The New Meds May Just be Working

Not feeling great or anything, but my evenings haven't been pure hell like last week. I am actually able to eat dinner again. A little relief is more than welcome at this point. Maybe I can tinker with this combination - as far as when to take what - to maximize this effect.

I took the twins to a movie this morning. They seemed to like it. It was Space Chimps which was pretty cute and had some funny bits for parents too. All summer long our theaters play movies for free so we might try and catch a few of them. My kids have rarely been taken so this is a good opportunity. While the tickets are free, the food is still fricken expensive. A popcorn and drink...$14.50. My god! How can they live with themselves! What is that...like a 1000% markup?

I also picked up an Exersaucer someone was selling. It's one of those more elaborate ones that even breaks apart for floor play. It's in great condition and she was selling for $35. Right on! I hope I can get most of what I need - which isn't much - this way. Definitely saves on cash! I also got an offer from an acquaintance who knew I collected Willow Tree Figures. She has 13 of them and just wants them out of the house. Their mine for free!!! Yippee! For those who don't know, these figures sell for as much as $30 or $40 a piece. I have quite a few already, but hopefully there will be some I don't have!

So, overall I guess I had a good day. Morning at the movies, some good deals and even ate dinner. Wow. I will write this day down somewhere :P

Got to Hear My Little One Today

Made it all worth it...at least for awhile.

I saw my new Midwife today and so far I really like her. I think we will be a good match. She is concerned about my nausea and vomiting and is trying me on a new regime of meds including zofran, meclizine and nexium. She also ran a little more blood work including h. pylori. If I come back positive for that, I will take an antibiotic for about 10 days and in many women, this helps the nausea too. I really hope this works, or at least lessens my nausea. Any amount of relief will be hugely appreciated!!

Now back to the baby...

Heart rate was 148. He had the hiccups and even kicked a few times. It was enough to melt your heart. I really think I could use a home doppler. I know it sounds crazy, but hearing that made me feel better. If I had one at home, when I start to get depressed and hopeless over the way I fell, maybe if I just pulled out the doppler and listened, I would instantly feel better.

Worth a shot

Pool Party

Today I dragged my sorry butt out of bed and took the kids to a pool party for our multiples group. K and I actually swam for a little bit, but we mostly just hung around the pool or deck. About half way through there was a heavy downpour, but it only lasted about 30 minutes and then the sun came out again.

Here are some pics...enjoy :)

Poor Farrah

Tonight I feel badly for Farrah Fawcet and her family. While I am a little young to truly know or appreciate her work, she was a mostly respected actress and battled courageously with rectal cancer. Being an oncology nurse, I know what a horrible disease this is and in all likelihood know some of the horrible things her body has had to endure over the past few years.

This morning she died and she deserved her time. She deserved her media coverage and memories of her career and accomplishments.

Instead, her life and death has been overshadowed by the death of another, Micheal Jackson. While MJ is an amazingly talented singer, dancer and entertainer, we cannot forget the last 10 years. He had been accused of child molestation on more than one occasion, by multiple accusers. He has acted extremely odd in many situations and has obviously shown that on so many levels that we cannot see, he is a very ill man with many demons.

Obviously I wish the death of no one. I feel extremely sad for MJ's three children and the family left behind. But had this man been less talented and not as famous, many wouldn't give a second thought to the death of a pedophile. I sincerely hope his children can find peace and love in the coming weeks and that whomever they end up being cared for, they receive the help and guidance they need to avoid the same problems as their father.

So, RIP Farrah Fawcet. Sorry about the crappy timing, but I am sure there are plenty out there mourning your loss, despite the complete lack of coverage :(

A Little Update

Well after yesterdays piss and moan fest I figured I better update today. I actually had an ok day. On a scale of one to ten...maybe a 5...but so much better than the -2 I have been feeling. While I am still not bursting with energy, I have been able to organize my bills, do a little photo updating and getting some emails done.

Not much, but for me a very productive day.

Poor Kids

I can't help but feel guilty because S & K have really not had a good mom the last few weeks. I am always sick, I lay on the couch a lot, I am often short with them. I feel like crap physically and I feel like a crappy mom.

K asked me the other day why I was sick all the time. I explained to her the best I could that when mommy had a baby in her belly, it made her sick. Well since then, K has begged me to take the baby out so I can feel better. She asks if we can go to the doctor, and will the doctor take the baby out. She doesn't understand how much more time there is left...the poor thing just wants her mommy back.

