Madilyn

Maddy, my first 'child' had to be put down on Monday.

Maddy would have been 13 on Saturday. I found her at the pound when she was just a few weeks old. I brought her home and loved her more than I loved any other living thing. I had wanted a child for so long but knew I needed to get other things in place for that to happen, so in the mean time, Maddy filled that void.

She was a great dog. She was very skittish initially. She hated men and didn't like children much. She grew into a good dog though. She was very bright, well trained and I believe saw herself as more of a human than animal. She was spoiled rotten. The focus of all my xmas cards, recipient of all the best vet care, toys, collars, treats leashes etc. It got so bad that every time a package came to the house she got excited, because usually the contents were for her.

When she was young she was diagnosed with a pretty severe hip dysplagia. They said she would need hip replacements by 5 years old. She was placed on some medicines for pain and often her mobility was impacted. Within a few years she seemed to compensate and didn't need the drugs again, nor did she seem to have difficulty walking.

Then...HUGE reality check for Maddy...arrival of not one but two babies. I do feel some guilt about her loss of status; her reduction in attention and priority in my life. But, I can only do so much. She still had everything she needed...just the frills went away. Of course, this drop in status occurred again with M's arrival and some days it was a job just to remember if she had been fed or not.

About 2 months ago I left Maddy at my parents house while I travelled. She ended up staying with them. I am gone all day and at my parents home she had my mom all day, as well as their two dogs. I felt good about leaving her there because I knew she was getting more attention than I could give.

S, had a little harder time with it. He was really the only one of the three who had attached to Maddy. He claimed her as his own and liked to make her do tricks and take care of her. When my parents visited this past Sunday, they brought Maddy and S begged me to let her stay here again. I told him no and explained why. He understood, got his iPod and took her picture.

That day my parents had mentioned taking Maddy to the vet and the worsening problems she was having with pain, her hips and her teeth. They asked me what my decision would be if the vet suggested euthenasia. I told them I would be ok with it. We left it at that, and a few hours later they left.

The next morning I received a text at work saying Maddy was gone. I had no idea they were even taking her Monday. It was a little bit of a shock that it played out so quickly, but I knew it was the right decision. I allowed myself to cry for a few minutes, and then went on. I told the kids that night. S was ok. He said he was glad he took a picture of Maddy the day before. K, well in her very typical self, suggested that we now get a cat.

I think it was a very good thing that Maddy had been with my parents the last two months. I would have never been able to be present while they put her down, and I think since she had already been halfway removed from our lives, the kids weren't as upset with her death. Now, when they go to my mom's house in a few weeks and she's not there, they may get upset, but I think it would have been much worse for them if Maddy had been with us here until the end.

In the end, she really was the 'perfect' dog with her demeanor and personality. I got very lucky. For now though I have enough to focus on, so we will remain a pet-free home. Maybe when my three little monsters are older, and I need to fill that void again I can venture into pet parenthood again.