Does Anyone Else Worry...

Lately I have been thinking a lot about how fast the twins are growing. They are starting school this year and have made the transition from toddler/preschooler to child. They aren't my babies anymore. They are growing up.

Well this has me worried. Not just for the simple fact of I want my babies to stay my babies forever, but I worry about parenting kids and teens. When I imagine the future with me and three teens I start to panic a little.

I am a good baby/toddler mama. I love babies and toddlers. All my life I have found ways to surround myself with them. I babysat for families with small children. My mom ran a home daycare and I always stuck with the little ones. I enjoy everything about them, I connect with them, I find great reward when being with them.

I have never really felt that way around older kids, so of course it worries me. Now, logically I know that these are my kids, so of course I will love to be with them and find tons of reward with them, but I worry that I won't be a good parent to them. That I will be more impatient, less able to deal with the challenges.

I have spoken to many moms who are the opposite. They love having kids. The of course have babies because that's what you need to do to get the kids :0) but they say they really start to enjoy things when the child is older. I haven't ever spoken to a mom who says she feels what I do. Maybe it's more taboo. I mean after all I am admitting that I don't look forward to parenting my own children. What mother says that?

It doesn't help that my siblings are so screwed up. My parents barely survived the teens years with them. I remind myself that I only share 50% of my DNA with them (they have a different father...who is a complete psycho) so my kids only share 25% with them. That without that psycho influence they will probably me typical teens...but that doesn't make me feel better because even typical teens are difficult.

So, of course there is nothing I can do about this. S, K and even M will grow up. They will become pre-teens, teens and eventually move out. I can only go along with the ride and hope that I change and grow with them. I'm fairly confident that in the end we will all come out of it okay, but I still worry.