I'm Really Worried About My Dad

My dad suffers from colitis and the last two months has had a really difficult time with it. The doctor decided to do a colonoscopy this past Monday to check things out. It didn't look good. The area of the colon from the cecum to the rectum is in bad shape and has tumor growth through out. The rest of his colon has multiple polyp growths.

They took multiple biopsies and we will get the pathology report back sometime next week. I am terrified that this is cancer. Every male in my father's family dies by the time they are 60 with some sort of GI cancer. My dad is 51.

So we sit and wait. My mom is going crazy with worry - she tends to be very anxious and manic anyway so this is sending her over the edge. My dad who is the total opposite has not real reaction just yet. I imagine he is waiting until he knows. Even if it's not cancer, there is a possibility that they would need to remove that section of colon and place a colostomy. While of course this is better than cancer, I worry what this would do to my dad emotionally. He is very active and spends most of the summer in their cabin in the mountains. He lives in the lake. I just don't see him coping very well with a colostomy.

And then of course I worry not just about him or us but the kids. The boys are so attached to him it's crazy. Selfishly I worry what the possibilities would be like for the kids.

Anyway, please keep him in your thoughts. I am really anxious to hear these results.

Adoption Fundraiser

Just a reminder that there is currently a Scentsy Sale going on to benefit Tammy and her journey through adoption. If you are interested in purchasing this month, please use the link below and 20% off all sales will go to Tammy and Mark.

Click Here

And to read about her long journey, click Here

Post Shag

All three kids were looking rather shaggy. It had been awhile since they had their hair cut. After the party off we went. K got her bangs cut and hair trimmed, so not much of a change for her. S got a bunch of hair cut off, but it was mostly off the back so it isn't as noticeable. Mook had a bunch of hair taken off and sadly it made him look like a little boy. I need to hold onto that baby as long as I can!!

Pre Cut Shag from Last Week

Post Hair Cut (and Ridiculously Dirty)

PARTY!!

We had a Birthday Party today. It was the 5th Birthday for R, who is S's 'girlfriend'. They hadn't seen eachother in quite sometime so it was cute to see them together again. S acted kind of weird at the beginning but settled in. One of the great things was it was held at the kids old gymnastics gym. It was so nice to come back and play, but also bittersweet since we all realized how much we missed it. On my list of priorities is to come up with money to do this again.

The kids had a great time. They got to play on all the 'cool' things including the big trampoline where they were harnessed and could 'fly' in the air. M had a good time too although much of it was spent running away from me.

Intentional Defiance

Do you ever want to run out and do something just because someone tells you, or assumes you can't?

Okay, I know that sounds immature, but sometimes it's how I feel. Today I heard my grandparents talking. I don't even know what about, but something must have been mentioned about me having more kids and they responded "Oh gosh no, she won't have any more"

Really?

It was kind of a puzzling response because I have never, ever talked to them about any of my TTC plans. I never went to them before the twins nor M and I haven't once mentioned my intentions since M. I assume they said it because they are old fashioned and probably don't really understand why I've done what I've done to this point, but it still really rubbed me the wrong way. And of course they aren't the first person I have heard say this. I have heard my mom also declare my 'being done' even though I HAVE told her that I would like more.

Maybe they think if they tell me enough that I'm done, or convince me that I can't have another I will start to believe them and truly be done. Well, the immature child in me wants to go run out and get pregnant just to 'show them!'

Of course I would never do that. Am I done? I don't know. I might be. Everyone here knows I want more, but also knows that I have several requirements for that to happen, and they haven't yet. In a few years I may decide I am done, or I may be pregnant again, but the only ones who will play a part in that decision will be me, and the needs of the three children I have now. NO ONE ELSE.

SCORE!!

A friend of mine was getting rid of her daughter's dollhouse and I jumped at the chance to take it. As you may recall I was a huge doll/barbie/baby fan as a child and I have always had dreams of living vicariously through K. This house may give me some of that.

I will say though, that I think I am more excited about it than K. K is odd when it comes to toys. She doesn't really play with them. She is more about physical play, dress up, interactive play. She rarely will sit and play with a toy. I was hoping this might change her a little, but I'm beginning to have my doubts.

I guess this was the best way to guage her interest. At least if she's not interested I'm not out the several hundred dollars this would have cost me new. I will keep it around for a few years and use it as a 'decoration' in her new room. Maybe one day she will change her mind, and if not, maybe I can sneak in there some days and play with it myself :0)

Hot Tub Fun

Today we went to my parent's house for the day. My grandparents are here from Florida and since my house is so chaotic we usually focus most of the events at my mom's. We had a good time visiting with everyone and the kids liked the few gifts they got as well as the extra attention.

The twins are in love with Grandma's hot tub. They jumped in the second they got there and stayed out there for hours. Bad mama goes to me because I forgot the sunscreen and both of them ended up with sunburned shoulders :o( Not good, but considering this is their first burn, I guess I did pretty good. Anyway, at one point S poured his bubbles into the hot tub - oops. Luckily Grandpa was planning on exchanging the water the next day, because this made quite the mess. It was pretty funny to watch though. At one point the bubbles we so high I could barely find all four people in the tub.

Dear Onnie

When S was one I made him a quilt. It was made of little squares of his first year outfits. His first swimsuit, first blankie, first Christmas Outfit etc. I put my blood sweat and tears into it and S must have appreciated it. It became his security blanket. He carried it everywhere. Slept with it; dragged it into the car; shoved it into overnight bags and backpacks. One of his favorite things to do was look at his baby book and find the square of the outfit he was wearing in each photo.

Over the years it has taken a beating. We have lost squares (:o(), the seams have come apart and the stains have set in. Some days I looked at it with pain in my heart, that this memento of his first year was so tattered, but I tried to look at it with love. Something I made for S meant the world to him and brought him the comfort he needed.

Today, we finally retired 'Onnie'. It wasn't because I felt S was too old or didn't need it anymore. I was worried that any further 'love' would result in the blanket completely falling apart and nothing would be salvageable. While S still used his onnie for comfort, he also now has a pillow and stuffed lizard that he's attached to. After a brief talk, S agreed that it was time to put onnie away. There was only one condition. I put it in his box and when S has a child of his own, I have to give it back so he can give it his child. This was S's condition and it further melted my heart.

The picture of Onnie doesn't do it justice. It is far worse off than the picture shows. It's new home is in a plastic ziplock bag. Hopefully it will survive the next time we try to remove it.

Goodbye Onnie. We loved you and I'm sure a little boy will miss you some nights. We will bring you out again and remember you fondly and once again be reminded of my sweet boy's first year.

(BTW K had one made too but never attached to hers like S. I have all the stuff to make M's but like everything else, haven't gotten around to making it.)

A Sad Day

Today was the historic Casey Anthony verdict. She was found not guilty of every charge regarding the death of her daughter. While I don't think the case was ever made to find her guilty of first degree murder with the death penalty, I believe there was more than enough to find her guilty of the lesser charges and give her life in prison.

Very sad. No justice for that little girl.

Happy Fourth of July

Messy Boy