So Depressed

I think I was actually starting to feel down on Saturday. I was lethargic and tired and just blamed it on a long week. Sunday started no different, and then the afternoon shock just sent me further down. Today it was all I could do to care for the kids and stay out of bed.

I just sit and think about my friend. About how unfair this is. About the fear and shock they endured while having that final ultrasound. About how excruciating being in labor in 15 hours knowing what the outcome would be. About how she is coping now, at home with all her family around her, yet probably feeling so alone and empty. My mind is obsessed with these thoughts.

It sounds as though J was lost due to an umbilical clot. Her condition, nor her meds should have caused this, so it is what a thought, a total freak thing. To me this makes it all the more tragic as she had managed her other problems so well only to be blindsided by this. Its not fucking fair.

I have sat here all day crying and mourning for my friend. I am angry, shocked and saddened and knowing that she has these same feelings but multiplied by a thousand hurts me even more as I can't imagine how she is handling the pain. After a few days of seclusion, I'm sure her strength will pull her through. She is a wonderful mom and will get up and keep moving for them. Her three other children will be what keeps her going, keeps her waking up and keeps her from falling to pieces. I just hope that while caring for and enabling the healing process for them, she still cares for herself and allows herself time as well.

Still keep her and her family in your thoughts and/or prayers. I know she appreciates it.