$390

Nice eh?

This is how much I earned in the Mom of Multiples Sale. I have sold in this sale a few years now, and this is the most I have ever made. I am not only glad that I made a good chunk of change, but also oh so happy that the stuff is out of my house. An added benefit is I only spent about $20. Usually I spend close or more than I make, but this time I held my spending in check. I got the twins a matching shirt set and some books. I actually looked for some infant stuff but there wasn't much to choose from.

Now, do I put it towards some boring bills...or splurge? I'm thinking a little of both :)

Don't Ya Hate It

When every little twinge, cramp or tender spot is interpreted to be something much more then it really is? Gosh, I just don't remember doing this when TTC the twins. I wasn't as educated in the process and maybe I figured it would never really work, but I just remember doing it and then going about my life until it was time to test. I didn't even test until it was time. Now I am thinking "When is the earliest I can test?"

Yesterday I was very crampy, bloated and was very tender in about the area my uterus would be. I even gagged at something yesterday which I don't do. I went from thinking "Crap I haven't even ovulated yet" to "It's nothing related to TTC" to "Maybe this is implantation?" HA! I'm driving myself crazy!

Who knows. Maybe I was this crazy when I was TTC before. Maybe it's one of those things that your mind makes you forget so that you'll try to have more.

Okay...off to obsess and over analyze some more :)

Feeling Pretty Good

I think my timing was okay. I felt twinges and crampy today on my left side so I'm thinking I have ovulated sometime recently. Hopefully my spermies are in the right spot and have found their prize.

Now...what do I obsess about the next two weeks?

Last Insemination Tonight

I'm just going to do it. My lines are lighter so I think my surge is over. It's the end of CD 16 so I've either ovulated or will soon. Think some conception thoughts for me. I guess in about 2 weeks I'll know if I did anything right. I can't help but think that I've just screwed this whole cycle up...but I felt the same way the cycle I conceived the twins and I had to have done something right then :)

So Confused

So my OPK's are getting lighter, but I usually feel ovulation and I didn't. So, did I already O? or is my surge over and I'm about to O? I am so lost.

I guess I should probably inseminate with my last vial tonight. I'm on CD16 and I usually only have a 26 to 28 day cycle. I've got to O soon.

Ugh...have I mentioned how much I hate TTC?

I Think K Has a Sixth Sense

She is obsessed with babies and everything to do with babies. She also talks all the time about being in my belly. Now I'm not convinced she actually remembers being in there, but she says things that make me think she might, especially since its not something I have every spent much time talking to her about. She found my pregnancy scrapbook and can spend hours looking at the US pictures. She also loves to see babies being born - I know, shes a little young, but she has caught a few passing through the channels like TLC and such and she is just fascinated. And now lately she has been asking if I have babies in my tummy. Obviously I haven't said a thing to her at all, but suddenly its a curiosity of hers. And then tonight when I picked her up from the YMCA childwatch the worker told me that all K talked about was having a baby brother or sister.

And Then There Was One

I did my first insemination last night. I started to get some lines on my OPK's, some favorable CM and was a little crampy so I went with it.

Harder then I remember but seemed to go okay. I am thinking I will do the second vial tonight as long as I continue to have darkening lines on my OPK's.

Very Busy Day Today

We started by going to gymnastics. Then a play date here at the house and then a quick drive (well 1.5hour) to where my parents are. My mom had a hysterectomy today and I decided that we better go visit. I can't even imagine the wrath she could lay on my if I didn't.

She looked like most patients the day of surgery. Crappy. She was in a lot of pain and her PCA wasn't really covering it. She went in and out of sleep the entire time so I don't think she remembers too much of our visit.

The twins were cute. Obviously very concerned for her, but also very curious as to what was going on. Of course they probably couldn't completely grasp the situation. When we left K told grandma to make sure she took her medicine to get better.

The plan is to send her home tomorrow. Lets hope for a quick recovery.

I Had Forgotten

What a complete mind-fu_k TTC was. I hate it. Constantly second guessing, worrying, obsessing over every freaking symptom. It's times like this when I envy the married woman. Have sex every other day for a few days and your covered. Me, I have to be within 12 very precise hours. Too soon and my spermies are dead. Too late and the egg has already shriveled up.

