They Figure Out Manipulation Early

Today while watching TV, K was sitting naked on the couch and S was doing something around the couch. Well he must have done 'something' because K ended up hitting him in the face with a doll. S of course immediately started crying and ran into my arms. I told K that what she did wasn't nice and that she needed to say sorry.

Well while I am comforting S, K starts to get more visibly upset that she was yelled at. While she didn't start crying, she did her dramatic clenched fists and shaking/quivering with anger that she has recently learned to do. Well after a few minutes of that, S became concerned with K. He went over to her, asked her if she was okay but she wouldn't answer. He then assumed that because she was shaking, she must be cold. He went and got her clothes and a blanket and soothed her until she was smiling again.

Interesting...K does something a little evil, like pummel her brother with a doll, and in the end, she is the one being taken care of and comforted...Interesting.

Copaxone

Yep, that big evil word has re-entered my life. After deciding to take a break from my daily injections from MS (around 12 weeks) I have decided to restart this past Friday.

I decided way back when to stop the injections because pregnancy, for whatever reason, seems to put MS into remission. While initially I was just going to continue with the meds through out the pregnancy, I decided to take advantage of this protection and give my poor skin a break.

For those who don't take this med, it causes intense stinging for about 15 minutes after the injection followed by welts, redness, itchiness, bruising and hardness for weeks to months after the shot. So...needless to say...I needed a little break.

While pregnancy seems to stop MS, about 60-80% of women have a flair within 6 months of the post partem period. So, this is my rationalization for restarting the drug at 24 weeks. Although there are no studies to support my thinking, I believe that by restarting the med, and allowing myself a good 12-16 weeks to have it back in my system, I should avoid the post-pregnancy flair. I am lucky in the fact that Copaxone is the only category B MS drug and the only one where it is not strongly advised to stop during pregnancy. Here's to hoping my little theory is correct!

Breast Pump - Check

So I made $332 from the consignment sale this week and once the club took it's percent, I brought home $299.25. Not too shabby :) At first I was going to wait a few weeks to purchase my pump, but when I was going through my mail I found a Babies R Us flyer. There were a few coupons so I decided to go ahead.

I bought a Medela Pump in Style Advance (279.99) and $40 worth of accessories (bags, bottles) and my total, after tax and coupons was $288. Pretty good deal. So, that's one big item down...one more to go.

I still want my Britax Boulevard. There is a great site http://www.travelingtikes.com/ where you can get them for $259.99 plus free shipping brand new! So although I won't need it right away, Max will use an infant seat for a little while, I need to take advantage of that offer. I have about $200 in pending Ebay sales so as soon as that money comes in, the car seat will be purchased.

Yipee! It feels so good getting these big things out of the way and with money I don't really have to take out of my budget. The only other 'big' thing I have thought that I might need is a small deep freezer. If my attempts at pumping and storing are as successful as I hope, then I will probably need one to store my milk. I will continue to think about this one :)

$8400

That is how much our consignment sale has made in the last two days. Pretty awesome huh? I have been beyond busy...every night at the church...organizing clothes and such, but hopefully the pay off will be there (come on breast pump or car seat).

I got some cute clothes for K and Max. Sadly there isn't much in term of older boy clothes because we have very few boy multiples in our club. I also got a great collection of Medela Breast Milk Bags - New - and some containers for freezing breast milk.

Tomorrow is our last day. Everything is half price so I intend to do a little more shopping :) Then a Birthday party, break down and writing all those darn checks. So I will continue to be busy through the weekend, but at least it all wasn't for nothing.

Twin Update

Today the twins had a dental appointment. Well I think that S has my crummy teeth :( He, despite having all his molars sealed, developed two cavities on them. He also has a tooth defect in another tooth, but this doesn't require treatment. So in 2 weeks we head back for two cavities. K, who has the same brushing schedule, her teeth are perfect with no problems. Just goes to show you sometimes that the brushing sometimes has very little to do with the outcome.

The twins were actually in a pretty good mood today. K, who is turning into quite the princess, wanted her hair braided last night so that it would be 'curly' today. At the dentist, for her prize, she got a princess set so when we got home she was princess K. She even struck a pose when I brought the camera out.

S was being pretty funny too. For a few months now he does this combination cowboy-bob the builder kind of get-up. He gets his fanny pack on, loads all his tools in his belt and puts on a cowboy hat. I finally got a picture of it today. And let me just say that there has been more then one occasion of grocery shopping at Walmart with my son looking like this.

