I am so Nauseous...

And not for a good reason :)

On Friday morning I woke up so freaking nauseous I just wanted to vomit so badly. Then it went away but came back again that evening. Today off and on it has been the same way. Driving sets it off in a big way, but there are other things that bother me too. Sadly I seem to still be able to eat with no problem which leads me to believe that my nausea is coming from my head and not my stomach.

I have been dealing with a head cold for about 3 weeks now so maybe the pressure is pushing on my ears and causing some sort of vertigo?? I don't know...I just wish it would go away.

Well My Parents Aren't Leaving...

At least not now.

The company that offered my dad a job, backed out. I think they probably looked at the numbers, and the continued failing economy and decided not to go forth. It's a mixed bag as I feel bad for my dad who has been depressed since loosing his job and his inability to find a new one, but I'm glad my parents will be sticking around.

Of course it probably won't be long because my dad will continue to put applications in anywhere that's hiring. So next month he may get another offer, in another state. At this point I think he will take a job anywhere.

I hope for his sake that he does find one soon, and for my sake, one that is close.

Entlockly

1. YOUR REAL NAME:
Jamie2
2. YOUR GANGSTA NAME: (first 3 letters of real name plus izzle.)
Jamizzle
3. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (favorite color and favorite animal)
Blue Dinosaur
4. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (your middle name and street you live on/or neighborhood if it's a number)
Elizabeth Woodlyn
5. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first name)
Traja
6. YOUR SUPERHERO/CRIMINAL NAME: (Your 2nd favorite color, and favorite drink)
Gray Pepsi
7. YOUR IRAQI NAME: (2nd letter of your first name, 3rd letter of your last name, 1st letter of your last name, 2nd letter of your moms maiden name, 3rd letter of your dads name, 1st letter of a siblings first name, and last letter of your moms first name).
Aatrvje
8. YOUR WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (parents middle names).
Lynn Samuel
9 . YOUR GOTH NAME: (black, and the name of one of your pets).
Black Maddy
10 . YOUR HOOD NAME:....first 3 of your first name and add -iqua....
Jamiqua11.
What will you repost this as? (1st letter of middle name; last letter of siblings first name, first letter of your last name, and add lockly)
Entlockly

My Heart Aches

For a good friend. She lives 1000's of miles away and I can't put my arms around her and tell her how things will be okay and that she is loved.

She is lacking in support. Her mother is gone. Her sister is self centered. And the person who should be helping her the most, just drains whatever energy she has left.

Wouldn't it be great to build some sort of SMBC commune somewhere where we could all live together, support each other and help one another during times like these?

The Gravitational Pull Most Have Decreased...

Because I actually weigh 3.3lbs lighter despite all my eating!

I guess the exercise is really the key!

Maybe this week I'll be good at both...and who knows how much I can lose!

The Kindness of Others

Remember when we had the few hurricanes go through here and my driveway was washed away, well I still haven't gotten it fixed. To be honest there were things wrong with it before the hurricanes, but all that heavy rainfall just washed away what was there.

Well today I found out that my friends church had a bar-b-que lunch today in order to raise the money to fix my driveway. My friend G says they are almost there and when they are, my driveway will be re-done.

All I can say is WOW. How on earth do I even start to thank them for this.

AAHHHHH!!

What is wrong with me? I have been pretty good about doing my exercise. When I'm at the Y I am able to workout for 40 minutes and my new favorite machine is the elliptical :) But the food...crap the food...I'm just not being good. I am hoping and wishing that tomorrow the scale doesn't show any gain. I'll be lucky if I maintain. Why on earth is it so freaking hard!? It didn't help that we had two events including a birthday party, but those are really just excuses. I really need to get my act together.

On other news, I didn't ovulate this month :( That sucks because it confirms my thoughts that I don't ovulate every month, which may be a sign of other problems. But it's also concerning because the month before I conceived the twins I didn't ovulate and always assumed I ovulated twice in June to make up for it. I hope I don't do that again next month.

I am getting excited about next month, and nervous too. I wish I had been able to lose more weight before then, but if this pregnancy is anything like the last one, I will lose plenty.

A Very Busy Few Days

The next 5 days will be jammed pack with stuff. I started to make a list of everything I needed to get done and I had to stop because I was starting to panic!

Another party, passport appointments, picking up of items, shopping, cleaning, appointment making and otherwise living. I am going to be very tired next week.

And on a happier note, I filed my taxes today. I will be getting a nice little chunk of change. It will help big time to pay off most of my debt that I have acquired through the year. Of course, I have been thinking of all the things I need to do (ie passports, sperm shipping) and the money won't go as far as I need it to, but it will be a nice buffer.

I Hate That I Let Myself Get Excited...