S has also picked up on it as he will lay beside me and ask "Baby make you sick?"

Ah, how do I even begin to explain. I sure hope this sickness doesn't last forever as the twins will end up hating this baby before it even gets here.

***As you've noticed there are sometimes days between updates. Well if anything real important happens, I will make sure I update regardless of how I feel, but for the most part, I am lying low and trying to feel better.***

A Run of Really Bad Days

This sucks. I was so hoping that I would be lucky enough to start feeling better once the second trimester hit. I will be 15 weeks on Friday and there is no relief in sight.

I used to have 6-8 hours of moderate relief a day. Wake up, take my Zofran and be able to eat and drink relatively nausea free until around supper time. Well that has not been the case the last three days.

Sunday I was able to eat but felt really bad all day. I never felt like I was free to eat, but rather forced myself to eat. I was real sleepy and just felt crappy. Yesterday I was nauseous all day long. Couldn't eat lunch...barely kept dinner down and the whole evening I sat in my rocking chair fighting throwing up. I gagged multiple times but luckily was able to avoid emptying my stomach.

Then today...today sucked. Woke up with a migraine. Laid on the couch until almost 2p. At that time I forced down a bagel and a drink because I hadn't eaten yet. I was miserable. At 4p I made the twins lie down for a nap and I slept again until 6:30p. I woke up, ate some simple dinner and then ended up vomiting again. So today I have eaten a bagel and soup and I'm not sure how much of either has stayed down.

I feel like all I can do at this point is cry. Maybe tomorrow will be a new day and things will start to turn around again...but for tonight...I feel like crap...and all I can do is feel sorry for myself and the twins who have to deal with me.

Work Can Be So Frustrating!

I have already put in my three days this week, but signed up to help my unit today. We have been having low census so I was almost certain they wouldn't need me, and according to policy, then I would be called off.

Well, got to work this morning puzzled as to why I hadn't been called off, and found out that I had been re-assigned to another unit - WHAT!? I called the hospital supervisor and was basically told that there were other needs, so I was reassigned and there was nothing I could do...I was working my shift. Nice.

So, where do I get sent...the H1N1 quarantine unit - ha! Luckily there are 2 sides to the unit. The flu side and the regular patient side. I got the regular patients and actually found out while I was there that pregnant employees will not be caring for flu patients. Hey...at least that's one benefit to being pregnant right now...right?

Does Unisex Not Exist Anymore?

The twins are finally starting to acknowledge that there just might be a baby coming later this year. Tonight both of them were talking about it and they decided that they wanted to buy the baby some pyjamas. I thought, why not. I am feeling like crap and that might just make me feel a little better.

We headed to Babies R Us to see what we could find. I have yet to buy anything for the baby so I was even kind of excited. Well, after about searching for 30 minutes I came to the conclusion that there is nothing unisex anymore. Everything was pink and frilly or covered with dogs and dinosaurs. Don't get me wrong, there is some adorable stuff, just nothing I could buy without knowing for sure what this baby is.

So after seeing some outfits that I like, I decided that I will just have to come back after my US. I am thinking that Friday will be a mini shopping extravaganza for me :)

Oh and I was looking at the newborn/preemie stuff for a take home outfit and I forgot just how small babies are when they're first born. OMG, I know the twins were swimming in the preemie stuff at first! How is it possible that they were ever that small!

H1N1

Holy Shit!! You would think we were dealing with the bubonic plague or something. I am so sick of hearing about it. I am sick of the million emails and meetings we are having at work to keep us updated of this situation. This is the flu...a flu, that so far has actually proven less dangerous than the 'normal' flu we get every fall and winter. It's rate of transmission is about the same as is the symptoms.

I understand there have been deaths, and that is very serious. I think today I heard that 80 some people have died so far in the US. Do you know that the seasonal flu kills almost 30,000 a season?

So why are we freaking out? I truly think this world is so dependant on sensationalistic journalism that we have to make major deals of anything that has the potential to do us harm. Remember the Bird Flu? Mad Cow? Well they are both still around in approximately the same numbers as when they were front page news...but why are we not hearing about it anymore...because it's old news. No longer any shock value. We all freaked out; stopped eating beef or stocked up on isolation gear. And nothing happened. You think we would have learned.

