I Think I am Leaning Back Towards TTC

Last Monday there was an adoption workshop that I needed to attend to start the process. Due to several reasons I didn't go. But surprisingly, even to me, one of the reasons was that I was really being pulled towards TTC again, and away from adoption.

Adoption is such a shot in the dark. I can go through all the classes. I can bring infant after infant into my home with none staying; some undoubtedly being difficult placements. These children could be drug exposed, poor prenatal care, the children of mentally ill parents, etc. These factors were starting to weigh on me, while at the same time I would look at the three children who are beautiful, healthy and perfect. (I know...slight bias)

So what I need to deal with. .

1. I need to acquire vials. I know someone with MANY. The only catch, she has yet to start TTC. So I would have to wait until she starts the process, gets pregnant and then feel comfortable enough to sell me some.
2. I need to lose weight. I have not lost any of the weight from M's pregnancy and we all know that I started off very big before that.
   
3. I need to continue to work on my finances. Life doesn't seem to be going along with that plan as it keeps throwing curves at me, but I am determined.
   
4. And finally there are two things I need to come to terms with. First, I need to accept that I will once again be pregnant. I am thinking about going through the most miserable 40 weeks of my life...again. I will have 3 kids to care for. Can I physically and mentally do this again. And second, I need to accept that I could have another son. I have mentioned before that I REALLY want another daughter. There is a 50% chance that that won't happen. Is that okay? If I have another boy will I continue to want more or will I be happy with stopping at 4 children? (and BTW....4 is my absolute maximum!!)

So, since it will be a little bit before I will even have access to vials, I have time to work through that list. I really did want M and the fourth child to be close in age, but I guess I can't have everything I want in life. Hopefully within a year to 18 months I will be on the TTC path again.

****Aside****
I finally got my repair total. It sucks, but not near as high as I was fearing. I had told myself that if the bill was over $1000 I would have to cancel our trip to Texas and there would be no other 'fun'. The bill came under that amount so we are still on for our Summer trip. Just keep your fingers crossed not nothing else gets in the way.