I found out today, that the 'nurse' is moving to night shift. :( Just when I was starting to look forward to working again LOL

And kinda funny thing...my assistant director was making fun of us today and saying that the two of us seemed to have way too much fun when we worked together.

She has no idea.

Diet Update

Well, I don't have any weight loss update, but I just wanted to say how surprised I am about what the challenges are for me. I seem to be able to keep up with the 30-40 minutes of exercise each day, but the food is still killing me. I would have never thought that exercise would be the 'easy' thing.

I have started using the elliptical machine at the gym. For the first 5 minutes I feel like I'm dying but then it seems to be okay. Now I just need to increase my speed and resistance.

And a shout out congrats to J on her weight loss success too!!

UGH

Well, like I said. I haven't been too good on the diet this week. I have eaten A LOT of things I shouldn't have. At least I exercised everyday - trying to see some positive.

Anyway, weight loss for this week...1lbs

UGH

Birthday Parties Galore!

Yesterday the twins had two birthday parties. I swear they have a better and more active social life than I do.

The first one was for a little boy J who was turning three. It was at his house and the twins had a great time. There was another set of twins there, identical girls, and a few other kids. We had cake and hot dogs and the kids seemed to enjoy themselves.

The second party was for a girl L, who was turning four. This was in a gym at the local school and had a bunch of kids. They played and ran around for over an hour. The kids had a blast and ran until they could run no more. They even won a DVD during a party game.

The twins have another party next week. I am going broke buying all these gifts! Target has their toys on clearance and so I stocked up on some nice gender neutral toys to keep in the house for their future invites.

The twins birthday will be next month and that's all they talk about. Hopefully all these other parties will help them in waiting until theirs comes.

I Feel Like I'm in High School Again

So....where to start...I have not shared this with anyone and wouldn't here except for the relative anonymity.

So a few months ago a new nurse started working on our unit. I hadn't really paid him much attention until recently when we have started working together more. He isn't gorgeous or anything, but he is cute. The best thing though is we have the exact same sarcastic humor. We spend half our shift teasing back and forth and have a lot of good laughs.

So...here is where I say I feel like some stupid high school girl with a crush. I don't know if he feels the same but there is definitely something...or maybe I'm reading into it. He touches me a lot in ways he doesn't need to - like massaging my neck or leaning up against me. Whatever.

I mean like I am not something guys look for. I am overweight, I'm not that attractive, I have almost 3 year old twins...and soon I may be pregnant again. Wow, I can just imagine him explaining that one to his parents LOL. The other thing is he is younger than me. 22 in fact. Now I am also in my 20's so it's not a huge difference, but I am in my higher 20's...not 22.

Ah, well I can dream. I'm sure none of this will ever move any further but it's nice to connect with him. At least I know I can still have these feelings. I think the last time I looked at a guy this way was about 6 years ago.

I Should Have Known it was Just of Matter of When...

Everyone around me has been sick. For about the last 6 weeks my co-workers have had this horrible chest cold, N had a chest cold and then N and the twins all had pink eye. I lucked out and didn't get any of it until Thursday night. UGH.

Body aches, chills, a sore throat and enough drainage to make anyone gag. I hate being sick! I dragged my butt into work on Friday despite feeling half dead and took a handful of pills when I got home. This frigid weather doesn't help either. Going from 40's to 50's one day to the teens the next I'm sure reeks havoc on the body.

Luckily today, Sunday, all I seem to be left with is a stubborn cough, some stuffiness and a hoarse voice. I know many co-workers had their cold for weeks on end, so I guess I should consider myself lucky.

I Really Don't Mean to Leave You Hanging

My goal when I started this blog was to journal once a day. I did that for awhile when things were busy, but now that they've settled down, I just don't feel like I have something to say everyday.

Right now TTC is on hold until February, so not much to discuss. I am still working at losing weight. I am doing much better with the exercise than the food. And the twins are still their chaotic little selves :-)

I have a few updates for you today...and I will share any potential weight loss tomorrow, but other then that...I make no promises.

9 Pounds

Thats how much weight I lost this last week.

Yipee!!!!

Now I just need to stick to it!

$400...

That's how much I spent on groceries today. This shop will last for 2 weeks. Holy shit! Why does it cost so much for a family of four!

I will admit there were some non-normal purchases
- A 2009 Calendar ($10)
- A Magnetic Board ($9)
- A Box of Wipes ($9)
- Toilet Paper ($13)
- Dog Food ($15)
- Laundry Detergent ($15)
- Fabric Softener ($5)

So that's about $80-$90

Plus one store I went to had some really good sales. Buy 2 get 3 Free Juices and same for Popcorn so I stocked up. They also had some Buy one Get one Free stuff and I stocked up on too.

So maybe my $400 bill was about $150 extra things but still. OUCH! I will be very curious to see what my grocery bill will be like in two weeks. It better not be much, because crap, I can't afford it!

