The Beginning of the End

Tonight is the last night of the old me. Tomorrow starts a new day, and a new me.

I went to the doctor today and discussed my depression, anxiety and obsessive behaviour. As of today I am on a new medication. I go back in 4 weeks to see if it has helped any. If not we will try something else. I'm glad he is working with me and not wanting to transfer me to a shrink. I just don't have the time or money for that. Hopefully this will make me feel better about life in general, help my eating and even help me with tolerating N more, because lets face it, lately I can't stand her.

Tomorrow I also start my new diet and exercise program. Last year I lost almost 90lbs. I can do it again. For the first week or two I will keep to a liquid diet to jump start my loss and then transition to a healthier diet like I did last year. It will be a rough few weeks but usually once I get into the groove I do pretty good. I will also get back on my bike every night for 30 minutes. I haven't done that in months. I will also keep up my walking club that I actually have been doing all this time.

I need to get my mental state in check and I need to get to a certain weight to TTC again. I am not confident that I will be there in January, but hopefully I can stay committed to this and early next year I will be where I need to be.

Another Little Rant

Okay, I am really not this bitter but now that I have an outlet for my frustration, I am using it. I used to hold it inside and let it fester so I am convincing myself that this is healthier.

We went out to dinner tonight. When we got out it is expected that N pay her part. We tonight she ordered a salad which was $5.50. When the dinner was done she gave me $6. Here's the part that pisses me off. She also had a drink, extra dip and dessert plus her share of the tip. WTF!?

Okay, rant over.

CD4

Temping is going okay. I already hate waking up every day at 6am even when I don't have to work. AF has decided to be ultra weird. My flow completely stopped today making me wonder if I would have a 4 day AF which I have never had before!! But alas, it wasn't so. I restarted this evening.

Why is it that when you start to pay attention, nothing normal happens? Oh and sorry about the TMI, but this really with be a major theme here until I get pregnant....then I'll just share Pregnant TMI stuff :)

I Feel Guilty Laughing at Him

In the last few weeks my guys have decided that they will do anything to avoid sleeping. They want nothing to do with it. They are however smart enough to know when it's about to come. They begin asking for things, bargaining and trying to convince me to put on a new TV show.

Usually the last show of the night is their current obsession - Scooby Doo. Well when the gang unmasks the monster, S knows it's coming to an end. He starts a frantic search for the remote and then tries to convince me to put something else on. I always respond that when Scooby Doo is over, it is bedtime.

Well when the credits start, and I get up to put them to bed, S always asks if he can dance to the music. I always let him. This is the most pitiful and funny thing to see. S dancing around the room softly crying because he knows the end is near. I can't help but chuckle seeing this opposition of emotion. I am such a bad mommy :)

So I'm Taking the Leap....

I'm taking the risk, and I'm going for it. I am going to try and start my own little small business. I will invest between $500 and $1000 into it and pray that I at least make my money back. I have bought my machine and I have looked into where to buy supplies. I have even registered my domain name.

Twice as Nice Embroidery will be a small side business that will focus on shirts and personalization for multiples. I have spent hours on the net looking for shirts for my guys and have usually run into dead ends. When I do find something I like, it's usually $20 for one shirt. I hope to be able to keep costs to about $10 a shirt. These Tee's will also be embroidered vs just screen printed.

I hope this works. Spread the word. This extra bonus money I am getting from work next month is what is paying for this. I have many other things I could be doing with it, but I hope this might open a few doors for me.

...

I hate the weather. It drives me nuts. After an entire summer of no rain, why must it rain on a day that I had put so much effort into.

I had arranged for a local photographer to take family and children portraits at a local garden for the MOM group. For three weeks I worked out cost, date, time, logistics and scheduling. I worked with thirty families trying to figure out who would be able to come, what time would be good for them and where to meet. After all of the madness I had ten families scheduled in 15 minute slots this Saturday. All consents were signed. Everyone had confirmed. The photographer had everything ready...and now 70% chance of rain all day Saturday. S#!T

This photographer only works with natural light so we can't move into an indoors location. She has offered to do next weekend for us but of course people are bust and for most next weekend does not work.

I think the picture says it all...

CD1 and other thoughts....