Still no peak. On the Answer Brand OPK's I have had nothing. Not even a faint line. On the CVS brand I have had a shadow of a line once. I guess I will be POAS until I get a dark line. I am thinking though of inseminating tomorrow morning regardless since I will be on CD16 (getting kinda late) and then saving the second vial for when I get a more definite OPK. I just don't want to miss ovulation.

This sucks. I hate it. And sadly, I'm not even through try number one. God help me if this takes awhile.

Still Not Time...

Still no peak. In fact, when I test using regular OPK's I don't even have a faint line. I'm starting to tell myself I already O'd but that is virtually impossible. Today is CD14. I usually O on day 15 or 16. I have just been totally thrown off my the peak on the meter so early.

Talked to my mom tonight and she pissed me off...whats new right? I mentioned in passing that I still had a desire to adopt and she just started harping on me about how I already had 2 kids and I needed to stop, blah, blah, blah. She knows I will be trying again, but has no idea that I'm trying now. I think she is in denial though and hopes I won't go through with it. She seems to think that she will have to do something if another baby comes. It will be nice to have her support and help, but not necessary.

She also started getting on me about being single again. My mom is someone who has to be with someone. She cannot fathom why on earth I'm not searching the city looking for a husband. An old boyfriend from Canada posted "Happy Birthday" on my facebook page and my mom jumped on me saying that I needed to email him and see if he was single yada, yada, yada. She seems desperate for me to find someone. I wish she could understand that I am happy and I don't want anyone. Sadly...I don't think she ever will.

What Better Way to Pass the Time..

Than shopping on Ebay for maternity clothes LOL

I remember I did this once I started TTC before. I had a mini wardrobe before I even got pregnant. It was easier then. Lane Bryant had a really nice plus size maternity line. Well, not anymore, in fact, it looks like they are currently liquidating it. It's all on clearance for great prices...but all they have left is the 14 size...and don't even get me started on how a size 14 is NOT plus sized.

So...much harder to find stuff I like this time. When I was pregnant with the twins, Lane Bryant came out with these maternity overalls that I wanted SOOOOOO badly. But by the time they were available I only had a month or two left and couldn't justify spending the money. Now...I have to have my maternity overalls....but of course...I can't find any.

So my mission to all my blog readers is to find me plus sized maternity overalls.

Anxious, Anxious, Anxious

Wow. I don't remember being this nervous when I was TTC the twins. I think back then I was so desperate to me a mom that I didn't even think in the long term, my only thoughts were GET PREGNANT!

Now I sit and think, okay, in a few weeks I could be pregnant. I will have to juggle work, twins and a potentially horrible pregnancy. Then later this year, around Thanksgiving I will have a third child. AAACCCKKK!!!

Don't get me wrong. The last year all I have thought about is TTC this child. I want this more than anything and I will be happier than I can express if I get pregnant. It's just the last minute "what ifs" that are flooding my brain right now.

I should peak tomorrow or Monday. Monday will be an extremely busy day, but I'll fit in a quick IUI if need be :)

There is a little box in my room...

Full of sperm LOL

I am seriously freaking out. What the heck am I doing?? In about two weeks I could be pregnant!?

I usually ovulate on day 15 or so. Well today, day 12 I am already registering as high on my monitor. I'm so glad I decided on Friday delivery and not Monday. At this rate I may be inseminating on Sunday!

Okay...I am going to try and relax...and not think about the HUGE thing I am about to do.

And I Forgot...

Today is my Birthday :)

29 (twenty-nine) is the natural number following 28 and preceding 30.

It is the tenth prime number, and also the fourth primorial prime. It forms a twin prime pair with thirty-one, which is also a primorial prime. Twenty-nine is also the sixth Sophie Germain prime. It is also the sum of three consecutive squares, 22 + 32 + 42. It is a Lucas prime, a Pell prime, and a tetranacci number. It is an Eisenstein prime with no imaginary part and real part of the form 3n − 1. Since 18! + 1 is a multiple of 29 but 29 is not one more than a multiple 18, 29 is a Pillai prime. 29 is also the 10th supersingular prime.

