The Decision Has Been Made

And Family One will be purchasing my extra vials this week. This is the family who already has two of the donors children and will the TTC a third. It's a very bittersweet decision.

For one I know that doing this closes the door on TTC again in the future. And believe me, I know how crazy that sentence is. Between being a SMBC and the horrible pregnancies I experience, I shouldn't even think about doing this again. Honestly I don't want to do this again, but by selling the vials, it makes it a final decision...and that is kind of scary.

And then of course I am only 20 weeks pregnant with M. There is still a chance that things will not go well with this pregnancy, especially considering my post below. I still think overwhelmingly that at the end of this pregnancy, I will have a third child, but I guess there is always the chance of complications.

But part of my has thought about this since the very beginning. Would I do this again if I lost M? I had started thinking this prior to 12 weeks to my decision had been no. I have been far to sick; I haven't been there for the twins; and pregnancy is just too hard on my body. I think the best thing for everyone involved is to not get pregnant again.

So, the vials will be shipped off this week and I feel fairly confident that this is the right decision. I am confident that M will be fine and safely in my arms by this December. My family, although maybe not a big as I would like, will be complete with what I have. This decision, while maybe not my first choice, is absolutely the best choice for my family...and of course that is what is most important to me.