Anxiety 2.0

I reached my breaking point yesterday. Wow. For a few weeks this anxiety has been drilling away. Weighing down my shoulders, causing heaviness in my chest and causing moments of panic throughout the day. A few times I felt like I was about to cry...but even after giving myself 'permission' not a tear would come. There were days where I felt like if I could just cry, I would feel so much better.

Well, yesterday the tears finally came. OMG did they ever come. Big, messy, sobbing, hyperventilating, snotty, puffy eyes, and burning cheeks kind of cry. It was about so many things.

This new adventure I am trying...
The school work that is currently kicking my ass...
The job which has a weird vibe right now...
The knowledge that my best friend is no longer visiting this summer...
And being away from my children for far too long...

I'm sure there were other things too, but these were my predominate thoughts during my breakdown. I actually got to a point where I didn't want to be alone - which right now I am since there are no children in the house. And, of course my list of friends who I can rely on has severely diminished recently - another cause for the breakdown. Luckily one friend, who was busy and couldn't physically be with me, was able to talk with me for awhile and I was able to calm down and even laughed some near the end of the conversation.

Today, while I am still weighed down, I do feel better. I do think that cry was very therapeutic and I released a lot of the pent up frustration. Of course all those listed stressors haven't gone anywhere so the stress is still there. I will continue to work through them, but maybe now that I've had that great big cry, I won't feel so overwhelmed.

Here's to managing a little better and not feeling the weight of the world on my shoulders!!