And for some reason...again...S peed in my bed during nap (that 4 bed changes in 24 hours for those who are counting). He has never done this and I made sure he went to the potty before we laid down. I guess we will start with pull-ups again for nap, but it's kind of a pain!

This week will be a busy one. It's the week of my multiples group's consignment sale. Wednesday through Saturday of non-stop fun :) Ah well, hopefully I'll make enough cash for Max's car seat or breast pump...or maybe can I wish both :)

Ugh!

So today sucked for a few reasons....

I will start with the positive though and say that I am feeling good again. And based on what I will say in a minute, I believe my feeling crappy this weekend was actually an illness vs pregnancy kicking my butt again. I went all day today without meds and my energy level was pretty good again!

I will also add another positive and say that today I tackled my computer desk. I have a very large L-Shaped desk which is always piled high with crap. Well after working at it ALL DAY LONG, the top hutch is clear of everything and the desk itself has very little clutter - YEAH!

Now onto the sucky...

This morning I woke up to K throwing up in my bed :( Not good. This of course is why I think I was sick over the weekend. K threw up again once more later in the afternoon, again in my bed while napping. So, so far that's two whole bed changes. A third was later added when after said Nap it turned out that S peed the bed, which he hasn't done during nap since way back in February or March.

My mom decided today was the day to tell me that I didn't keep my house clean enough or pay enough attention to my kids...WTF! She said that I either spend the day on the couch or the computer and needed to spend my down time cleaning or playing with the kids. I wanted to rip her apart. Like I haven't already posted here about how guilty I feel about my ability to parent my children with as shitty as I have been feeling. I tried to explain to her that being pregnant, with hyperemesis and MS meant that I had no energy. That I literally sometimes spent time on the computer so that I wouldn't fall asleep; that when I had down time...I was literally so tired that there was nothing I could do but lie on the couch. She also said the way the kids get themselves dressed and get themselves snacks in the kitchen meant I was letting them run wild. Um, what is wrong with encouraging Independence in my children? When the baby gets here those abilities will be crucial as when I am breast feeding to dealing with an infant, I won't be able to drop everything to get the twins a slice of cheese. Whatever....she has no clue.

Then my patience with N has hit it's limit. As much as I complain here I never actually vent to her at all. I have never blown up at her or told her how I felt, which if you knew me IRL you would be amazed as I generally tell people at some time or another exactly what I think. Well I hot my breaking point when my mom, as one of her points, said that N was once again complaining that she has to do everything around here....Um BULLSHIT! N does do many things around this house, I will give her credit for that, but she has never ONCE been asked to do any of it. In fact many times she has been told not to do it...well I am done. I told her tonight not to touch a damn thing in my house. Don't touch my dishes, my laundry, the vacuum, NOTHING! I don't want to hear it anymore. N loves to play the victim and thus far I have ignored it, but no more. She can do for herself and nothing more...I don't want to give her anymore fuel for her fire. I am done. She tried to deny it for a minute but when I told her the people who had told me about her complaining, she shut up immediately. I think she forgets that all her contacts are my friends and there for inform me of her bullshit.

Yes, I'm sure being pregnant didn't make today any better, but I just can't handle these people in my life right now!

Baby!Baby!

Today I had an event with my multiples group. I still didn't feel great, but definitely better than yesterday. I actually had a pretty decent time and since I was a pregnant mom, I got a gift bag with lots of cool stuff and discount offers. I might have to take advantage of one or two of them.

My parents also arrived from their three week holiday in Florida. Thank Goodness! I'm not sure if I had mentioned it here, but I had their 2 dogs for those three weeks and I HATE their dogs LOL. They are yappy and whiny and drive me crazy. I couldn't wait until my parents got back!

In exchange for watching their dogs, my mom and dad did a bunch of furniture moving and switching for me that I obviously couldn't do. Now my guest room...soon to be nursery....is ready for a fresh coat of paint and it's makeover into Max's new room :) I feel so behind as I had everything ready by now with the twins and this time I am Lolly-gagging. It's true what they say about moms just not being as on the ball for subsequent pregnancies. There is just too much else to do. I am getting excited about decorating and putting together Max's nursery. I think things will seem a lot more real when that happens :)

A Very Good Week

But a crappy today.

I spent most of last week med free. A few times I had to take something half way through the day, but overall did very well. My energy level was even up a bit even though my mood and hormones were through the roof.