Today I started AF. Not usually a big deal but since I plan to TTC within the next 6 months, I have started charting, temping and will be using my Clear Blue Easy Fertility Monitor. I hated this part of TTC. Over analysing everything, second guessing your techniques, obsessing over tenths of a degree change. I hate it, but if it gets me what I want, then I will do it.

I have 10 vials or 7 tries to get baby number three. I will do 3 tries at home with two vials each time. If this doesn't work I will move on to the Doctors office for four more tries with one vials each. I am hoping for quick success. I have already decided that if nothing comes from my 10 vials, then that is it. I will be a mommy of two. Although I know it doesn't make sense, I don't like the idea of having children by different donors. Just my thing...

I also have a few other donor families looking for vials of our donor. I hope to be able to sell what I have left over and get some money to help through the pregnancy. I really was counting on this, however, a few weeks ago the back stated they had more of my donor in storage. So now the moms who were waiting on me, can buy it right from the bank. I hope by the time I am selling, the donor is gone again, and there is a need :)

In other news I am looking for a way to supplement my income while having fun. My idea right now is to sell Twin Shirts. I would buy an embroidery machine and embroider cute twin sayings and personalization. I could sell the shirts for $10-$20 and make a few bucks off each one. Right now I am researching it and trying to come to a decision.

Holy F'ing Shit!!

I know I have been self destructive. I know I have been out of control. I know I have been eating way beyond what any normal person should. What I didn't know was that in the last 2 months, my behaviour has gained me twenty pounds. I am so disgusted with myself. I hate myself. I don't even know where to go from here.


I have to do something. I have decided to call my regular doctor and change my meds. Obviously what I'm on is not controlling my depression and anxiety. I just hope that I don't end up getting the run around. My GP not wanting to prescribe anything, referring me to a psychologist who charges me tons of money and won't prescribe me anything without the therapy. I just don't have the time or patience for the run around.

I might even start going back to my nutritionist. She seemed to help me. She kept me honest and accountable.

The reason I found out what I weighed is because I had a neuro appointment today to follow up my MS. My doc was impressed with how well I was doing. He said my neuro exam was completely normal and that unless I had problems I didn't need to see him again for 6-8 months. We talked about me TTC and all he said was that he recommended going off my meds while pregnant but that he knew many moms who stayed on it while pregnant and he didn't know of any issues. I am still undecided as to what I will do. I Have decided though that I need to get to a certain weight before TTC so January may not be in the cards after all.

I have three dinners and two events in the next week or so, so I have decided come October 1st a major diet will hit this house and hopefully by early next year I will be where I should be.

On other news, I'm pretty sure tomorrow will be CD1 so I will start charting, temping and using OPK's in an attempt to learn my cycles as well as I can so that when I TTC it will be as quick as possible. Hopefully I can get my life back on track before then.

Addictions....

Well we all know one of my addictions is food. I use food as a comfort to feel better. To stuff my feelings in deeper with every bite I take and while I feel pure joy while doing it, I feel like shit later. I wish food was my only outlet, my only life affecting problem. Sadly I have another issue when I am feeling down, anxious or stressed.

I like to spend. I like to buy clothes and toys for the kids. I hardly ever buy anything for me. Lately whenever I go out I find clothes or toys that the kids just 'need'. My friends called today to tell me that Toys R Us had some great sales. So what do I do, I go over and find several Little People sets that I have been trying to find for the twins. Yes, they were a good price, but they were not things I needed nor really could afford. Credit Cards can be such a problem sometimes but sometimes I really do need them (ie the flat tire last week) so I don't want to just get rid of them. I think once I pay everything off, I will at least downsize to one. I will say in my defense though that my credit card debt is not nearly as bad as many people I have heard, but that doesn't mean it can't get there.

I can tell you that right now I have enough gifts for the kids for Christmas. They do NOT need anything else and I hope that in the next three months I don't continue my spending at the same rate. If I do...I will be in big trouble!

So Much Fun...

If you had asked me yesterday I would have said I would be lounging around all day. Well last my friend C (the one who occasionally babysits for me) invited the twins and I to a Festival in a near by city. It was a fair type thing with rides, booths and different events set up all over. The kids had never been to a fair before so I wasn't sure how they would do. THEY LOVED IT!!

The kids had a blast. They loved riding all the different rides including cars, trains, planes horses and inflatable rides. They jumped right in and often rode them all by themselves. Sometimes they seemed a little nervous, but once the ride started they were all smiles :) C and her husband even were nice enough to take the twins on the carousel because mommy would have gotten sick.

