How Things Change

Today was supposed to be the day we celebrated the upcoming arrival of baby Jordan. Instead it is a reminder of what this world has lost...a beautiful baby boy.

There has not been a day in the last 4 weeks that I have not thought about J and her family. I send her little messages each day so that she knows she is still loved, but more importantly to know that the outside world hasn't forgot and just moved on. Yes, our pain is minuscule compared to hers and her family, but we still feel it.

Yesterday I was reminded just how strong our emotions and love can be for those we love. I was doing M's wash and got a strong smell of the Dreft detergent and my mind and heart immediately went to Zach. Although I have used Dreft for the twins and M, the first time I smelled the scent was with Zach. When I lost him I would lay in his room and hold his clothes and soft toys for hours, smelling this smell. 5 and a half years and three kids later, a simple smell can stop me in my tracks and remind me of the loss and ache I feel for my first son.

She has said that she doesn't want to be thought of as 'that woman who lost a child'. I don't see her that way at all. I see J as a close friend, a wonderful person, and an amazing mom of four lucky boys who has suffered an immeasurable loss. She is a strong woman, who will never 'get over' her loss, but rather find a way to cope; find a way to live her new life with the joy, love, caring and compassion she had before. And while I'm sure she doubts this at times, I am confident that in time it will happen.