But this morning. Eck. I woke up exhausted. I threw up while getting the kids breakfast before I could even have one bit to eat. I spent the morning on the flooor watching TV with the kids, followed by a long afternoon nap.

When I woke up...there is was. A migraine. Continued to feel nauseous throughout the day, and even had to pull myself together for a birthday party at the pool this evening. Eck.

Next Year is Going to be a Big Year

That is what I have decided. There are certain things in my life that need to change and most cannot be addressed right at this very moment while pregnant.

1.) I will start to lose weight again. I need to get healthy. I lost almost 90lbs 2 years ago, so I know I can do it, I just need to do it. I also need to realize how much my emotions play a part in my eating. For example after I was diagnosed with MS, I gained it all back. With a new baby, 2 active toddlers and my plan to breastfeed, I think if I really put my mind to it, it won't be that bad.

2.) I need to downsize. This includes getting debt free, clearing the house of clutter and living more simply. The kids have more toys then any children need and are spoiled rotten. This will change.

3.) I need to become financially independent from N. I just can't stand her anymore. She drives me crazy and most of my stress and anxiety comes from her. I can't do it anymore. By January 2011 I need to have her gone. I know this also means I will have to return to work full time, but honestly, this was going to happen sooner or later. Better to do it on my terms.

4.) Once I accomplish 2 and 3, I will sell this house and move to another, smaller home. The mortgage her is really what keeps me dependant on N. If I can significantly reduce it, I should be okay.

Without N and a huge mortgage I believe my stress level will significantly be reduced and will make things better for all. If I could swing it now, N would be in a Nursing Home tomorrow. Yes, I know this sounds harsh, but unless you live in this home and know what kind of woman she is, you wouldn't understand. Trust me.

So here's to 2010...the year of change!

Sometimes I Hate People

I imagine part of my frustration comes from being pregnant, hormonal and constantly tired, but sheesh. People are just pissing me off left and right.

Co-workers who try to do the bare minimum and then act all innocent when called on it. Ones who try to get themselves a little extra time off, which you approve and then you turn around and they took way more then agreed upon. People who just flat out ignore the 'rules' and then act offended when you correct them.

Being the head of two local mommy boards isn't any better. I guess I should know better; is it possible to have groups of women together in fairly large numbers and not have the catty bitching and back stabbing? Is it too much for someone to be able to state an opinion without someone else taking that opinion personally and throwing a HUGE hissy fit. And then god forbid I take a side that isn't yours...that obviously means I'm as evil as the rest of them.

I should have taken the advice of some people and ditched all my extra commitments when I got pregnant. No local Mommy's board, no extra jobs at work, no responsibilities with my multiples group. Heck maybe I should have just boarded the windows and stopped leaving the house all together...but then of course that would lock me in with N and I could post for hours about how she is bugging the ever living shit out of me.

It's times like this when I remember why I chose to be a SMBC. I don't like being around people all the time. I do enjoy solitude. And especially when I feel like crap...I want to be alone. Too bad I have three year old twins who have to be touching me 24/7 and a demented old woman who has to be in my business. Ah...I think I need a weekend away.

I Knew Something Was Up

While laying in bed, having a nap with K & S, I thought that K felt awful hot. Sometimes its hard to tell as when they sleep I swear they turn into little ovens, but this felt different. I chose to try and ignore it and fell asleep.

Well, a mother should always trust her gut because when we all wok up K started saying her tummy hurt and then...Blech. Vomit.

I wonder how long before she stops. A tummy bug in this house always seems to have a very short life span - like 6-8 hours, but isn't usually accompanied by a fever. I also wonder how long before S gets it. Tomorrow morning I have an OB apt, which I was going to take them to, but now I probably need to work on a sitter.

Oh and I had gone the whole day without any meds, the whole day that is until the vomit. Of course dealing with that clean up immediately sent my stomach into a tail spin and I popped some Zofran. But all in all, still doing pretty good I think :-)


ETA: Its about 2 hours later and K already seems better. Has had apple juice, a popsicle and some noodles. She's even got her energy back. Yeah for quick illness'!!

Day #2

I woke up this morning and decided to tempt fate again :o) I didn't take my Zofran. I felt a little queasy but ate breakfast and felt good. We did a bunch of running around this morning and I was fine! When I got home and ate lunch I did start to feel a little worse, so I went ahead and took the Zofran.

