A Punch to the Gut

Have you ever been up to receive something, and at the time really didn't seem to care, until you found out that you didn't get it?

A few months ago my supervisors told me that they were nominating me for a work related award. It is very prestigious but I usually don't get sucked into that kind of stuff. I gave them the info they needed and didn't think too much about it. As time went by though, my supervisors were really optimistic about me getting this award and telling me the things to expect. Even last week, when the awards were to be announced they were 'teasing' me about it. I guess I let my guard down and started to think I might actually get it.

Well, tonight when I opened my work email, they had sent out the list of winners, and I wasn't on it. I am really depressed, but more so angry that I allowed myself to get excited about it. I guess this feeling tonight is exactly why I don't let myself get excited about crap like this.

Two other nurses on my unit did win this award. They are good nurses but don't put in near as much 'extra' work as I do. I know my immediate supervisors appreciate and acknowledge everything I do, but it would be nice if once in awhile someone else acknowledged it too. It seems as though in the last 10 years I have always gone above and beyond in many respects, but I have never gotten anywhere for it. If I had to put together a resume now, there would be nothing that I could show that would symbolize all that I have done.

And can I say how bad the timing is that a friend just posted on my FB wall that she is looking for someone in her company, more specifically a registered nurse with oncology experience? I might just look into it.