We had funnel cake, had our faces painted and even got a few tattoo's. K got a beautiful Butterfly painted in her face which turned out great! S wouldn't have anything to do with it. Later K got a butterfly tattooed on her arm and S thought that was okay so he got a spider. He thought that was WAY cool.

The twins love playing with C's twins M and J. They just turned 3. It was such a wonderful day and I am so glad we were invited.

My Heart Just Can't Take It...

Remember that patient with end stage liver failure from drinking, well I had her again yesterday. She was in much better spirits and doing better. Her three year old daughter was coming to visit and my patient was just giddy with excitement. She wanted her bath early and made sure we got her dressed and in her chair. You could see her beaming with pride and she could barely contain herself.

I happened to be in the room when her daughter got there. This toddler shrieked with joy and ran to her mother. She was touching and rubbing all over her saying "mommy, mommy" over and over again. She took her face and started rubbing it against her mommy's arm. It was the most amazing display of love that this little girl had for her mommy. As I walked out of the room I could feel myself well up.

As touching and amazing as this scene was, it tears me up knowing this woman is dying and this three year old will not have her mom for very long. This is one of the things I hate about my job.

Today was Good

Today was one of those days that reminded me how lucky I am and how much I value being a mother. This morning the twins slept in a little. They crept into my bed about 8am this morning. S asked me to put 'George' (Curious George) and all three of us snuggle in my bed while we watched George. Well the twins watched, mommy caught some extra Z's :) We then played a little downstairs for the remainder of the morning.

This evening the kids had a birthday party at Chuckie Cheese. They had never been there before so I was a little nervous. They did great. At first S was scared to death of the mechanical puppets, but warmed up to them quickly. They loved riding all the cars and pulling tickets from the machines. They ate all their pizza and listened well. They really, really seemed to enjoy themselves.

The kids were very sweet on the way home asking me to find the moon for them and telling me they loved me. I wish I could have kept them up late and just cuddled but it was already late enough by the time we got home.

I often wonder what I did that was so good to deserve them...

N Rant Part II

So tonight I was talking to a friend of mine that babysits for me as a fill-in. The topic shifts to N and some things she has been saying lately. Apparently N has been sharing this real sob story that makes it seem like everyone in her life has forced her into things. I know I shouldn't care, but I do. I mean this is my friend and if she believed what N had said what would she have thought of me. Plus, if N is saying this to her, who else is she sharing these stories with. Some of the crap she is spreading.

-One of the things N said is she was made to move her. WTF? Due to her mental state she cannot live alone. She did not want to live in a nursing home, so she was offered here and took it.

- She complained that her brother sold all her things including her house, car and belongings. Um, yes he sold the car - she can't drive, he sold the house - she begged him to because she wasn't living in it but had to pay taxes and fees on it. And as for belongings my grandparents drove an entire van up here full of her crap and she threw most of it away.

- She says she never gets to go anywhere. One of my friends picks her up every Sunday and takes her to church and lunch. N has already started to complain about this. My friend also asked her to do the same on Wednesday but N said no. Some times when I do take her places, she acts like she is not very happy. I will not take her to things I do with my friends because I do need some social time that does not include N. And finally, twice when I took her shopping she fell or passed out. I am already a single mom, shopping with twin toddlers. I can't also be concerned about a falling elderly woman - I'm sorry if that sounds mean.

UGH....can you tell I'm steamed.

Sigh...

Kids woke up healthy (YEAH) so we went to gymnastics this morning. K did great and S only had a melt down near the end. After gymnastics we went to get S's hair cut...oh boy! He fought so hard his face was beet red. I literally had to hold his head still with both my hands while the beautician cut. It was crazy. Even crazier was a paid a lot more then I usually do because I took him to a barber that has cartoons that play in front of the chair and they have lollipops. I guess that was a dumb idea.

Then as I'm getting ready to leave one of the girls says "ma'am, I think your tire is flat" SHIT! Luckily I was in a mall complex and there was a Firestone not too far away. After 2 hours spent playing at McDonald's and $200 I had a new tire.

Gosh if it's not one thing, it's another.

We ended the day with a swim at the Y. It was a nice way to unwind. I hope tomorrow is better.

Thank Goodness....

