My mind daily waivers back and forth on whether or not to pursue an adoption to add baby #4 to the mix. If I go with my heart, I am 100% on board with having another. I love being a mother more than anything and I have always wanted four children.
My mind is not so sure. I DO NOT want to be pregnant. I don't do pregnancy very well. I am tired, sick and miserable and it just wouldn't be fair to subject the twins to that again, as well as Max with him being so young. I do want to adopt. I have always wanted to adopt, in fact, it was never important to me to have biological children in the beginning. I started my journey with adoption and had it been successful, may have never turned to TTC.
There are a few considerations to adoption. I cannot afford the high costs of international and domestic adoption. Add to that, that many international locations are closed to singles, and that a birth mom probably wouldn't chose a single mom household with three children already, so my choices are pretty limited. The route that would most likely work would be foster to adopt, but there is just soooooo much risk in it.
This is the program in which I lost my Zach. One week before parental termination would start, his parents removed him from me and gave him to someone else. This could happen again. Many other things could happen. I don't know if I can emotionally handle it, or if it would be fair to subject the twins to that.
I tell myself that this time I wouldn't be so 'desperate' because I have children now. I am no longer dependant on them to become a mom. I would be very clear with what I wanted and while it might take longer for a placement, maybe once I get a placement they will stay.
I literally go back an forth daily.
Add to that, right now I have at least 4 friends actively pursuing adoption. I read and listen to their stories and I am envious that I can't be in the process with them. Two of these friends were unable to have children of their own and would probably be shocked to know that I am a little jealous of them right now.
I need to come up with a plan. If I do have another child I want him/her to be close in age to Max. I know the county is starting the required classes again in January and I'm thinking I need to make my decision by then. Either I jump in feet first and start the process, or decide that my family is done growing and stop focusing on the possibility of a fourth.
So...3 months. That's how long I have to make my decision. This should be interesting...
April 2022
2 years ago
3 comments on "Still Undecided"
Would you be open to adopting a child whose parental rights have already been terminated? This child would not be a baby, but at least that risk would be removed. I know a whole new set of problems do go along with that as well.
I would definitely want an infant less than the age of one. Sadly once a child is free for adoption, they have been in the system long enough that they will forever be affected by it. Most infants who enter the system and end up adopted are adopted by the family who fosters them. So, for a child that would work for my family, I would have to be open to the risk.
You KNOW that I am behind you whatever you decide.... Unfortunately, ONLY you can make this call. I say GO WITH YOUR HEART. Truly, it WILL guide you... :)
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