Day 3

Your First Love

Well, as I said in Day 1's post, I have never been in a serious relationship, so never really had a 'love'. So as dorky as it sounds, my first love would have to be Zachary James...my first son.
He was born on August 31st 2004 and I took him home 2 days later. I fell in love with him the second I saw him. There was never any question in my heart, he was mine.

He had light brown/blond hair and blue eyes. He was the chubby baby I would not get with my biological children. He had a wonderful temperament and was a really good baby. Many people commented that he looked like me - the chubby helped - and the two of us made a great little family.

For almost 6 months my heart was full and I was the happiest I had ever been. I was looking forward to completing the adoption and that summer requesting a second child. Zach was sitting on his own and almost crawling. He loved playing with toys and lying on the floor with the dogs. He was often smiling and had a mouth full of teeth.

The day he was taken was my darkest day. I don't think I left the house for days. I cried non-stop and lost the will to live. There are times I look back and wonder how I made it through, knowing the thoughts I had within me. He left March 5th 2005. If I hadn't found a way to see some hope and start the TTC process I don't think I would have made it.

On the one year anniversary of his loss, I was holding the twins who were only a few weeks old. I know that logically there is no way I would have the twins if Zach never left, but I would like to think that in a perfect world I would still have all four of my children.