As of right now, there is an 'outbreak' in the hospital I work in. One employee has tested positive and unfortunately before she knew this, she worked a shift in the NICU and exposed 33 infants. This I do think is serious as these infants don't have the mature immune systems required to fight off any illness. Luckily all have been started on Tamiflu and aren't showing any symptoms. There have been 3 confirmed cases, including a patient who is residing just 2 floors up. There was also a patient that died this morning, and the suspicion is H1N1. There was also a patient on my unit today who is being worked up, although based on his symptoms, it is HIGHLY unlikely that this is what we're looking at.

Am I worried? Sure, a little. I am pregnant which means I am more compromised and I can't take tamiflu like the rest of the health care workers. But my concern is no more than it will be this fall during the regular flu season. If this bug mutates and takes on a new, more virulent form, then that will be the time for reassessment. So when and if that happens, I re-think my stance on this whole thing. But until then, I will continue to shake my head in disbelief.

Oops!

I am very, very bad. I forgot today was my sitter's birthday. It totally slipped my mind until today at work when someone mentioned it. I felt soooo bad!

So when I got home the twins and I ran out to Walmart. We got her a pretty frame set, which should work since she just moved into a new home, and ingredients to bake a cake. After dinner tonight K had a blast helping me bake and decorate the cake. The cake looks so sad...but I'm sure it tastes fine.

Hopefully tomorrow she will like what she gets and forget that I am a bad friend!

Someone Broke Into My Car!

I am so friggin mad!!

I was at work and got a call on the unit that I needed to go down to the parking lot and that my car had been broken into. As I walked down I knew the only thing of value in the car was the GPS so I was okay and thought as long as the car is fine.

...well it wasn't. The asshole smashed my passenger side window. I was sooooo pissed. I couldn't believe that for a stinking GPS someone would smash in my window like that. Of course it's been raining all day, so I had to leave work to find a place that could fix it. Luckily a place was able to fit me in right away, and the window is fixed.

Of course it cost $205 for the repair. I would have much rather spent that money on something for the new baby.

UGH...it's always something!

Finally Some Relief

Remember that sore tooth that started causing me trouble 3 weeks ago. The one which has caused me horrible pain, lost sleep and constant dosing of Extra Strength Tylenol. Well, after three dental visits, I finally found someone who was willing to help me while pregnant.

I called this new dentist this morning at 9am. They saw me at 10am and did the root canal right away. Ah relief. Even the pinch of the lidocaine didn't phase me and once the numbing medicine took affect and the gnawing pain that I've experienced for the last 3 weeks subsided...I was at peace.

Now of course the nausea is still there...but I'm thinking just having this relief of pain will be enough to renew me a little. I might even hope that the pain and constant tylenol were further upsetting my stomach and now that I have neither, maybe my tummy will improve too :)

I am Totally Failing at Life Right Now

Despite feeling a few weeks ago like I may be seeing the end of being sick, I am more hopeless now than ever. I have 4 or 5 hours during the day in which I don't feel sick as a dog, and those hours are thanks to the Zofran I take every morning. My last good day was over a week ago. I am getting so 'sick' of being sick. I know I should be great full, and don't get me wrong, I am, but I feel like there is only so much more of feeling like this I can take.

My house is such a mess. It's not dirty, but OMG it's been forever since I have cleaned up the toys in the twins room; since washing the hardwood floors; since dusting; since doing any major cleaning of anything what-so-ever!

I am feeling guilty about my mothering ability. The twins are made to entertain themselves as I spend most of the day sitting or lying on the couch fighting back throwing up. I try not to, but I know I am more inpatient and short tempered with them. If I don't have to, we don't go anywhere. I can't stand cooking dinner (one of my sickest times) so mostly I have cooked frozen and premade dinners.

I know this is a total pity party and most moms who are pregnant experience this in some form. I know there is an end to this misery, even if it is in December.

This is my 300th Blog Post

And honestly I have nothing of big importance to share. I did a quick google search to see if there was a 'standard' 300th post and I found nothing. So for lack of a better idea, I will do one of those dorky "Getting to Know You" surveys and leave it at that.

