30 Weeks

Yep...today I am 30 weeks pregnant. That means roughly 7-10 more weeks and I'll be holding my little guy in my arms.

Work is getting so hard. Each week is more difficult with feelings like I'm just not going to make it. Pregnant and fat just doesn't work with running up and down hallways and caring for every whim and desire for 5 to 6 sick people. As of right now, I am planning on working 7 more weeks, two of these being out of staffing working on the unit schedule. Keep me in your thoughts that I actually make it these next 7 weeks.

I am also starting to experience feelings of fear and worry. With the twins I was never nervous. I don't know why. I mean I knew how the birth process could be. Maybe they made me so darned miserable inside that I had no worries about how they were going to be leaving. This time I sometimes start to worry a little about this natural, vaginal birth I am asking for. Do I really know what I'm doing? Can I really do this? What happens when they pain is so bad I want to die, but it's too late for medications? You know...the usual stuff I imagine.

As far as after the babies birth, I really don't worry about adding the third to the mix. I figure the four of us will figure out how to navigate our new life. The twins will have a transition and there will be some challenges, but overall I believe will be okay. Although I will still be tired, I will love my new infant to pieces and take in every minute. But I do have one major worry here too....BREAST FEEDING! I was not successful at all with the twins. They didn't want to latch and I didn't have the patience to keep trying. About 10 days after their birth I gave up and went to pumping. I really want a good experience this time, with mostly breastfeeding (obviously bottle when I go back to work) for the first year at least. I did sign up for a breastfeeding class this go round, I have the number to a good lactation consultant and I am more determined to make it work this time. Hopefully these changes will make a difference this time.

So all in all I'm doing pretty normal. I do enjoy being pregnant more now, although I'm still ready to be done. Max is very active and keeps my belly moving for hours at a time. The twins are getting impatient and so is mommy. Hopefully not too long before we all get to meet this little guy.