Today Doesn't Count

Today wasn't great as far as dieting is concerned. What defect in my brain decided that the week I started my period, should be the week I start a diet....yah right.

I guess I wasn't TOO horrible. Some pretzels at lunch...a few mini quiches at dinner....and cocoa pebbles for dessert.

Tomorrow is a new day.

UGH...

AF started today. I hate this time of the month. I feel so yucky. I have done really well on my diet this week up until today. I caved and made myself a peanut butter sandwich. Not too bad I guess, but I would feel better if I hadn't eaten it.

On a positive note, this is the last AF I will have until TTC. I am actually getting very excited. I have everything I need. I will call the bank on Monday and make sure all my paperwork is up to date for them to ship my goodies next month. And maybe this is a good sign, I should O on or around my birthday :)

Maybe I'll get a really good birthday gift this year

Had a Crappy Day Today

I woke up exhausted. So tired that I picked up my blanket and pillow and walked downstairs, plunked myself on the recliner in the living room and remained half-asleep all morning long while the twins played around me. I got up here and there to feed them, change them...etc, but for the most part I slept. Then at 1pm I brought them upstairs to nap and napped with them. We all woke up at 4:15p. I don't think I have been really up for more then a couple of hours today and I'm still tired.

With the MS I often go through periods of Fatigue. I think I may be having one. One time I felt fatigued for about a month but since then it's usually just one or two days. I think its my body's way of telling me to relax and rest a bit since I tend to do way too much.

Of course it's back to work tomorrow (UGH) and Friday (Double UGH) but then I will have a few days off again. I will try not to plan much and keep those days off as calm as possible.

So My Parents are Moving to Florida

A good 8 hours away from here. That sucks. Although I don't really rely on my parents for anything, they were my safety net. I knew that if anything big happened, they would be there to back me up. This includes TTC and of course the MS. Oh well, life goes on.

Several people have asked if I will move to Florida with them. And the answer is no. I don't want to move to Florida. I decided a while ago that I had my family and I wasn't going to follow my parents around the rest of my life. My mom gets restless and moves quite often. Growing up I lived in 15+ homes and hates every minute of it. As a result, I dream about growing old and dying in the home I live in now. The house I live in was actually built behind my parents home. Within three months of me moving in, they moved away.

Plus this is a new company, so who even knows if it will be around very long. I could give up my established life and follow them only to have to move again in a few months/years. Nope, I will stay right here where I have started my family. It will make things a little tough, especially with TTC again this year, but I'll figure out a way to make it work. My mom hasn't babysat for me since April of last year, so it's not like I rely on them for anything. It was just the safety net thing in the back of my mind.

I MADE MY GOAL

I am done reviewing businesses. I made my goal of $100. Now...onto other things.

UGH...Fundraisers

Right now I am participating in a Fundraiser for my local mommies group. We need to raise $10,000 for new server. What we do is review local business and get paid for each review we give. I have spent hours (off and on) today writing reviews. I am sooooo tired. My goal was $100 and so far I have made $83.50.

I think my goal might be a little lower now :-P

My Yearly Walk for MS

Well I guess it's hard to say yearly since this will only be my second year, but I plan to continue walking. Last year I raised over $700 for the MS Society. Since the economy is considerably worse right now, I have a goal of $500. So far I have raised $250! The walk is in March so I have more time to reach this goal.

I have recruited a few friends to walk. Me and the husband of a friend who was diagnosed the same week as me are co-captains of our team. The team as a whole should do really well. I think we raised over $3000 last year. I'm not sure what our goal is this year but we have already surpassed $1000.

Sometimes its hard to acknowledge that I have this disease. Even every night when I inject myself with super painful drugs I manage to stay in some degree of denial about my diagnosis. I am typically someone who researches the shit out of everything but with MS, I haven't looked up one thing or read any literature. I think right now I still feel like the less I know or admit to, the better I'll be.

I Found My Sticks :)

What do ya know...they were in the one place I drove by when checking places out on Thursday. Now I am ready. This month I will chart really well and try to get the best idea of everything that is going on and then if I can get my act together February might just be the month for me.

It's crazy to think where I might be this time next year!

Back to Reality...and TTC

So today, New Years Day, marks the start of several changes. I need to lose weight - ya I know...you've heard that before. I need to stop using my credit card. From now on, if I don't have the money in the bank, I don't need it. And finally I should be starting to TTC next month.

I am thinking February will be my first month. I should O around Feb 20th which will make me due (ya I know...if I get pregnant on the first try...highly unlikely) around November 13th. I am not thrilled about a late in the year baby, but the advantage to this would be my maternity leave would include all the holidays...so I wouldn't have to work them :)

Oh and just to give you an example about how weird I am, everyone in my family (parents, brothers, sisters, twins) are all born on an even year. Do you know I am weirded out by breaking the trend if I get pregnant right away and have an 2009 baby? See...I am a little crazy.