That was short lived. S threw up twice this morning, laid half dead on the living room floor for a few hours and then woke up from a nap fine! He ate and ate this afternoon like he hadn't eaten in weeks. He is running around laughing and full of energy. I think my little boy is better :)

Yah! I was starting to worry about gymnastics tomorrow but it looks like all should be fine!

We Have Vomiting....

This morning S woke up and started vomiting. UGH. I don't get why my kids seem sick so often. They are cared for at home and we haven't been to any big public events lately. K is just getting over her chest cold and now this. My luck, they will swap illness' next week and I will have another fun week of illness.

I do wonder if K is also feeling more ill. Last night she woke up at about 2am and wouldn't stop crying. I finally got her and put her in my bed. She was so restless. I think I woke up about every 30 minutes. I am so freaking tired, and of course now I have a vomiting child to deal with. K seems fine today except for a runny nose.

Our plans to go to the church homecoming have obviously been cancelled. Can't bring a vomiting child to church :( N went ahead to at least get out of the house, which should be nice.

Hopefully everyone will nap this afternoon...I already can't wait :)

Had an Enjoyable Day...despite some bumps...

We started our weekend by waking up this morning and heading to the post office. While I was waiting in line K and S were getting restless and running around. After a few minutes I hear a 'pop' and K starts screaming. I ran over to see that she had put her arm in between a door and the frame (on the hinge side) and knocked it loose causing it to try and close! Holy shit I thought she broke her arm. It immediately bruised and of course K was just screaming. After a few minutes she calmed down and started using it. Tonight it is still bruised and sore, but I think that's the extent of the damage.

After that debacle, we went to Old Navy. Forgot to mention that K was just in underwear for another diaper free trial. Despite asking her a few times if she needed to potty, about 5 minutes into our shopping time, K peed her pants :( Ah well. You can't start with perfection...right?

Tonight we went back out and went to a few stores. I got K another few outfits at the Children's Place, like she needed any. Tried to find stuff for S but I just don't get excited about any of his clothes. We went to three different Halloween shops looking for S's costume with no luck :( I guess I will keep looking on Ebay.

Potty Training

Early this summer both my kids just decided to be potty trained. It was seriously about that simple. There was only one catch though...they had to be naked. Neither one of the twins really had any accidents once they decided to be trained. They would run around naked all day and always go to the potty when they needed. Oddly, as soon as I put underwear, pants or diapers on them, their little potty trained brains turned off. So basically, if you were a friend of mine, you pretty much expected to see two naked toddlers at my home at all hours of the day.

Well recently we have been making real progress with K. In fact tonight we went shopping for about 2 hours and K wore her Big Girl Panties the whole time. I asked her a couple of times if she had to pee and she said 'no'. I reminded her that she wasn't to pee in her underwear and I got several "okay mommy". When we got home, she was dry and she went to the potty almost right away. I am beyond thrilled!!

The only thing I realized though, is I need to train myself as well. Several times when we were out I thought.."oh yah, K isn't in a diaper"

Since I Don't Really Have Anything to Say....

I will talk about our weekend plans :) They ended up starting our running around tonight because I told K about all the places we needed to go and she insisted we go to the store tonight. Well I kinda felt like getting out of the house, so I didn't object. First we went to Toys R Us. I wanted to find some Scooby Doo things I had seen online for the twins for Christmas. I found what I was looking for - a car set and the set of figurines - so I was satisfied with that trip.

We then went to Babies R Us and looked at cribs. My cribs were part of the recall and I got my vouchers for two new cribs yesterday. It's funny because my vouchers are for $329.99 each and I know for a fact that I didn't spend much more then $200 on them. Since it was a recall though, the company had to issue the vouchers for the maximum price the item was ever listed at. I found a few cribs I liked, but I thought I would sleep on it a bit. The one I had found online and fell in love with, well they didn't stock it in the store.

Tomorrow I need to go to the post office and send the remainder of the advertising packets for the MOM group. I also need to find a bunch of red shirts for cheap for something we have planned for Christmas - more info to come :) Then Sunday we will go to a Church home coming celebration with a friend. Hopefully I will be able to relax some on Monday (after gymnastics) because the rest of the week is looking busy.

And finally a thought for my friends in Texas who are currently starring down Hurricane Ike. I hope you guys make it through in one piece without any significant damage. It has already caused Gas prices here to jump almost $1 per gallon in less then 12 hours. I know many are calling it a major threat. Keep safe!!