This is great! Before I would go from bad to worse as far as the nausea but now I seem to start out okay and maybe only need my meds in the afternoon? IDK but I think I will continue to try not taking the Zofran in the morning and see how it goes. I am a little leery of proclaiming that I am getting better. When I was pregnant with the twins from about 22 to 26 weeks I had a break from the nausea, but then it came back full force. Trying to stay positive though and hope this decrease in nausea is going to last until the end...and who knows...maybe even continue to get better :o)

This afternoon after the kids napped we went to Babies R Us and registered for Max. I was a little leery of starting a registry. After all I have been told by some that I do not get another shower because this is my second pregnancy. But then I have also been pressured by others to get a registry going and several offers to host a shower for me. So, either way, I now have a simple registry. Mostly breastfeeding and pumping supplies; some basic things for baby; and one or two equipment requests. Overall a very basic, down to earth registry...I think :)

I Hope This is A Good Sign!

So on my way to work this morning, I realized I forgot to take my Zofran!! (my nausea med) I have been on Zofran daily since about 5 weeks pregnant and have never forgotten a dose. I was really scared at how I would feel.

I went to work and actually felt okay. I did get a little queasy when I ate lunch, but never felt like I was going to vomit. I am pleasantly surprised. Maybe I am turning a corner :o) Now I'm too chicken to try this too often, but maybe on days I don't work, I can try and see if I can avoid the meds.

Also, after putting in all those extra hours at work on Monday at meetings, there was a surplus of nurses today at work, so I was sent home at 11:45am vs 3:30pm.

A Very Good Day!!

And tomorrow will be another shopping day...hopefully will be fun. I am also going to finally print up the photos from the twins last two photo sessions. I really need to start organizing my life because in about 4 months I don't think I'll have much time :)

OMG...I Totally Forgot to Post!

As of Monday afternoon, I no longer am the owner of my donor vials. They were shipped to family one. I hope they have quick success with them and are able to add to their family (as you might remember they already have two children by this donor). Still bittersweet. I'm a little sad and it is tough not to think about it...but it's done. No turning back.

Slacking Off...

So this morning on my way to work it hit me...I didn't take one stinking picture of my grandparents visit. None. We only see them about twice a year and I always try to get some good shots all of them but this time, nothing. I am going to blame it on being pregnant and not really thinking about too much else other than making it through the day.

And a little update on a previous post. I am starting to relax a little and feel more connected to Max. I am still a little upset that he's a boy, but making good progress :) I will tell you what though...it seems like I am one of the few whose expecting a boy and it's still hard not to get a little jealous.

I belong to two due date clubs. One of them, there are 24 moms. Of the 24, 16 are having girls. In my local due date club there are 8 moms. 6 of them are having girls. So, out of 32 babies being born in December, only 10 of them are boys.

Okay...yes I know, shut up. I am having what appears to be a healthy baby boy and yet all I can seem to do is bitch. I promise, I am happy with my son and once he is here, there will be absolutely no thoughts of a girl. I have so much more then many women get, but remember, I use this blog to vent, to let out some of my darkest feelings that most of the real world never hears. So while I am more then happy with what I am getting, let me have my small moments to whine :)

Good Day

A nice day with family. Slept in until 8:30ish. Hung around the house most of the day. Went out for dinner. Exactly what I needed. A pretty low key day with everyone. Grandparents even took N out for a few hours - bonus.

Oh and I totally forgot to post but I am entering my second term as the President of my multiples group. I got re-elected last night :D I am also super excited because I was able to get rid of some of my other roles. So while I still have a lot of responsibility, I have a lot less busy work.

Why Does Everything Happen at Once?

This week is going to be a crazy week.

It was going to be a crazy week about 4 weeks ago when I was scheduled to be at work all five days (I know, I know...5 days...big deal.)

It was going to be even crazier when I realized that my first meeting of the membership year for my multiples group was this week and that as President I needed to organize and plan everything.

It was going to be unbearable when I got stuck watching my parents two dogs (add in my dog and you have three) for three weeks and this was one of the weeks.

And finally, it was over the top when my grandparents decided they were choosing this week to visit.

OMG!

So my grandparents got here today at about noon. I was at work, participating in mind numbing meetings until 3p. I was able to run home...spend some quality time with them, and then turn around a few hours later and head to my multiples meeting. I felt guilty as hell spending the majority of the day out of the house...and the house wasn't as clean as I would like...and did I mention that my grandparents hate dogs.

Ah well, whatcha going to do....oh and bonus!! Work just called...I have the day off tomorrow!

How Cool!

