Put Your Hand Up if You're a Binge Eater...

So I am supposed to be on a diet. I am supposed to be losing weight. I am supposed to be exercising. Am I doing any of it? NOPE.

I just can't get motivated and it's kind of scary. I lost 90 pounds last year and now I seem to be doing anything I can to ruin that. The last few weeks I have been binging almost every other day. All I do is think about food and where I will get my next 'fix'. It sounds crazy but I totally feel like some crack addict who is always trying to figure out how to score. I also enjoy the eating, but as soon as I am done I hate myself and feel like shit.

Emotionally I don't feel great which I am sure is part of the problem, but I need to figure out how to light a fire under my ass. I mean now all the holidays are coming and it will be unlikely that I will be able to stick to anything 100% of the time.

I have also said I need to be at a certain weight to TTC again and instead of getting closer, I am getting farther away. WTF? I often wonder why if I want a baby so bad, I cant get my ass in gear and lose this weight? Part of me thinks I subconsciously don't think I can handle another baby so it's my own way of sabotaging it? How screwed up is that!