None of the first 29 natural numbers have more than two different prime factors. This is the longest such consecutive sequence.

Twenty-nine is the aliquot sum of the odd discrete biprimes 115 and 187 and is the base of the 29-aliquot tree.

The lunar month is very close to twenty-nine days.
Saturn requires over 29 years to orbit the Sun.

In other fields
Twenty-nine is:
The number of days February has in leap years.
The number of letters in the Turkish,[1] Finnish,[2] Faroese,[3] and Norwegian[4] alphabets.
The designation of Interstate 29, a U. S. freeway that runs from Missouri to North Dakota.
In the name of the town Twentynine Palms, California, also the name of the adjoining Marine Corps Air Ground Combat Center Twentynine Palms, affectionately referred to by Marines as "Twentynine Stumps".[5]
The number of suras in the Qur'an that begin with muqatta'at
The highest possible score in a hand of Cribbage.
An album by Ryan Adams.[6]
The track the Chattanooga Choo Choo leaves in the Glenn Miller song.
29th Regiment of Foot, a former regiment in the British Army.
The retired jersey number of Rod Carew
The 2008 Summer Olympics
The number of the French department Finistère
The amount of attributes existing according to The Strokes in You Only Live Once.
The retired S.L. Benfica shirt number in memory of Miklos Feher.

My Observant Daughter

A Few Days Ago

K: Mommy you sit in the chair
Me: No K, that's for little kids
K: Mommy you have too much butt

Today

K: Mommy is there babies in your belly
Me: No K. Mommy doesn't have babies in her belly
K: Oh. Its just your big boobies.

Gosh she's sweet :)

The New Bedroom

Finally. I like it. Still very, very bright and colorful, but that what kids rooms are supposed to be. Now I just need to keep my eye out for some nice bright artwork.

You've Got Sperm

Yep, I ordered my vials. They are due to arrive on my doorstep on Friday. I can't believe I am actually doing this. It's crazy to think that I might be pregnant again soon. That I will have another baby by Christmas this year (maybe). I think I am CRAZY!

Definitely cheaper this time. I was already the proud owner of ten vials so all I have to pay for is shipping. That will come to $159 a try. Nice. When TTC with the twins it cost like $600-$700 a try.

I should be about 50 pounds lighter and that pisses me off, but at the same time, if I want to do this, I need to go ahead and start.

Some Party Pics

S & K Enjoying Snacks

Blowing Out Candles

Horray!

S Jumping Off the Slide

K, S & Aunt J Sliding

I Now Have Two Three Year Olds

Oh my...how time flies. I can't believe they are three. I have two little people that now amaze me every day with their smarts, make me giggle constantly and make me feel like no one else can.

Today we spent the day fairly low key. Gymnastics in the morning and a little shopping. We did go out to dinner tonight and had an Ice Cream cake for dessert. My birthday is in a few days so we are doing all our celebrating this weekend.

Tomorrow is the BIG day. Party, friends and presents. I will definitely post pics :)

One Year Ago Today...

My Doctor called me and told me that I had MS. The tests had come back and confirmed what he had suspected. I wouldn't say my life fell apart, but it certainly cracked a bit.

I am lucky in many ways.

1.) I have not had any further flares since the one that diagnosed me.
2.) My very expensive meds have been 100% covered by my otherwise crappy insurance.
3.) My Doc is very impressed with my progress (or I guess lack there of) and is supportive of me getting pregnant.
4.) My Doc believes that I caught this extremely early and it may be many years before I have any more problems.
5.) Although the meds cause painful, itchy whelts on my body, that is my only side effect.

Of course life isn't all roses. I think I am still in somewhat of a denial. Every so often I 'realize' that I have a chronic illness. Sometimes I can forget and then I am a work and get a patient who is debilitated due to MS and it's like a punch in the gut. I still haven't read one book, researched any new treatments or joined the local chapter. I think for me, a certain amount of denial is necessary. I can't be consumed with thoughts all the time or I will crumble.