Tonight while I was lying in bed, I felt Max kick like never before. I have felt him off and on since about 13 weeks. But until now, it's been a single thump or little fleeting feeling. But tonight it was the real thing. He must have had a bunch of energy because it was constant for about 15 minutes.

I could just barely feel it on the outside of my body, so while I really wanted the twins to experience it, I think at this point they wouldn't really get it. In a few more weeks I think Max will definitely have the power to produce kicks with enough strength that S & K will really get to feel him.

I wonder what they will think about that :)

Farking Migraines!

I had a migraine from hell today.

It started at work and by the time I got home I was in misery. I was able to convince the twins to lay down with me for an hour but that didn't seem to help. I spent the evening on the couch. And, just my luck, as it was time for me to go to bed, the migraine left and I lost my desire to sleep.

I need to not only figure out why I'm getting all these migraines, but also the best way to treat them. I really don't get it, as when I was pregnant with the twins, I didn't have a single headache for the entire 36 weeks and this time I am getting them worse then ever...constantly.

I Have To Get This Out

I need to vent about this particular topic and then maybe I can let it go.

Being a SMBC means that I have to open myself up to more criticism. I have to be able to show the world that not only can I care for another child on my own physically, but also emotionally and financially. It seems as though the bar is set quite high for me.

Why doesn't this standard apply to married parents. On my local parenting board there must be 3 or 4 couples who recently announced they were pregnant, after intentionally trying. All of them constantly post about how they don't have the cash to put gas in their car, or pay their rent. One of them is in marriage counselling and has openly posted that her husband is physically abusive. All of them, right after posting about their BFPs, also asked questions about pregnancy Medicaid, food stamps and WIC.

I mean, I know it's none of my business what people do with their lives, but it burns me up to know that people are second guessing the decisions I make, when I make them responsibly, taking all options into account (hey if I didn't, baby #4 wouldn't be too far away) and yet I am judged. While there are parents who really have no business trying to get pregnant and all they get are congrats and advice on how to mooch of the system.

Ok, so I don't feel that much better, but at least it's out there.

The Decision Has Been Made

And Family One will be purchasing my extra vials this week. This is the family who already has two of the donors children and will the TTC a third. It's a very bittersweet decision.

For one I know that doing this closes the door on TTC again in the future. And believe me, I know how crazy that sentence is. Between being a SMBC and the horrible pregnancies I experience, I shouldn't even think about doing this again. Honestly I don't want to do this again, but by selling the vials, it makes it a final decision...and that is kind of scary.

And then of course I am only 20 weeks pregnant with M. There is still a chance that things will not go well with this pregnancy, especially considering my post below. I still think overwhelmingly that at the end of this pregnancy, I will have a third child, but I guess there is always the chance of complications.

But part of my has thought about this since the very beginning. Would I do this again if I lost M? I had started thinking this prior to 12 weeks to my decision had been no. I have been far to sick; I haven't been there for the twins; and pregnancy is just too hard on my body. I think the best thing for everyone involved is to not get pregnant again.

So, the vials will be shipped off this week and I feel fairly confident that this is the right decision. I am confident that M will be fine and safely in my arms by this December. My family, although maybe not a big as I would like, will be complete with what I have. This decision, while maybe not my first choice, is absolutely the best choice for my family...and of course that is what is most important to me.

My Kids Plot Against Me...

And it starts from in the womb.

I had my follow up US today. All M's organs look good, he has a cute profile and he appears to be right on growth wise. The problems came from other things...

My placenta is still low lying. It currently sits 2cm from my cervix. It has to be at least 10cm from my cervix to allow me the VBAC I so desperately want. I do not want another c-section and we are already discussing the possibility. My midwife is optimistic that the placenta will continue to move upwards and I should still have a attempt at a vaginal birth.

Secondly M decided to attach his umbilical cord on the very edge of the placenta. This is not great. When the umbilical cord attached along the side, as opposed to nicely in the middle, there is risk that the appropriate nutrients will not make it to M and he will have a difficult time growing. I have a friend who had twin boys and one of them had this issue. When they were born, one twin was over 6lbs and the twin with the misplaced cord only weighed about 3 lbs.

So between the low placenta and the side lying cord, I have now graduated to monthly US. You know, when I found out that this was a single pregnancy I really thought that this was going to be a one US, regular OB appointment kind of thing. I am seeing now that this pregnancy will have the frequent OB visits and US of my last pregnancy. I guess the silver lining is I will have plenty of pics of my little one...right?