This is an actual picture of Hurricane Ike.

My Random Thought of the Day...

I am always a good tipper. I hardly have any money, but I make sure that when I go out to eat, I tip the server at least 20% with a minimum of $5. I was always like this, but since I started dragging out 2yo twins and the disgusting messes they make, I am even more convinced that our server needs a nice tip.


So why are there people who just think that tipping is a luxury. Do these people not realize that many of these servers make NOTHING from the restaurant and that their sole source of income is the tip!? There is nothing that drives me more crazy then poor tipping (okay well maybe not nothing, but you get the idea) I have never been a waitress, which is funny considering how flustered I get about this topic.


My problem is there is someone who takes us out about once a month. I am very appreciative of the gesture, but she is a lousy tipper. I start to get anxious before the meal even gets there because I know that despite how hard (s)he will work, despite all the crumbs, spilled drinks, requests for refills and enough napkins to soak up a small lake, they will get nothing more then $5 regardless of the total bill.


So what do I do. I know there have even been sitcom episodes on this. I want to bring an extra $5 with me and sneak it on the table as we leave, but if this person saw that she would probably get upset. I don't want her to think we don't appreciate what she is doing, but I also hate what we are leaving the server. I am guessing I just need to get over it. If I want to go out with this woman I will have to accept that she doesn't tip, or I guess avoid the situation all together.

sigh...

Put Your Hand Up if You're a Binge Eater...

So I am supposed to be on a diet. I am supposed to be losing weight. I am supposed to be exercising. Am I doing any of it? NOPE.

I just can't get motivated and it's kind of scary. I lost 90 pounds last year and now I seem to be doing anything I can to ruin that. The last few weeks I have been binging almost every other day. All I do is think about food and where I will get my next 'fix'. It sounds crazy but I totally feel like some crack addict who is always trying to figure out how to score. I also enjoy the eating, but as soon as I am done I hate myself and feel like shit.

Emotionally I don't feel great which I am sure is part of the problem, but I need to figure out how to light a fire under my ass. I mean now all the holidays are coming and it will be unlikely that I will be able to stick to anything 100% of the time.

I have also said I need to be at a certain weight to TTC again and instead of getting closer, I am getting farther away. WTF? I often wonder why if I want a baby so bad, I cant get my ass in gear and lose this weight? Part of me thinks I subconsciously don't think I can handle another baby so it's my own way of sabotaging it? How screwed up is that!

My Mom is Pissing Me Off

My mom called today. At first we chatted no problem. Then we stared talking about her 'new' self-diagnosed illness. My mom has a tendency to self diagnose herself with things all the time. Well I brought up the fact that I thought most of her symptoms were psycho-somatic and she went crazy. Apparently I'm self righteous and ignorant. Me saying that I think some of her illness' may be psychological is like her saying my MS is on my head. I'm not sure how since I have MRI's, blood and spinal fluid that tells me what I have. Anyway I tried to end the conversation saying let's agree to disagree and she said that wasn't acceptable. Even though I am a grown woman with my own mind, I am un-educated if I don't believe what she does.

I'm sure I'll get a nasty email some time tonight about what a horrible person I am. How I demand support (which she always says but I never understand) and that I am never willing to 'give'.

Ugh Car Sickness

How can a 28 year old still be plagued with such severe car sickness. It drives me crazy.

Yesterday was my twin mom meeting. I carpooled with another mom and on the way I got nauseous. I was able to control it and felt okay at the meeting. Then on the way home, it got very bad. I did my best. Deep breathes, closed my eyes and tried to focus on other things. As soon as she hit my driveway I had to jump out of the car and I threw up all over. I am SOOOO glad I got out of her car! I spent the rest of the night dizzy and nauseous.

This whole thing seems to be getting worse for me. Do you know I get car sick sometimes when I drive!? How crazy is that. Although I'm sure I'm not alone, I have never met another person who gets sick with while driving.

Why do I get to be special?

Not Much to Say...

I am done working for a few days. I am exhausted. I can't wait to sleep in tomorrow - well until 7:30. Even though I am off, I have a meeting at work for a few hours and then a meeting of the twin group. So, I don't have a totally free day, but at least not busy.

So how is this for a pointless entry :D

Why Are People So Self Destructive?