Today I went to three different pharmacies in the area for my monitor sticks. Well I guess everyone in town is TTC and using this monitor because they are all sold out! I have a few more places to check tomorrow but so far I am shocked that no one has them in stock. And they are now$50!! Holy moly! TTC gets more and more expensive each year. At least this go around I don't have to pay for sperm :)

The Vacation Recovery

Every feel like you need a vacation after your vacation?

Our trip home wasn't horrible, but it definitely didn't go as well as the way there. Everyone was cranky and just wanted to be home. About half way home we realized that S had left his special blankie in Florida - ACK! We got home late Sunday night and everyone crashed into bed.

The next two days were a blur. Toys and suitcases everywhere. No food in the house. Dirty laundry piling up. UGH. Back to the real world. It took me until 11 or 12 at night on Tuesday to semi-clean up. It was back to work for me Wednesday and sadly my next day off isn't until Monday because I am lucky enough to have to work the weekend.

My car is still full of crap. The house isn't really clean. There are still piles of laundry. I guess I know what I will be doing on Monday.

Oh...and S's blankie arrived in the mail on Wednesday. You never saw a happier boy! Thank you grandma!

Day Four - Our Final Day

On our last day, I tried to spend as much time as I could with my grandma. She wanted to take the kids to a Children's Museum in the area. The kids had a good time. It is significantly smaller than the one here, but it's definitely cute. My grandma and N had fun chasing the twins around the museum and playing with them. After playing at the museum we had lunch at Applebees. By then the kids were getting cranky. We were able to squeeze in a nap before heading back to my grandparents for a spaghetti dinner. It was a wonderful way to end a good vacation.


I do have to add that by this day the twins I think had had enough. They were definitely more whiny and tired. Both kept asking to go home to mommy's house. As stressful as travel can be on adults, I imagine it's more difficult for toddlers. Staying up late, interrupted naps, eating out and meeting new people every day. Overall the twins did amazing and I really can't complain. Although I had a great time, it was very tiring and I was glad to be heading home, although not via the 12+ hours of driving I had in front of me.

Day Three

On the third day I snuck out before anyone, including the twins, woke up and did some after Christmas shopping. I didn't spend too much, except for in the Hallmark store with those drasted ornaments! Once we got home I took the kids to the beach. You can't go to Florida and not visit the beach!

S LOVED the beach. He thought the water was great and enjoyed getting dirty in the sand. He kept yelling at me to bring him further into the water, which I was not about to do. He had a blast playing along the shore letting the waves get him. K did not like the water at all. It was too loud and the water kept "trying to get her". Someone had dug a hole in the beach creating what looked like a little kiddie pool along the shore, so K decided that was her best bet. She sat in the hole playing in the water and sand. Since visiting the beach, S has asked non-stop when we will be going back.

We were able to get home in time for a nap and that night me, my sister, cousin K and aunt S went out to dinner while my grandma and N babysat. We went to Outback - which was my first time! I had a great time. On the way home we rented Wanted and House Bunny. Neither movie impressed me too much, but they were entertaining.

Day Two - Christmas

On Christmas Day we spent the morning low key. My sister and I went back to the pool with the twins in the morning. We then went to my Aunt L's to visit her. She is kinda the family misfit and doesn't come to any family events. It's kind of sad because she only lives a few miles from my grandparents and aunt, but never sees them. Unfortunately I didn't get any pictures from that visit.
That night was our big Christmas dinner with family. It was really nice to get together with so many cousins. My grandparents got the twins two small things that they could open and of course that made their day! We had the traditional turkey, stuffing, veggie dinner. K of course ate nothing but turkey and S sampled a little of everything.

Again that night we all went back to Aunt S and played games and hung out. We always went here because my grandparents have this thing about being in bed by 8:30 :). It was better though because the twins could definitely let loose at my aunts house while at my grandparents I was always telling them not to do stuff.

Florida Day One

On Wednesday we spent the morning playing at the park and swimming in my grandparents pool. The weather was beautiful. We hadn't anticipated letting the twins swim, but when we got there, the water was warm and the kids darn near jumped in themselves they were so excited! Luckily my dad likes to swim so he got stuck with them :) While at the pool I got some great pics of the kids. I think I actually got one of the best pictures ever of K. She just has such a great smile!
We then went out to lunch at Panera followed by a nice nap. That evening we all went to my grandparents house for an informal get-together. The kids had fun running around and getting a bunch of attention from relatives they had not seen in a few years. After dinner we all went back to my aunts house were we hung out and laughed. Me, my sister, cousin K and Aunt S played two games of Cranium into the wee hours of the morning and had a blast. I had a blast but of course paid for it the next morning after staying up so late.