A - Age: 29
B - Bed size: Full
C - Chore you hate: Cleaning
D - Dad's Name : Dave
E - Essential start your day item: Twin Kisses
F - Favorite actor(s): No Idea!
G - Goal you've set: Being a Mommy
H - Height: 5'10"
I - Instruments you play(ed): Piano, Trumpet - neither well
J - Job title: Nurse
K - Kids - S&K 3yo, number 3 due in December
L - Lasting Memory: So many...
M - Mom's name: Darlene
N - Nicknames: Mommy, James
O - Operations: C-Section, Cyst Removal
P - Pet Peeve(s): Ignorance
Q - Quotes you like: "Perfect from the start, that small cell contains already the wrinkles and death of an old man"
R - Right or left handed: Right
S - Siblings: 2 brothers, 1 sister, 1 step-sister
T - Traits: impatient, funny
U - University: Nope, college :)
V - Vegetable you hate: All of them :)
W - Worst Habit: Eating
X - X-rays you've had: Foot, Chest and Hand
Y - Yummy food you make: Pumpkin Cheesecake
Z - Zodiac: Aquarius and Pieces - depending on the month

Welcome Early Morning Call

This morning I got a phone call from work at 5:30am. It turns out they didn't need me and I got to stay home :). Since Q was already scheduled for the day, I took advantage of her being here and stayed in bed until 12:30pm!! It's been a long time since I have been able to do that.

What am I Doing to These Kids??

K loves to play mommy. She often convinces S that he must be the baby and K will tend to him and be his mommy. Well the other day while they're playing I here K say "Wait a minute baby" and then she proceeds to pretend to throw up in a bucket. Geesh...am I that bad that K now thinks that to play mommy she need to throw up?

There are Days I Want to GIve My Children Away

I think the twins have been reacting to the changes of the travel and my crappy health by acting like total wild animals. They have really been getting themselves into some major trouble lately and driving me insane.

Last week they got into my room when they were supposed to be playing in theirs. Well they emptied a bottle of kids shampoo and goldbond medicated powder on my carpet. Yep, can you imagine the smell? It is next to impossible to clean, and in fact, there is still powder residue all over the room.

Then Sunday night when they were supposed to be taking a bath they took buckets of water and flooded the bathroom floor. My bathroom is HUGE with three walk in closets. There was 2 inches of standing water in the entire bathroom. My closets, which store things and boxes all over the floor were flooded as well. I used every towel I had to soak up the water and worked for over an hour cleaning up the water. It was horrible. I couldn't believe the twins had done this.

There are times I sit here and wonder "whats next?" what horrible things are they planning now. How on earth will they be when the baby gets here and I have even less time to keep track of them. UGH. I really hope my children do a lot of maturing in the coming year.

Cabin Trip Day Three

After a great night in the tent, we decided that we should spend our last day fishing. We headed back down to the lake to see what we could catch.

I wasn't too bright as I kept the kids in regular clothes. Of course within 10 minutes of getting to the lake, S was soaked from head to toe. K was a little better, but she definitely would have been better off in a bathing suit.

We only caught 2 fish but I think the kids had fun.

We had lunch and then started our drive home. It seemed much longer than the drive there and I felt horrible the entire drive home. In fact I had to stop twice. Once to throw up on the side of the high way (nice!) and a second time to close my eyes for a few minutes due to sheer exhaustion.

We made it home and I was never happier in my life that I didn't have any further travel plans in my future.

Cabin Trip Day Two

This day was not only a good one because we did lots of great things and had fun, but I also had a relatively nausea free day - YEAH!

We were able to sleep in until about 9am and then woke up to a breakfast of pancakes and eggs - yum! We then got into our bathing suits and headed down to the lake for some swimming and boating. I was amazed at how quick S jumped in the lake and started to play. K was a little more cautious but she eventually got the hang of it.

They both got to ride in the canoe with pop-pop and in the paddle boat with grandma. The three dogs also got into the fun and swam with the twins. Maddy, our dog, even got into the boats.



After swimming we went on a 4-wheeler ride and somehow K fell asleep. Can you imagine falling asleep on a loud, bouncing 4-wheeler?? We came back in for a nap followed by a very yummy barbecue.

We had another campfire but this time we roasted hot dogs. Again K wanted hers raw and S liked to cook them, but wasn't interested in eating them.

At bedtime the kids decided that they wanted to sleep in the tent. Me and pop-pop set it up, got all the mattresses in there and we settled in for the night. I have to say, that while it was comfortable, it was much hotter than I thought it would be. I woke up several times in the night to open the tent flap...ah...hormones.

