable.

The reason I found out what I weighed is because I had a neuro appointment today to follow up my MS. My doc was impressed with how well I was doing. He said my neuro exam was completely normal and that unless I had problems I didn't need to see him again for 6-8 months. We talked about me TTC and all he said was that he recommended going off my meds while pregnant but that he knew many moms who stayed on it while pregnant and he didn't know of any issues. I am still undecided as to what I will do. I Have decided though that I need to get to a certain weight before TTC so January may not be in the cards after all.

I have three dinners and two events in the next week or so, so I have decided come October 1st a major diet will hit this house and hopefully by early next year I will be where I should be.

On other news, I'm pretty sure tomorrow will be CD1 so I will start charting, temping and using OPK's in an attempt to learn my cycles as well as I can so that when I TTC it will be as quick as possible. Hopefully I can get my life back on track before then.