Today at work I cared for a 33 year old woman who had end stage cirrhosis. She is an alcoholic and killed her liver. She can barely feed herself, she is confused, her eyes are bright yellow and she wears a diaper because she is incontinent. Sadly she has two children including a toddler. They will be calling in palliative care to help her and the family during her period of death. The whole time I'm in the room I just think about how pitiful the situation is. She has chosen to drink herself to death - and yes I know addiction is a disease and it's a hard one to overcome - I'm not trying to deny that. Heck, I use food as my outlet and if I don't get that under control in several years when I have my first heart attack or have some great diabetic complications, I will be just as responsible.

On other news, this great hurricane Hanna 'hit' last night. It rained until about 10 am this morning and stopped. The sun came out, the clouds went away and the skies turned blue. No flooding, no heavy rains, no wind. In fact, if I didn't know it was a hurricane, I would have just assumed it was a rainy day. I hope we are as lucky with Ike.

And the final note for the day....I am getting sick. I just know it. K has had a cough for a few days. Now I am getting a tickle in my throat and my left ear is really hurting. CRAP! I hate getting sick when I have so much to do!

N...

So let me introduce my blog world to N. N is my 82yo senile great-aunt who lives with me. There are days I want to run screaming from the house.

When the twins were first born, N who lived in FL was found on her front porch. She was incoherent and couldn't even walk on her own. The docs still don't really know what happened, but it was clear she could no longer live on her own. We my mom offered to take her in instead of her going to a nursing home. So when the twins were 7 weeks, we drove down to FL to pick up N. She initially went to my mom's house but, as typical for my mom, she couldn't deal with it much longer then a few months. At about that same time I realized that physically and mentally I could not continue to work full time with infant twins. So, N came to live with me. After a few months N actually came around both physically and mentally. She was able to keep up with minor housework and enjoyed playing with the twins.

The only problem with her 'coming around' is that she was now much more intrusive into my life. Per my family, N has always been a very controlling, obnoxious person. I guess due to the dementia, this behaviour has only amplified. She constantly picks on things I do, say or wear. I ignore it because I can, but I feel horrible for my nanny Q. Q has to sit here all day and listen to her. N thinks she is in control and tried to tell Q every little thing. She controls what she feeds the kids, how she dresses the twins, even stupid things like how you should brush S's hair. UGH! I am constantly telling N to butt out of Q's business and that I completely trust her decisions, but it doesn't seem to do any good.Q is such a godsend for me and if N ever runs her off I'm in real trouble.

The other thing is N has a nice little pad. She has the master bedroom. She has her own bathroom. In her room is even a little sitting area with a chair and TV. She is never in there. I would love it if just a few hours a day she went into her room and stayed out of what I was doing. Part of the problem with her being so controlling is she is also very nosey and can't stand to be out of the loop. It is even at the point that if I have friends over I hang out in my bedroom because she will sit right there on the couch next to us when we are trying to have a visit. I get the sense from several of my friends that they are uncomfortable being here.

As her caretaker I am also responsible for trying to keep her healthy. She is overweight and has issues with her cholesterol. So she is supposed to be on a diet. Well I cook for that diet but she is constantly sneaking the kids food. I have gone so far as to put it all in a box up on the top shelf and she still reaches it. I mean my kids deserve to have some snacks in the house without her getting into them all the time. I also found out recently that she has Q buy her cookies and bring them into her each week. WTF?? I constantly see her with food in her pockets and she will hide in the kitchen trying to sneak around. Nothing drives me more crazy then people who deliberately tries to hide things. And then when called out on it, she flat out lies.

The other thing is she will not accept her limitations. I constantly tell her not to carry the kids around. Don't' run around the table chasing the toddler. Don't go near the stairs. Anytime I say something like this, she goes out of her way to do it!! Last year she got into a snit because I wouldn't let her go upstairs. Then one day she fell down the stairs and broke her ankle. She had to spend 2 months in rehab! She gets angry when I get a babysitter when I go out. She doesn't understand why she can't babysit. She spends most of her day trying to prove me wrong.

Okay so I know this post makes me sound hateful, but I dare anyone to take in a demented family member and then you tell me how you feel after 2 years. I know a lot of people have also said well she doesn't know better, but that's the thing, she does. Yes she suffers from dementia but her meds control her and she knows exactly what she's doing and knows that some of the things she does is wrong.