Of course there are days I am angry...like knowing that if I hadn't been diagnosed I would most likely have an infant in my arms now, or be well into my pregnancy. I just have to focus on the positive though. If it hadn't found it early, there would be more time for it to attack my nervous system before starting the medications to slow its speed. Hopefully I caught it early enough that it will be many, many years before the MS truly impacts my life.

I will be walking in the MS Walk this March. Last year I raised over $700. So far I have raised $520. With the economy I am very happy with what I have made so far. Wish us luck and when the walk does happen, I will be sure to post pics :)

Redecorating Woes

Man...this redecorating stuff is hard. I am almost done the twins new room. The painting has been difficult due to bright colors, taping all the edges and some set backs. I attempted to paint a bright red border around the room, but the paint just isn't covering. Luckily after a quick google search last night, I was able to find some solid red border.

A sticky wallpaper border isn't cheating...right :)

My Mom Drives Me Crazy

My parents have been in Mexico since the 31st. They will be back this Saturday. After they left I did email my mom to tell her what had happened to K. We emailed back and forth until last Wednesday. Today I get this email

"Hi. Thanks for e-mailing and checking to see how are trip was going over the past two weeks! Sorry, they say sarcasm is anger turned outward. I guess I'm hurt."

What the fuck!? Um...would you consistently email a person on vacation when you had absolutely nothing to tell them? I know my sister has been talking to them, so they were fine. I asked like 10 people at work today and all but one said they wouldn't have been emailing.

Are our lives so enmeshed that I can't go a week without talking to my mom and it not being a huge deal? Wow, I so look forward to seeing her this weekend at the twins birthday.

Things are looking brighter

After speaking to a specialist in gynecological cancers and hearing what J has said, it sounds like things may not be as bad as was thought. She has low grade cancer cells on her cervix. Right now the plan is to send out a test for HPV and see which kind she has. There are many, many kinds of HPV but only 3 or 4 that are considered high risk for invasive cancer. Tomorrow we should find out which one she has. If it's a low grade, then she just gets monitored every 6-12 months from now on. If it's high grade...then other options will be considered.

Yippeeee!

CD1.....

TTC here I come :)

Pictures As Promised

My Crib Headboard :) Ignore the messy bed

And my newly tiled bathroom wall.

Not Liking Myself Much...

Since K was diagnosed with pneumonia, I have been very bad with eating and exercise. I have probably gained 5-10lbs back. I hate myself. Why whenever I get stressed do I turn to food?

With the stress of sick kids, a sick mommy, plans to TTC in limbo and other issues I just have felt the need to eat more. I know what I am doing is wrong..and yet I do it anyways.

Ahhhhh. Tomorrow is a new day...maybe I can start it with a new attitude.

An Unexpected Gift

Today I was scheduled to work. I was really not looking forward to it. Well this morning at 5:15a my phone started ringing. On the other line, a sweet voice said that I was not needed at work and to stay home :) What a wonderful little voice.

I am almost done my tiling. I hope I can grout tomorrow. I will post pictures for sure when I'm done.

Oh and since I promised not to keep updating, I won't tell you that I'm now on CD31.

I don't even know what to say...

My 19 year old sister called me today to say that she has been diagnosed with cervical cancer. WHAT!? Of course this is early, and there may be a chance that the pap smear is wrong, but apparently she has been having some weird symptoms that could be explained by this.

Most healthy girls this young who get diagnosed with cervical cancer actually contracted the disease through a sexually transmitted disease, HPV. J, who did become sexually active quite young, swears she has never been diagnosed with this. J started having sex at the age of 14. All she used was birth control. I would get so angry because she didn't consider what she was doing as unprotected sex because she was on the pill and with only one partner. Well this stellar man who she was with has since fathered a child with another girl, and the entire time this girl was pregnant, he was trying to hook up with J. I can just imagine what he was doing when he was with my sister.

I drives me crazy that girls do this to themselves. Yes, this could have come from something non related to sex and just been a really crappy random thing, but to me it just confirms that my anger and concern from several years ago was justified.

She will go back on Monday and follow up with her doctor. Right now is a really crappy time to be going through this because our parents are in Mexico until next weekend. So poor J is all alone trying to deal with this. She has emailed my mom...hopefully my mom will find a way to call her.