Cabin Trip Day One

We left this morning at about 9a and got to the cabin shortly after 1p. Not bad considering we had some pretty bad rain and stopped for a quick breakfast and gas. The drive went pretty fast, but there was a lot of twisty mountain driving. Not the best thing for someone who is nauseous already.

As soon as we got to the cabin the twins started freaking out. They were so excited to see their grandma and pop-pop. The ran in and out of the cabin, jumped on all the outdoor toys and made a beeline for the 4-wheelers. It was too cute to watch them get so excited and gitty over the cabin.

The weather was a little overcast, but not too cool. The kids ran around, explored their new environment and had a few 4-wheeler rides. That night we had a campfire and roasted marshmallows. K liked to eat the marshmallows 'raw' while S wanted to burn his black and then spit them out. That night they slept on their inflatable mattresses in the cabin and opted to skip the tent outside.

And The Verdict is...

Yep, BOY. I guess S will be getting that playmate after all. I'm a little bummed, but I know in a day or two I'll get excited about it. And of course I won't go out and buy a boy wardrobe until I get US confirmation.

Going Out of Town Again...

Tomorrow we will leave for my parents cabin in the mountains. The last thing I want to do is drive 4.5 hours in the car tomorrow, but I promised and the kids are very excited.

I have decided that the twins will be Grandma and Grandpa's responsibility. I am lounging and taking it easy. I am just too worn out to make this a big weekend with too much excitement. I am tired, I'm nauseous and my mouth still hurts like hell.

Oh...and tomorrow morning I plan on using my Intelligender test. I will try to remember to post what it says before I go :)

Boy or Girl??

That is the question. And the question that I am very impatient to discover the answer to. Tonight I bought the Intelligender Urine Test. You pee in the thing and based on what color the fluid turns, you are having a boy or girl. It's about 80% effective so I won't go 100% on it's results, but I'm hoping it will accurately steer me in the correct direction.

http://www.intelligender.com/

The 'true' reveal will occur July 17th during my 18 week anatomy scan...which is only 6 weeks away...but I can't wait. I am excited though, that my friend J may be in town that day and be able to join me for the scan.

Personally, like I've said before, I think I really want a girl. I just enjoy the clothes, toys, accessories, activities, etc with girls. People think I'm crazy though because K definitely gives me a run for my money and if I end up with another one of her, I may go insane LOL

But I've started to think that for S's sake, a boy might be better. Otherwise it will always be him in a house full of girls. It would probably be nice for S to have a brother that will grow up with him and share his interests. I imagine that they could have quite the bond. And honestly, S is such a total sweetheart that I would love to have another S.

So I guess either way I will be satisfied. I'm sure I will feel a tad sad if I'm having a boy, but that's just due to my bias. Overall, I think a boy would be better for this family and that's the way I need to start thinking about it.

Rub a Dub Dub...Three Fools in a Tub

Today was a better day but I was feeling a little run down. I decided to take a nice hot bath. I have a large garden tub in the master bath, but since the twins now have the master bedroom, I needed to have my bath before I put them down to bed.

As soon as the water started flowing they were both in the bathroom. I asked them to go watch TV many times but they insisted they needed to stay with me. So for about 20 minutes I laid in a bath while two three year olds asked me a million questions and put their hands in and out of the water. By 30 minutes into the bath, both of them were in the tub with me.

Being a mom is great, but is 30 minutes to myself in the bathroom too much to ask?

UGH...Feeling Sick Today

This morning was not a good one. I threw up many times and the Zofran seemed to take forever to work. I was finally able to keep some food down around 11a when we went to Chick-Fil-A with a friend of mine and her twin boys.

From there S had speech therapy and then I had an OB appointment. Today was that lovely pelvic exam visit...gosh I hate those. And to make it worse, I didn't have enough time between the appointment and S's therapy to get them to a babysitter so the twins had to come to the appointment with me. They actually did pretty good, but I hate bringing the kids when I have to have a pelvic exam...ykwim?

We then came home and had a nap, but I have still felt pukey all day. I haven't been able to eat any dinner and just a drink made me sick. I am usually okay in the early evening so I don't know what this is about. I hope its just a bad day and it doesn't continue.

Tomorrow it's back to work for me :( I hope I'm not nearly as sick.