Okay, maybe this rant will let me feel better for a day or two. It's funny because when people ask me how many kids I have, I usually respond that I live with three toddlers.

Nothing Very Important to Say...

Went back to work today after 5 days off. It sucked. I was so tired after only sleeping about 3 hours. I should go to bed early tonight, but I'm sure I won't. I have to work tomorrow and the weekend too. ARGH. For the most part I like my job and then there are other times I don't want to work at all. This is one of those times.

Hurricanes Hanna and Ike are threatening the coast and there is talk about severe weather here. We got dumped on by Fay and we still haven't dried out. I am a little concerned about flooding especially since it got so bad so recently. And then of course 2 hurricanes back to back isn't good either. My life can't take a direct financial hit so I just hope that whatever happens, any long term or expensive damage does not occur. I will already be out $500 when I finally get the gravel dumped here to repair the driveway. I think I will wait until the end of hurricane season to do that.

Not too bad...

So my picture attempt didn't go too bad. The twins were only cooperative for about 30 minutes but at least for that time I was able to get about 70 pictures. I have a few I like and I will share. Not as good as the pros do, but not too bad either. Of course, no great pictures of both together, but I got a cute one of them holding hands.

Why are 2yo's Like Wild Caged Animals?

And how on earth am I going to deal with two of them?

The twins have been ultra destructive in their room lately. On Monday they broke the swinging door on their dresser. Luckily I had some spare parts and was able to fix it. I also noticed that they have gotten into their closets and swung the door open so fast that it hit the dresser, creating a big hole in the closet door. They go into their closets and rip everything down and scale the shelves. I have put child locks on the door which doesn't even slow them down. I will be getting latches very soon.

Today was the worst though. When I went to get them out of bed after their nap, my wardrobe was sitting on it's side on the floor with 2 legs broken off. HOW ON EARTH DID THEY TIP OVER THE WARDROBE!!! Plus I didn't hear a thing, so it must have been a team effort.

Obviously not only are the destructive but they are also creating safety issues. So I guess I am going to move all the furniture out of their room and they will just have a big empty room with 2 beds. If only I could pad the walls down too. It's sad but they will be living like two patients in a mental institution for awhile. I guess that's how you have to treat two year olds?

Ah the Joys of Christmas

I have already started to buy for Christmas. I need to. My budget can't take a hard hit all at once. I have been searching on Ebay and got a few cute Little People sets. The twins have really just started role playing so I think these might be a big hit. I also hit two discount stores today. There I got some really nice hard page books. Most of them were 75% off the retail price. The kids desperately needed new books. I also found a few toys, but I was proudest of the book deals.

I still need to keep my eye out for an art easel and some Scooby Doo toys which the kids are OBSESSED with.

I am going to try and take the kids to the park tomorrow and get some nice pictures taken. I had them scheduled for a photo shoot and cancelled because for the money, I didn't get the CD. I am going to try and do it myself this time and see how I do. I really just need a few nice shots of each of them and maybe one or two nice pictures with both of them. Ah, I can believe in miracles right?

I am a BAD Momma...and my friends suck

I woke up this morning really just wanting to stay in my PJ's all day long and I ended up running all over. We decided to go swimming at the Y. One of my friends was supposed to meet me there with her son. Well a few minutes before we left, she bailed. Ok, fine, whatever. I was going to go anyway. The twins had a great swim and I enjoyed myself too.

On the way home I get a call from another friend asking us to go to the final ballgame of the season. I really didn't want to, but I gave in because I had never taken the kids to a ballgame and everything was $1. So we get home, change and then leave again for downtown. Parking was a nightmare and I waited in line for what must have been 30 minutes for tickets. We get there and look for my friend and find a nice area with chairs. The only problem is it's not in the shade and dumb ass mommy forgot sunscreen. So anyway after we are there for an hour in the heat and sun I decide to leave because, get ready...my friend never shows up!? WTF? I didn't even want to go, then all this hassle and she doesn't even come!!

We got home about 2pm. When I went to get S out of the car seat I found that I didn't remember to buckle him in....Nice. We went inside, laid down for a nap, and of course the kids woke up sunburned. Not as badly as me, but enough to make me feel bad about the whole thing.

I didn't do anything tonight. I have a shit load of stuff to do tomorrow and I'm not looking forward to it.