The Mood Has Hit

I feel like I am nesting, although aren't you supposed to do that in like your third trimester of pregnancy? Maybe I know I won't be able to do any of this if I do get pregnant so I freaking out a bit? I have no idea...but here's a list of things I am working on...

1.) I removed all the furniture from the twins room. I carpet cleaned and repaired all the dents and holes in the wall. I then touch up painted all those areas. For now, I put the twins back into the nursery, until I fix the master bedroom...
2.) The master bedroom. I am moving all the furniture out there and will carpet clean there as well. I also want to paint the walls in some cool colors for the twins. I plan on leaving them there for a few years so I want to do a good job. I will put the kids beds, toys, everything in there and try to contain the chaos.
3.) I am tiling the wall in my bathroom. I have hated this section of wall forever...since the house was built really. So now I am finally doing something about it. I have already tiled the back wall and I am very impressed.
4.) When I got rid of the twins cribs I couldn't part with the sleigh head and foot boards. Well today I finally took them, screwed them together and made a cute headboard for my bed :) I'm sure some would think it's kind of tacky, but I like it. I will post a picture when I get around to it.

This is just for the upstairs. Once I get down, I will focus on the downstairs. I also have the twin group consignment sale coming up, so hopefully I will get rid of a lot of crap that is cluttering up this house.

Wish me luck on my projects :)

CD29!!!

Yep, another day, another day without AF.

This is driving me crazy.

Okay, I promise no more updates until CD1. I hope I can update you tomorrow.

Two Days

In the grand scheme of things two days is nothing. But when you are waiting for your cycle to start so that you can make all your TTC plans - shipment of sperm, supplies, etc - two days seems like forever.

The last several months I have been every 26 days. Today is day 28 and AF is no where in sight. No cramping, no spotting, no nothing. Ugh...even my monitor is flashing menstruation?? It even knows I'm supposed to have AF right now.

Just when you think you have figured stuff out, and so much is riding on it...things change.

SNOW!!

Living were we are, we don't see a lot of snow. And usually when it comes, it's gone by the afternoon. Well the last two times it has snowed, I have been at work and I have missed seeing the kids play. Well this morning when we woke up there was snow on the ground! Both were fever free so we bundled up and went out to play. I got some cute pictures and I think the twins both ate cup fulls of snow. And...as I write this post...all the snow is already gone.

I'm Tired

I am tired of being sick. I am tired of taking care of sick people. I am tired of looking around the house and just seeing things that need to be done. I am tired of waiting.

I am tired.

Sunday Was a Horrible Day

I had to work and when I called home to check on the twins I learned that K woke up throwing up and she was pretty sick. My babysitters watch the kids when they're sick so I just made sure I called every few hours and got updates from the sitter. I knew something wasn't right when I heard K had a fever as she just never gets one. When I got home I found K to have a temp of 104.4, had vomited 10-15 times and hadn't peed all day. Of course I ran her to the ER. After a chest x-ray, ice chips and meds they discovered K had pneumonia and a double ear infection.

While sitting there waiting for the plan, my mind was spinning with what my plan would be. Another 'crisis' for a single mom. There was no way I was leaving K in the hospital by herself but I couldn't keep S there all night either. My parents are currently in Mexico. I thought about all my friends and possibilities. I ended up calling my sister and she agreed to be on stand-by.

Luckily they let me take her home, since I am a nurse, and since K was now drinking on her own and had wet a diaper. That night was a long one, making sure K kept up on her fluids and keeping the meds on schedule.

K was such a trooper in the hospital. She tried to listen to what everyone was telling her to do and even said "Cheese" when they were doing her chest x-ray. As sick as she was she looked so darned cute.

Today she is already on the mend. I am still pushing fluids and medicating her around the clock, but she is mostly back to her bossy, opinionated self :) S unfortunately is now running fevers too. He doesn't have any respiratory symptoms and hasn't vomited so for now I am just watching him. If you came to my house right now there would be med syringes and bottles of Motrin, Tylenol, Amoxicillan and Guiafenisin all over. Luckily I don't work again until Friday.

And just to let you moms know...apparently a few days of congestion followed by a fever spike and non-stop vomiting are hallmark symptoms of pneumonia in kids.