Struggles

This time of year, it seems like everyone starts to struggle. Financially, emotionally, physically, and spiritually. For the most part I love this time of year, but I hate to not only struggle myself, but see those around me struggle.

Financially. Sigh. Every year I use my tax refund slowly through out the year to help cover any shortages that come up month to month. Even with the extra money source I have a very tight budget. Part of that has to do with two key decisions I have made. 1.) I am only working part time. 2.) I have an in-home nanny instead of using a daycare. Both of these choices require sacrifices and creative spending, but they are choices that I don't regret. I LOVE being home with my kids more often than not. I have been able to work part time since the twins were born. Being home 4 or 5 days a week; being able to participate in day to day activities and bringing the kids to multiple play dates and outings have made this decision more than worth it in my opinion. The choice to use our nanny Q, is another decision I would never take back, and after seeing some infant daycare's recently, there is no way I can't go back to work full time and put M in one of those. So, at least for now, I will continue to use Q and work part time.

This year though I have had many unexpected financial burdens. Air conditioner going out three times and K's leg surgery just to name two. As such, my extra cash source has run dry. What a crappy time for that to happen. Luckily I had pretty much bought the twins all the Christmas gifts they were going to get. So until February when I get my refund, things will be EXTRA tight around here. I am selling old toys and other things to help pay for M's first birthday party. We won't be eating out or going anywhere special. Just good old simple living for the next few months.

Of course this extra burden effect my emotional/mental state. I feel more stressed and anxious. I don't want my kids to ever feel like they go without or that there are financial troubles. And believe me when I say, that at this point, there is NOTHING they have ever gone without. I try to look at this time as a good thing for us to simplify life and get into a more frugal way of living, without buying all the extra 'crap' that none of us really need. Honestly, even once I get my refund, I am thinking I will continue this way of living and maybe work to pay off my debts. As long as no big unexpected expense comes up...I should be okay.

Physically is another struggle for me...but one that is not unique to this time of year. My MS still seems to be controlled. No obvious problems. My weight on the other hand...I don't even want to talk about it. Right now my plan is to start a major diet January 2011. I know what you're thinking...why wait two months. Well, I know that the Holidays will not be good for me. I figure if I start now I will just set myself up for failure. So...right now, January it is. Of course, without the extra cash and the frequent fast food/convenience eating, I may start to loose a little without really trying.

Sleep is another area in which I need to do SOMETHING! I can't fall asleep before 1am. On the days I have to wake up at 5:30a to go to work I am dying! And that's not even considering that Max is now waking several times a night to nurse. When I don't work I nap once or even twice a day depending on what Max does. I am always tired. I never have any energy. This started late in my pregnancy with Max and never got any better. I need to fix this. I don't think I can be successful with losing weight if I don't get a handle on this as well.

Sorry for this long diatribe of crap. Just had to spew this out there. Get it off my chest. Maybe it will make me feel a little better :0)